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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦

@parkebench.bsky.social
152 followers 57 following 1.4K posts

Catcher Block in my own imagination, somewhat less impressive in reality. 🇨🇦🏳️‍🌈☘️⚜️ West Coast slacker in BC. Perpetual Student: ⚖️📈📰💻. Software Developer with awesome estimating skills.

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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 21h
I did what I thought was a very wry and funny spreadsheet joke, and it seems to have fallen completely flat among my colleagues and coworkers. It’s either too nerdy or just to close to the truth amongst our overworked team of business analysts and developers.
Two spreadsheet cells. 
One says Work/Life Balance:
The other has #DIV/0! Which is the Microsoft Excel error flag for a division by zero error.
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Tressie McMillan Cottom @tressiemcphd.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Apropos of nothing, I get a lot of mileage out of this meme.
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depths of wikipedia @depthsofwikipedia.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
The Phantom of Heilbronn, also referred to as the Woman Without a Face, was a presumed female serial killer whose existence was inferred from DNA evidence found at 40 crime scenes across Austria, France and Germany from 1993 to 2009.

In March 2009, investigators concluded that the supposed serial killer did not exist, and the DNA belonged to a woman who worked at a factory that made the cotton swabs used for collecting DNA samples
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Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I understand why they're doing this, but fuck them. These mayors can't guarantee the safety of their own citizens from ICE, and they sure as hell can't guarantee the safety of Canadian visitors. Also, North Dakota, where 2/3 of voters voted for Trump, wants foreigners to come back? Fuck them twice.
globalnews.ca
U.S. mayors ask Canadians to reconsider U.S. travel boycott - Winnipeg | Globalnews.ca
Some American mayors are trying to encourage Canadians to reconsider boycotting travel across the border.
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shauna @goldengateblond.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
i thought about this old tweet tonight and how nothing has ever aged better
@Merman_Melville • Jan 24, 2019
Being a billionaire must be insane. You can buy new teeth, new skin. All your chairs cost 20,000 dollars and weigh 2,000 pounds. Your life is just a series of your own preferences. In terms of cognitive impairment it's probably like being kicked in the head by a horse every day
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NightOwl @festgirl.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
And let’s see the names of every Chi Phi brothers who received the text, and did nothing to warn or stop this crime. Because that’s a skill set every future employer should know about.
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🌈Dr. Frizzle @swilua.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
We can learn from our queer elders 🫶🏻
bisubites 4h
when my masc lesbian aunt died, women just kept coming, screaming, crying, and saying they were her wives. Eventually we just had to start telling them to join the others. They were all devastated to learn about each other. Except for one who came in, kissed her dead mouth and showed us all that they had matching tattoos. She actually won all the mourning wives over and they all agreed she was the wife. It was so weird.Did not expect more than a few people to see this but yes it really happened, yes it was insane

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bisubites 3h Author
They also ALL read love letters at the podium. It was painful and awkward but the final gift my aunt gave the familyfrom my mom

23h
How many crying wives were at
Aunt Chrissy's funeral
23h
I need a final count
I think 5 maybe 7 why

