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Ppallo

@ppallo.bsky.social
1.2K followers 146 following 1.1K posts

Don't even need to say whether I'm CIA or not.

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Reposted by Ppallo
Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
My buddy Chuck gets pantsed most days. So we have agreed to a system where I determine how long he should walk around with his pants around his ankles such that it's clear to his assailant that he is unbothered by their juvenile act, but where he avoids seeming like a pervert.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
My buddy Chuck gets pantsed most days. So we have agreed to a system where I determine how long he should walk around with his pants around his ankles such that it's clear to his assailant that he is unbothered by their juvenile act, but where he avoids seeming like a pervert.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
For a few years in the mid-aughts I made a decent living as a muse for battle rappers. I would hang out with the MC who had paid for my service and simply observing me would allow them to come up with truly devastating and savage rhymes to use on their foes.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Our couples therapist has forbidden me from bringing up the fact that my wife open carries a firearm at our sessions anymore, she says it is a "solved issue". The solution as far as I can see is that the therapist herself has started bringing in a long gun she keeps close to her person.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
The names that the Wu-Tang Clan name generator is capable of spitting out are just as good as the "real" Wu-Tang Clan members names. If you can't accept that you will not survive in tomorrow's world. I will often spend hours on end generating names, this is how your kids will interact with Hip-hop.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Speaking to a distant enough neighbour that they would usually be a little scared of them "Father says it's going to be a blast of summer this Friday, we're all awfully excited".
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Grobian Syboe @grobiansyboe.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
"One for The City, two for The Hive, three for The Jelly that keeps us alive, four for The Mayor, five for The Queen, Six for The Hand that remains unseen, Seven for The Cell, 8 for The Wall, and nine for The Gate that guards us all." -Bee Rhyme
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
Is the water here good? Aye you can drink it miss, but it is bad water. Foul water, morally evil water. But it is potable, and we do not recommend buying any bottled water, there is simply no need. Enjoy.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I'd be happy to give my analysis for the low price of 150 dollars, if you want a second opinion Mr. Devil.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
While I still believe GZA would find my flow "solid AND profound" it hurts knowing that I haven't heard that from someone who kind of knows The Genius.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I was about 34-years-old when I realised that my classmate from Ohio who moved to Helsinki for two years when he was eleven probably wasn't actually a Wu-Tang Clan affiliate. He most likely lied about that. I handled the revelation well, only took four days off work to process it.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
A wealthy aunt of mine routinely bets large sums of money on "prediction markets" that I will find a girlfriend before my 40th birthday. She doesn't believe I will of course, but if she can pay 1500 dollars to make her fourth favourite nephew think he has a 30% chance of coupling up, why not do so?
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 20/05/2025
Fastest man I ever saw was from two villages away, he raced a local champion mare over five furlongs one rainy morning. The press stayed home dry. But I saw that kid win by fifty paces. He never raced again, after the war he focused on Jai alai, which he was poor at, but loved.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 09/11/2023
A team of researchers has come to the conclusion that I am not actually sentient, only capable of a high degree of rote memorization "like some parrots". They're very thrilled about it, I find it all very offensive, but only succeed in verbalising that about 70% of the time.
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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Made the jumbotron at the hockey game today, apparently I'm the fan the players of both teams agree is least sexually threatening. Pretty specific category but it's all in good fun. They also came back to it later when announcing the attendance, bit much that, but I'm a good sport.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
What a wonderful turn of events. Life is a beautiful thing among other things.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
In a better world, not a great one necessarily, but a better one, a "polymarket" would be a dating service for slightly annoying people who nonetheless had more sex by volume than any charismatic and conventionally attractive person you have ever met.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
Post about a trial involving a guy who lied about having sexual intercourse with a chocolate confectionery.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
I have instructed the front desk to no longer simply say we offer all the basic creature comforts but to specify that while we aim to ensure all guests have a wonderful stay we cannot and will not accommodate Yetis or Yeti-adjacent bipeds.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Bachelor weekend as my wife is at a wedding in the city, her former mistress asked my wife to walk her down the aisle. The newlyweds will keep living at our pied-à-terre, my wife suggested we give it to them as our gift, but I still have my male pride, so free rent and a toaster it is.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 30/01/2025
Last remaining native speaker of dying language so personally off-putting and difficult, linguists prefer to work around him. "To me the last man to speak the language died in 2012, one fluent, strip video poker addicted, rat remains" a leading researcher commented.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Congratulations to the entire family!
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
My demanding sister, the lady of the house who I financially depend upon, is furious I called her acquaintance Serena's horse a "handsome beast". Apparently the horse is obviously not good enough for Serena and she's embarrassed of it. "Anyone" could have seen this I am told.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 07/12/2023
