Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 17hA friend was wearing a blue and white striped top and a beret, had a string of onions around his neck and carried souvenirs from the Basilica of Notre-Dame de Fourvière. “Why are you dressed like that?” I said. "I've been to Lyon, see?” he said. "I don't understand," I said. "That's in Essex.” 140
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I've been chatting to a body piercer. He says he knows how to make a penis weight, but he won't tell me until tomorrow. 091
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 28/09/2026"There are certain shades of beige which have become the global norm for working with nuclear material." "ISO taupes?" "Those are something to do with nuclear material, yes." 050
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Has anyone ever wanted to read an interview with me in Spanish? ¿Por que no? editorialcontrapunto.com/blogs/news/n...editorialcontrapunto.comExplicaciones exactas sin tecnicismos: No hay preguntas tontasNo hay preguntas tontas ¿Te has preguntado alguna vez si los dinosaurios estornudaban? ¿Qué pasa si te caes a un volcán? ¿Para qué sirven las cejas? y ¿Cómo van al baño los astronautas? Las respuestas... 001
Reposted by Mike Ramptonceej @ceej.online · 30/10/2024Apple Computer? From Richard Scarry’s Busytown? 754862
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 23/09/2026"My Lord, I am upset about a lady. Prithee, I hath spent the afternoon crying in a skip." "Dumpster?" "No, alas, she dumpst me. We only dateth briefly, but I gotteth overexcited I supposeth." 030
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 15/09/2026"I reckon you're too thick to know the word for a metrical foot used in poetry." "Iamb?" "Yes you are." 020
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 11/09/2026There is an incredible idea in this which is free to anyone who can do anything with it. Millions await! interestingskull.beehiiv.com/p/poor-perfo...interestingskull.beehiiv.comPoor performanceA Hollywood-ready idea and some whoppin' laughs 001
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 10/09/2026My really good monthly newsletter goes out tomorrow. It only has a paltry 80 subscribers despite this being issue 45. That is really, really rubbish! Wow! That's depressing! It's a shame because the newsletter is extraordinarily funny and excellent. interestingskull.beehiiv.cominterestingskull.beehiiv.comHome | Interesting SkullJokes and freelancing insights (mainly jokes) from author and journalist Mike Rampton 000
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 10/09/2026"I'm taking my sister's kid to the south of France." "Nice?" "No, nephew. We're going to stay in an unimaginably fancy house there." "Toulouse?" "Even fancier than that. Three! Might celebrate with a drink." "Cannes?" "No, a bottle of wine I reckon." etc 050
Reposted by Mike RamptonRoland Pierik @roleo.eurosky.social · 08/09/2026The number of cases of cervical cancer reported in Scotland among women given the HPV vaccine at 12-13 years of age is now zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. Zero. www.bbc.com/news/article...bbc.comNo cervical cancer cases in fully HPV-vaccinated women in ScotlandA study published by Public Health Scotland finds that the HPV vaccine is "highly effective". 6360802270
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 02/09/2026"I am the famous tough-guy actor Mr Marvin. I fancy doing a bunch of drugs shaped like a piece of clothing, here in a village in Bedfordshire, near Wrestlingworth." "Cockayne Hatley?" "I'd love one, thanks. I'll have that here in Tadlow. Lovely." 000
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 01/09/2026"I thought about a celebrated vaudeville-adjacent comedian while at Glastonbury." "W.C. Fields?" "No, I was near the Pyramid Stage as I thought about Fatty Arbuckle." 010
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 25/08/2026The audiobook of the very cool STEM-tastic book I wrote with the University of Cambridge, There's No Such Thing As A Silly Question, is out today, read by proper actors with good voices. Get it wherever you get your audiobooks! It's good stuff! 031
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 21/08/2026The summer's run away from me. Here is a two-week-late version of my strikingly under-read monthly newsletter. Please subscribe to it. interestingskull.beehiiv.com/p/carly-rae-...interestingskull.beehiiv.comCarly Rae Doneaplop, that's a very low jinkWhat month is it? Oh dear oh dear oh dear 010
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 20/08/2026"One of the Traveling Wilburys stole part of my drum kit, so I am planning to punch him." "Floor tom?" "No, I'm going to deck Roy Orbison for nicking my snare." 020
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 18/08/2026"I'm reading a book by a notoriously cruel man, then going to see my favourite soul singer in a special French tent made for and named after her." "Marquee de Sade?" "No, after reading Niccolo Machiavelli's The Prince I'm off to Le Big Top Du Anita Baker." 000
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 14/08/2026I asked David Bowie to describe where I should look to find Czechoslovakia on a map produced in the 1920s. He said: Actually, work the punchline to this out yourself, it'll be more rewarding that way. 000
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 11/08/2026"People in the Czech city I visited seemed very forthright. Know what I mean?" "Frank Brno impression?" "No, I was just using the phrase 'know what I mean?' in enquiry as to whether you knew what I meant about my experiences with the outspoken, brazen people of Ostrava." 101
Reposted by Mike RamptonAdam Roberts @adamroberts.bsky.social · 08/08/2026"We were playing a game with our kids when my wife told me that the eighteenth-century's greatest composer actually followed an Indian religion!" "Haydn? Sikh?" "An unusual occasion to discover that Mozart was Hindu, yes." 0193
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 08/08/2026“I saw an Olympic shot-putter in the airport earlier.” “Heathrow?” “No, he carried his suitcases in a way that demonstrated his strength though.” 120
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 08/08/2026This also, maddeningly, stops the useful thing it's had for years of sorting emails into promotions, updates etc. Absolutely infuriating. 000
