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Sam Handwhich

@mjrtom05.bsky.social
244 followers 124 following 3.4K posts

-satirist -I refuse to fight these pacifist allegations. "The best lack all conviction and the worst are full of passionate intensity.... And what rough Beast, it's our come round at last slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?".

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Matt Royer 🤘🏼 @mattroyer.bsky.social · 18h
Per audio obtained by NYT: Ken Paxton, asked by donors if Trump is "a little bit of a drag": "When we did that convention, it dropped our numbers. Everybody's numbers dropped." Trump picked him over John Cornyn.
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MeidasTouch @meidastouch.com · 30/09/2026
Here's footage of Jack Smith at the Iowa vs. Maryland game on February 3rd, 2024 btw
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
It's September 28th. @npr.org up first episode FINALLY addresses the elephant in the room : 2 years of trump clearly going against vastly popular things/taking idiotic stances that hurt his party. It's a month and change to election day and NOW you guy realize the freight train has no brakes?
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
www.washingtonpost.com/style/2026/0... put the word out that whoever actually has to drive the bulldozer or commit the physical action to weaken the Kennedy center to the point of demolition can just say no and then be taken care of by GoFundMe me.
washingtonpost.com
Trump now says the Kennedy Center could be deadly. Months ago, it was ‘great.’
The president’s assessment of the Kennedy Center’s physical condition grew increasingly dire after his name went up on the building and revenue began to plunge.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Arguably the most important question asked today
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
@aljazeera.com I've literally been listening to you guys every single day and I love your programming but turning on your app on my drive today and having to listen to fucking netanyahu's bullshit after you carry so much Western water for these bad actors it's a bit beyond the pale pardon the pun...
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Tom Walsh @tewalsh340.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
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Yashar Ali 🐘 @yasharali.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
So what did Dolly Parton name the entity she established to oversee her estate, publishing interests, and legacy after her death? “She’s Alive LLC.” Absolutely perfect.
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The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
🔥This is how it’s done. Imagine if every anti-immigrant fearmongering liar was grilled like this. #ShowMeTheStats #GetYourPhoneOut 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 (h/t @ukcameraman.bsky.social )
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Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @mayor.nyc.gov · 23/09/2026
The challenges facing our cities may span borders, but so do the ideas that can solve them.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
"Et Tu , Naboo?": the common genetic linkages between human and Gungan.
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Mariana Z @mariana057.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I just bought a crappy car that was made in Prague. The Czech engine light keeps coming on.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
So it'll be the Crash of '27. Brilliant.
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Michelle says: Be kind. Always. ❤️ @snarkysillysad.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Fresh Guacamole by Pes: #AGoodPlace
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MapQuest @mapquest.com · 21/09/2026
Not leaving.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I guess one pseudo silver lining in all of this other abysmal 2026 is that the drive to electric (sorry) is almost certainly going to be driven by the invisible hand if in fact it still exists in this late stage of capitalism and tariff ballyhoo.
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Resist 🕎🍉 @antizionistjew.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
The aggression is reaching Syria? חיילים ישראלים מפלוגה ג׳ בגדוד המילואים 7490 פוצצו מוצב בסוריה Israeli soldiers from Company C of Reserve Battalion 7490 blew up an outpost in Syria. Israeli Channel 14 reports
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Falcoholic Matt @falcoholicmatt.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Falcons offense showing up to work
static.klipy.com
Mitch McConnell Peace Sign
ALT: Mitch McConnell Peace Sign
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Jamie "Clanker H8r" Dyer @jamiedcville.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
"I don't like jawing about the Hapsburgs." -my youngest brother
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Hoodlum 🇺🇸 @nothoodlum.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Mark Carney: “I would now like to inform you that the teleprompter has ceased to function. Unlike a certain world leader, I do not view this as a conspiracy.”
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MeidasTouch @meidastouch.com · 18/09/2026
Mark Carney mocks Trump's accordion hands
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Chekhovs carrot festival
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I'm assuming the reason I haven't heard about the opening sequence with two Peter Lorrie because nobody knows who he was .. Coyote acme
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Silver Lining 2026. If we survive as a Republic and actually re enable checks and balances, the future is almost certainly electrical because there will be no other choice.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