My lawyer friend's himbo boytoy, who I'm seated next to, is asking me to explain the host's "Denial is not just a river in Egypt!" joke for the third time. He is very sweet, unbelievable eyes, and I'm sure he'll be a great "aura healer", but I truly can't explain it more clearly.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
It's funny to frame a story around home town fans booing the away team. "In 2001 I attended a football match between Barcelona and Real Madrid at Camp Nou, the fans were audibly booing Luís Figo, I assume because he is a white man."
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Laura is asking for the Wife NFT I have of her in the divorce, and it's like either "it's a fake thing that you were an idiot to pay 10k for" or it's "creepy and I don't want you to keep it" but it can't be both.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Absolutely a good union job in equipment testing is definitely still possible. And I'm not even saying the kid can't try to become a teaching pro at a smaller sleep clinic. But you just know that that's not what these parents mean when they say "professional". The touring pros are unbelievably good.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 24/09/2025
Famous for saying he is "cursed". The son of Louisiana's second largest Burger Franchisee Dickie "Papa" Carter, Robert was a keen Ultimate Frisbee player in his youth, but chose a more lucrative career in golf at the behest of his father and his first, and later his father's third, wife Laurene.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 10/06/2025
My neighbour recently told me her 16-year-old son is "practically a professional sleeper", I hate parents who push unrealistic expectations on their kids like that. This lad wouldn't have a chance on any of the mini tours, he is at best an ok amateur snoozer. Neighbour needs to wake up.
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Smalls @shutupsmalls.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Hugh J. Ward, a name from the Wikipedia page Bingo (American version) and @cheatlines.co’s next display name 🏆
In the early 1920s, Hugh J. Ward created and standardized the game at carnivals in and around Pittsburgh and the Western Pennsylvania area. He copyrighted it and published a rule book in 1933.[2]
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Hims: Minecraft Edition - Play block hard at any age
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
Play-by-play announcer briefly struck by the majestic grandeur of the moment as the kicker runs on the field amidst a snowstorm: "They should have sent a poet, Joe." Colour commentator staying on task: "It's a difficult distance even for a professional placekicker, Carl."
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
It's so important to have a project.
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Azure Emerald Empire @azureemeraldempire.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
New York Times feature: For a brief moment, Solar Heavy’s music was everywhere. Then it went silent.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
I understand that it has become a phrase partially divorced from its original meaning but it is funny to see articles talking about the "Rise and Fall of Neom". No rise, was never going to happen and didn't. The rise and fall of my intimate relationship with Miss Universe.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Thank you Budum. It's great to hear people still understand the value of a good phrase.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
A couple of the partners called me in to a meeting and they're politely asking me to just give them a working definition of what I mean. I'm using the names of their spouses a lot and saying stuff like "Marie please, you and Susie know me, Susie loves the phrase."
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
My chances of making partner at the firm just took a big hit as people have started speculating that my signature phrase, and really the only advice I have given clients over 16 years, "Don't plan to hire a Welsh farmhand, if you have an Irish shovel" may be nonsense.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Tennis tournaments should start calling Wild Card spots something else if they so steadfastly refuse to get wild with it. Oh you picked a guy who's only 160th in the world? Dan Quayle is playing Carlos Alcaraz. Rebecca Black is in the tournament. Let's get the Pope out there on clay.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
"Enjoy Beautiful Indiana"? Well I mean to, for the longest time I legally can while still on the road.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Happy birthday to the handsome hound.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Congratulations on your upcoming purchase of a single sheep.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
People in town are envious of the little elf's cozy home in a log, though it is not the log that they covet, there are plenty in the woods. Rather they too wish they could be happy with so little. They make nasty comments about the kind creature, luckily he only understands song.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
My only brush with fame was appearing in the background of a few scenes of two reality stars' vacation sex tape. I just happened to be on holiday with them. In one scene they are filming themselves making out on a yacht and you can hear me talking about how "fruit is better here".
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I have not been able to speak to the rivers after the last thylacine died in 1936, I can still speak with fungi, but I prefer not to. Their world is alien to me and their language is old and queer. Instead I focus on moderating a subreddit focused on pictures of greaser chicks.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I have not been able to speak to the rivers after the last thylacine died in 1936, I can still speak with fungi, but I prefer not to. Their world is alien to me and their language is old and queer. Instead I focus on moderating a subreddit focused on pictures of greaser chicks.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 01/08/2026
The leadership of sport governing bodies is one of the few roles best handled by royals and the traditional high nobility. It is wholly unsuited to burghers, and even less to the slippery creature that is the modern lawyer. The aristocracy shouldn't run the world, but horses for courses.
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Ppallo @ppallo.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
(Looking at a mighty old oak tree in awe) "They don't make them like that anymore." (Turning to the slightly younger oak tree next to it) "I don't mean to offend."
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Emil A. Meal @emilameal.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
if i’m the one picking it off your head it is up to me to decide if it’s worth tasting/eating
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