Reposted by Mike RamptonAdam Christopher @adamchristopher.me · 06/08/2026People wanting a free, and AI-free, alternative to Google Docs for writing (because holy moly you should NOT be using Google Docs for anything), go to Ellipsus: ellipsus.comellipsus.comEllipsus | Collaborative writing softwareWrite, edit, and collaborate on any device. Ellipsus is a principled alternative to Google Docs—built for writers, by writers. Sign up for free. 19044
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 05/08/2026I don't like to boast about my glamorous lifestyle, but I'm about to have an endoscopy. 110
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 04/08/2026“Today’s my weekly metal joinery class with one of the stars of Once Upon A Time In America.” “Tuesday Weld?” “Yes, that’s the name of the class I attend with Elizabeth McGovern.” 100
Reposted by Mike RamptonMike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 11/09/2024I like using the phrase "busman's holiday" when I travel. The thing is, I use it so much at home... 001
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 02/08/2026Not 100% sure about the cropping choices on this page from Gerard Depardieu’s cookbook. 010
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 31/07/2026“I cried a lot when given my Oscar. Everything was covered in tears.” “Statuette?” “It was, and my tuxedo was soggy too.” 010
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 28/07/2026"That's enough photographing the Swinging Sixties for me, I'm going to compress large quantities of hay for easy transportation!" said David, bale-y. 000
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 26/07/2026"I've done such a good job of painting this pair of Egyptian symbols that I feel like rewarding myself with a treat." "Two ankhs?" "I was thinking more of a nice cup of tea and a biscuit, but perhaps." 040
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 24/07/2026All of my beliefs are shaped by the fundamental idea that we are all equally good at aikido and blues guitar. I guess you could call it a seagalitarian outlook. 010
Reposted by Mike Rampton🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 22/07/2026who do we want? the funk soul brother when do we want him? right about now 363084818
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 23/07/2026"Games Workshop are hiring a writer who's really into Warhammer." "40,000?" "Doubt it. Writing is very poorly paid." www.linkedin.com/jobs/view/44...linkedin.comGames Workshop hiring Writer in Nottingham, England, United Kingdom | LinkedInPosted 2:08:44 PM. About The JobDo you live and breathe Warhammer and have your finger on the pulse of the global…See this and similar jobs on LinkedIn. 050
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 22/07/2026My pal Steve has started a Substack. It's good! superdupermentalhealth.substack.com/p/in-the-las...superdupermentalhealth.substack.comIn the last day, over 206,000 people have read my words.Which is quite something, really. 100
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 22/07/2026"One of the members of Slade broke both his arms, and employed me to help him go to the toilet." "Noddy Holder?" "That was one of the things Dave Hill employed me as, yes. And a botty-wiper." 020
Reposted by Mike RamptonLouie Stowell @louiestowell.bsky.social · 17/07/2026This is joyous! Also I enjoy that I managed to sneak a loki behind @athenakugblenu.bsky.social's head.... 1131
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 17/07/2026Along with @louiestowell.bsky.social and @athenakugblenu.bsky.social I am in issue eight of The Epistle, the school newspaper of a Cambridge school that I think is called St Paul’s. They have a Newspaper Club and do an issue every term. Excellent work! 020
Reposted by Mike RamptonTiffany C. Graham @bluenote123.bsky.social · 15/07/2026I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that’s rape. www.salon.com/2026/07/15/m... 30459481473
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 15/07/2026Hello. I'm neck-deep in fun book projects but could really do with some fun smaller freelance writing work. I'm good at it and have written for lots of magazines, websites and brands, but I've fallen out of touch with people. If you are someone who commissions writers, please commission me. Thanks! 000
Reposted by Mike RamptonJuliaEdits @juliaedits.bsky.social · 13/07/2026Writers & authors, with all the nonstop scams going around, you should be aware of @victoriastrauss.com's heroic work at Writer Beware. It's sponsored by SFF by has great info for writers of all genres.writerbeware.blogWriter BewareShining a small, bright light in a wilderness of writing scams 02519
Reposted by Mike RamptonDavey Jones @daveyjones.bsky.social · 10/07/2026Cartoon from 2005: Ann Widdecombe and her High Church Mice 24437108
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 10/07/2026Why wasn’t the badger at school? It was an in-sett day. 1226
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 03/07/2026A personal disclosure and a great joke about a badger. interestingskull.beehiiv.com/p/a-foot-noteinterestingskull.beehiiv.comA foot noteAnd many great jokes, including a really wholesome one about a badger 000
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 03/07/2026There's an Interesting Skull going out later today. It's my monthly newsletter of book plugs, career updates and actual proper jokes. Not a lot of people subscribe to it. You should be one of them! interestingskull.beehiiv.cominterestingskull.beehiiv.comHome | Interesting SkullJokes and freelancing insights (mainly jokes) from author and journalist Mike Rampton 000
Reposted by Mike RamptonMatthew Castle @mrbasilpesto.bsky.social · 27/06/2026Thriller idea: man with world's second smallest penis has to stop him. 1143561512
Reposted by Mike RamptonChristina Martin @christinamartin.bsky.social · 27/06/2026Weekend book buyers. Here's what my latest is all about... 33911
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 27/06/2026What do you call an actor, orator and after-dinner speaker who is sufficient and no more? Sir Peter Justenov 020
Mike Rampton @mikerampton.bsky.social · 26/06/2026“A pharaoh bought me dinner where Home & Away is set.” “Rameses’ treat?” “No, you are thinking of Neighbours. Home & Away is set in Summer Bay, and that is where Cleopatra paid for my meal.” 010
Reposted by Mike RamptonDavey Jones @daveyjones.bsky.social · 18/06/2026There's a new Viz on sale today, featuring 'Keir Starmer's Pajama Drama.' And my use of the American spelling for 'pyjama' throughout the strip was of course deliberate - it was a wry, ironical comment on, er, the global infiltration of Americanisms, or something. 9469