oisubites 3h
Author
Unread messages
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••.
And a couple girlfriends she was a popular and very liked lol
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Luke LeBrun @lukelebrun.ca · 26/09/2026
Tech companies suddenly decide they can, in fact, moderate content on their platforms after all
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Carl T. Bergstrom @carlbergstrom.com · 26/09/2026
Does my Speak-n-Spell feel pain when I type O-U-C-H? The jury is out. Philosophers and neuroscientists say that's fucking stupid, but I called a guy from the Center for Pretending that Household Electronics Are Sentient and he said there's no way to know for sure.
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Tim Mellon is almost certifiably insane. I had some dealings with him on the fringes of this scammy non-profit, and even they eventually had to distance themselves from him despite the money because he was making them a laughing stock even in their own reality avoidant world. So he sued them.
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Bart⚓️ @bartgonnissen.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
The Facial Expressions of Tethys by artist Julius von Bismarck. A suspended high-sea buoy that moves in real time. Sensors on a twin buoy out in the Atlantic Ocean send live satellite data to motors inside the museum. This makes the indoor buoy copy the exact, real-time movements of the ocean waves.
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Stephanie Carvin @stephaniecarvin.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
I was out of the country and had no way of filling it out and they still hunted me down like a savage animal in a Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom show.
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Dr. Sarah Parcak @indyfromspace.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Bestiality Lord Kash Patel and his goat slutwife a la coldplay couple
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Eric Alterman @ericalterman.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
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Will Bunch @willbunch.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Any journalist who is "from a political party" is not actually a journalist
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southpaw @nycsouthpaw.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
“Briefly detained” = beat half to death
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Nick Kodama 🌳👻 @nickkodama.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
lol what
At the strong request of the United States Military, and for National Security purposes, I have agreed to convert the magnificent Triumphal Arch, planned since the Civil War Era many years ago, at the Receptive Circle adjoining the Arlington Memorial Bridge, into a top grade Military Complex/Triumphal Arch, to house, store, and have the rapid ability to use large numbers of drones, plus Snipers, on both the roof and plaza areas, and additionally have and hold large quantities of sniper ammunition in storage. There will be no facility like this anywhere in the World. Out of the 59 top cities and Capitals, Washington, D.C., IS THE ONLY ONE IN THE WORLD THAT DOES NOT HAVE A TRIUMPHAL ARCH, but it will now and, by far, the greatest of them all! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP



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Mark Harris @markharris.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Also, he purged the Kennedy Center of a collection of African art that was given in tribute to JFK, but he installed this, from the Tony Montana Meets Saddam Hussein Collection.
Indescribably, almost parodistically ugly, vulgar, gold-foil relief art, straight out of a dictator's cocaine palace, of Trump raising his fist and saying "Fight! Fight! Fight!" after having his ear grazed by a bullet, and of RFK Jr. with some croaky quote next to him. The art pieces look like something you could unwrap to reveal artificially flavored chocolate from five Easters ago.
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
“… or identify themselves as tradwives. (Those are conservative women who dress like the women in The Sound of Music, but without the opposition to the Anschluss. They're rare enough in reality that the going rate for a professional matchmaker to find one is reportedly $25k).” 🤣🤣
static.klipy.com
Eleanor Parker as The Baroness enjoying a drink
ALT: Eleanor Parker as The Baroness enjoying a drink
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Helen Kennedy @helenkennedy.com · 17/09/2026
Love this. Love everything about this.
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Hmm, the next tenant in my apartment may wonder why the walls are so thick.
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Tabatha Southey🇨🇦 @tabathasouthey.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Speaking on behalf of non-Americans, as I’ve been deputized to do (show of hands thing, you have to have been at the meeting to get it) sweeping impeachments of your war criminals and whatnot would be very good for the American brand. In fact it might be the only way to save it.
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Sigh. If the US’s own Senate and House are unwilling to stand up to Trump and provide all those guardrails and checks and balances they boast about, the have absolutely no place telling us how we should respond to him, nor try to dissuade us from uncoupling our economy for them go forward.
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Radley Balko @radleybalko.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Poll watching right now is like, "Normal candidate with normal opinions ekes out small lead against sweaty bag of farts who sends dick picks to orphans and once dropkicked a puppy with leukemia."
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
how it feels to be canadian
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
So I step away for a bit, nose down trying to deliver code, production fixes, and specially conditioned test data for a 3rd party supplier’s QA, and finally open BlueSky at 2am just looking to update myself. And now I’m slowly backing away and closing the app. Stuff is just too weird right now.
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Kevin Gannon (now a Moo Deng fan account) @thetattooedprof.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Fuck you, make me
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Code name “Ginger” if I recall correctly.
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Likewise, a press embargo until a specific date and time is an agreement between a reporter and subject. If you send out a press release with an embargo statement, the recipient is under no obligation whatsoever to honour it.
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Robert "The Bobby Yaga" McNees @mcnees.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
When the app opens the front camera without warning you
A weird snaggle toothed muppet with shaggy white hair and glowing yellow eyes
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
So what happens when you take a guy with DSPD - delayed sleep phase disorder - and ensure he’s groggy enough a 9 am that he mistakenly takes his night pills (including trazodone and melatonin) instead of his day pills (which include his adhd stimulants Vyvanse and Dexedrine)?
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
I’ve *heard* of 3, but the only one I’ve ever watched, many years ago, is @davejorgenson.bsky.social. Truth is I’m not into short-form video much, and very reluctant with video in general. I prefer to read my news and commentary, not watch it.
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Not a chance. Pas une chance.
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Molly Knight @mollyknight.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Just let women run everything. The other way isn’t working. Let’s give the matriarchy a shot. www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-ne...
usmagazine.com
Melinda Gates Matches Olivia Rodrigo’s $10 Million Daisy Chain Festival Donation to 10 Repro Nonprofits
Melinda French Gates joined Olivia Rodrigo at her inaugural Daisy Chain Fields music festival, doubling a $10 million pledge to nonprofits
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Jan @butwhosjan.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Happy 30-year anniversary to the Democratic National Convention dancing to Macarena
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Parker Benchley 🇨🇦 @parkebench.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I lol’d.
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The Volatile Mermaid @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Imagine having enough cases of bestiality in your recruits that you have to loosen hiring rules to get enough of them in.
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Nome @nome.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
My attempt to feed the ravens has been interrupted By an INTRUDER.
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Stephanie Carvin @stephaniecarvin.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Wake up, babe. The Prime Minister just dropped “hydronym”.
The name Lake Ontario comes from the Wendat word Ontari’io, which, appropriately, means “the lake is beautiful, the lake is big”.