One less girlfriend or wife beaten or killed. No big loss. The world is positively brimming with Y chromosomes.
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Missing The Point @missingthept.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Squirrels? You mean land orcas?
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Jake McIntyre @jakemcintyre.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
We should make it the new tradition.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
What a great first game for Buffalo fans. The Buffalo Bills Vs Amon Ra St. Brown!
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I've never seen a quarterback do a two-handed over the head pass before
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I hate to give you t to Amazon, but the alternate broadcast PrimeView (overhead, slight angle, full field, u see plays develop from above) is the only way to watch. Much better than the usual distracted cameraman with his crush of the minuteBS
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elia ayoub @ayoub.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Friend shared this video of a man unveiling the library he hid when he fled Damascus in 2011. It’s incredible
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Lisa Guerrero @lisaguerrero.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Not only did I meet Robert Kraft, I worked for him. His kid Jonathan asked me to “remove the black music” from my gameday playlist in ‘94 & I refused so they fired me. I was the cheerleader director at the time.  I sued them for wrongful termination and won. So yes, I know that motherfucker. 
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Angel Mendez🏳️‍🌈🦋 @akm6.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
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AgentJoeMcJoe 🇺🇸 @joemcjoe11.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
NOTICE TO MEDIA. STOP CALLING HIM KASH. His legal name is KASHYAP PRAMOD VINOD PATEL.
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Me in 2050: …and that’s how Macklemore became a civil rights icon. My son, Dale Jr.: Wow his music must’ve been incredible. Me: Dale Jr.: Like so many good songs. Me: Dale Jr.: Was he the A Change Is Gonna Come Guy? Me: Dale Jr.: Me:
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InfoWars @realinfowars.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Guaranteed to keep you and your pets demon-free. Only at store.theonion.com.
A dog laying on grass next to a tennis ball, wearing a patch on its forehead. The image promotes "Demon Guard" protection patches for pets. The packaging is shown, and the text suggests protection from dark entities for both humans and pets. The Infowars logo is present.
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The houthis have released video of them shooting down an f-15 from the Saudi Air Force, dramatically changing the paradigm in the Middle East and you wouldn't know it from today's news in the United States...
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Michael Warburton @michaelwarburton.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
You gotta love ROGER MOORE
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Count Binface @countbinface.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Read all about it! My tactics, my strategy, my toilet-buying suggestions and (as if you need it) much more. countbinface.substack.com/p/exclusive-...
countbinface.substack.com
EXCLUSIVE: WHY I’M NOT RUNNING
Holborn & St Pancras will just have to make do...
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Missing The Point @missingthept.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
The Grok Odyssey remake features Kash Patel being lashed to the mast to resist fucking dolphins.
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Michelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I spotted an albino leopard the other day. It was the least I could do. (I'll just show myself out, thank you very much.)
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Molly Knight @mollyknight.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Ed Sheeran’s band just quit the Ed Sheeran tour.
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Digital Brain @yourdigitalbrain.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
After lifting the trophy, this player skipped the usual VIP photo and pulled the stadium janitors in for the championship shot instead
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Guys THAT AINT MITCH MCCONNELL
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Sam Handwhich @mjrtom05.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
This AI industry trillion dollar about face is 100% a rope-a-dope I just can't figure out what they're trying to accomplish
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Digital Brain @yourdigitalbrain.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
A man rapped with his dog at the Apollo, the stage famous for booing acts off before their first verse, and the crowd went wild for both of them.
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Stephanie Miller @stephaniemiller.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
And now, another message from Judge Jeanine.
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Suzen @rebel-librarian.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Weijia Jiang & Trump chatting it up at the White House Correspondents dinner. That’s it. That’s my entire post.
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Johnny Vector @johnnyvector.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Old enough to remember when it was "reducing CO₂ to stop global warming" that was pointless because China was going to destroy the world with coal plants anyway. Now they're the overwhelming world power in switching to renewable energy. But I'm sure this time the concern is in good faith.
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