The name is more than 400 years old, predating both the Confederation of Canada and the Declaration of Independence of the United States of America.

We know that America is changing. Their trading relationships, their foreign policies, their national monuments, their hydronyms. 

Canadians also know that naming reality means calling it Lake Ontario – then, now and always.
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Tabatha Southey🇨🇦 @tabathasouthey.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
A few months back, I commented on someone’s post that I don’t think Americans grasp how much — and what long term — damage Trump is doing to Canada/US relations and a well-intentioned woman responded “Oh, no! We do! It will take decades to heal.” Decades. Oh, honey.
cbc.ca
Trump signs order to rename Lake Ontario as 'Lake America' | CBC News
U.S. President Donald Trump on Thursday signed an order directing the interior secretary to rename Lake Ontario to "Lake America," as the trade war with Canada persists.
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The Beaverton @thebeaverton.com · 24/08/2026
Report: Trump admin demanded Canada execute Bonhomme
thebeaverton.com
Report: Trump admin demanded Canada execute Bonhomme
OTTAWA - Reports from the Canada-U.S. trade talks indicates that the Trump Administration made a last-minute demand for the public execution of beloved Québécois celebrity Bonhomme Carnaval.
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Matt Blair @mjmbca.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I really can’t get over what a rookie mistake it is to look the Government of Canada in the eye and say “We’re gonna need you to piss off Quebec.”
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blaine @jblainefoster.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
trying to add "no bilingual packaging" to a trade deal with Canada at the 11th hour is hilarious, it's like trying to add "and ban handguns" to the US side of the agreement
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ᚔᚅᚄᚓᚏᚈ ᚄᚉᚐᚏᚍ ᚅᚐᚋᚓ @ciara2001.eurosky.social · 21/08/2026
The Economist will wonder about giving rights to AIs before giving them to trans people
the Economist asks, "should trans people be sterilised before they are recognised?"
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Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
What if we kissed at the—
90s news Screen grab states: liberty university gay sex command center
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HEALTH @health.band · 15/08/2026
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Brandi Buchman @brandibuchman.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Library funding is tied to usage.
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Kevin M. Kruse @kevinmkruse.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
This might be the greatest example of "Twitter isn't real life."
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Mark Copelovitch @mcopelov.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
Nothing was more indicative of how he is totally cooked & completely out of ideas than his shameful “Sovereignty is for losers, eh?” take on 🇨🇦 last year.
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