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Mariya Alexander

@mariyaalexander.bsky.social
7.5K followers 169 following 344 posts

Just here to have a nice apocalypse. Moisturized. Unbothered.

PostsRepliesMedia
Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 21/02/2025
Oh good once again everyone is freaking out about some stupid little hand gesture by some stupid fucking douchebag while ignoring or let’s face it pretty much supporting the brutal torture and murder of literal Jewish babies, I fucking hate y’all so much it’s not even funny
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 13/02/2025
I am a Jeopardy girl living in a Wheel Of Fortune world
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 27/01/2025
I have no idea what the fuck anyone is talking about anymore (bragging)
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Reposted by Mariya Alexander
Sean Thomason @seanthomason.bsky.social · 22/01/2025
Figured out how to fix my clogged bathroom sink yesterday and it was the most satisfying thing I've done in a while. If you're feeling low, I strongly recommend clogging and then fixing your bathroom sink.
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 22/01/2025
Just did one (1) self-care which has earned me two to three (2-3) self-destructions
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 12/01/2025
Just because climate change is real doesn’t mean that politicians aren’t using it as a convenient catch-all deflection from their own incompetence and dereliction of basic duties 😉
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 12/01/2025
I used to only block people if they were mean to me but now I block people for being cringey embarrassing losers and it’s way more satisfying
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 11/01/2025
Living through apocalyptic fires WHILE recovering from Norovirus has been quite an adventure (derogatory)
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 11/01/2025
These fires are absolutely horrific and yet everyone’s dumb ass takes are somehow even worse????
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 09/01/2025
My therapist: so what’s been going on? Me: girl, how much time you got My therapist: exactly 1 hour
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 08/01/2025
Trying to work right now is so fucking stupid, I'll email someone like "hey, just following up on this thing I guess???" and they'll write back like "sorry, I am currently running for my life as my home and everything I own burns to the ground, I'll circle back later" 🤪
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 08/01/2025
Wish someone would come and arrest my mayor and also my entire state’s government tbh
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
I don’t know who needs to hear this but you don’t have to be doing all that
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 07/01/2025
Literally no one: Heidi Klum: I should do an erotic lingerie photoshoot with my daughter
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Reposted by Mariya Alexander
Sarah @thetigersez.bsky.social · 03/01/2025
If you include the words “philosopher” and “spiritual” in your bio on any website you should be sent straight to jail
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 03/01/2025
Me, day to day living in Los Angeles: Ugh! Everything is so dirty! It’s so loud! Someone stole my packages again! Me, after a week of visiting family on the East coast, flying back to Los Angeles: I am going to kiss the filthy meth-infested ground as soon as we land, god bless this holy place 😭❤️🫶
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 03/01/2025
My life would be so much easier if I was a proper selfish bitch
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 01/01/2025
My 89 year old extremely Ukrainian grandpa just asked me what Kesha’s last name is while dancing to her New Year’s Rockin’ Eve performance, as a sign of respect 🥹
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 31/12/2024
A very important message ✊
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 30/12/2024
Currently visiting my family aka doing hard time
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
When I am president Timothee Chalamet will be legally barred from acting or whatever the hell it is he thinks he’s doing
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 27/12/2024
I have been a vegetarian for over 15 years so of course my parents still ask whether I eat chicken at every opportunity
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 26/12/2024
I dare you to have a nice day, as a goof
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 25/12/2024
Merry Christmas and happy Chanukah from my daughter and her friend 🥰
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 24/12/2024
This app feels like the two new follow-up seasons of Arrested Development (not great)
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 23/12/2024
Resting in power sounds terrible and exhausting tbh
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 23/12/2024
Brb, weeping my way through A Real Pain, don’t text
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 18/12/2024
Imagine meeting the love of your life and then discovering they unironically use hashtags on social media
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 18/12/2024
This is an open invitation for everyone to stop embarrassing themselves
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 16/12/2024
Remember: it’s not how much or how little you know about a topic, it’s how smug and unhinged you are in your proclamations about it that counts
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 16/12/2024
Well it looks like evolving from violent apes into even more violent apes may have been a mistake
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Reposted by Mariya Alexander
Lock Wilford @lockwilford.com · 16/12/2024
To be honest if you have never had to boot up a computer with a five inch floppy disk then you have had it easy and I think you're a pussy
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 15/12/2024
Earlier in the week me is a stupid bitch for promising my friends that today me would leave the house
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 15/12/2024
Fun prank: live a life of quiet stoicism and unwavering integrity
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 13/12/2024
Me: I disagree! Person: but I didn’t even say anything Me: nevertheless…
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 11/12/2024
Being a good judge of character is a real bummer
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 10/12/2024
[pointing at most things] I’m not here for all that
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Reposted by Mariya Alexander
Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 09/12/2024
First of all, I didn’t “karate chop” your baby. We were sparring
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 09/12/2024
I heard a text come in while I was exercising and I thought “this better fucking be important to be texting me all early during my workout” and I looked and it was my friend sharing yet another unhinged news story about Australian breakdancer Raygun and I was like “wow ok this IS important”
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 07/12/2024
Offering a service where you send me your Spotify Wrapped and I carefully review it and tell you whether you should post it online, unfortunately 99% of the time the answer will be a firm NO
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Reposted by Mariya Alexander
Jamie 1947 @jamie1947.bsky.social · 06/12/2024
Hell yeah I’ve been appointed to a cabinet position, I’m near the top behind the cans of beans
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 05/12/2024
Planning a wedding while categorically not wanting to be around any people is a wild ride
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
The chasm between the takes people post online and what they say to me via text or in person - she is wide
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Reposted by Mariya Alexander
13spencer @13spencer.bsky.social · 18/11/2024
[At a Diddy freak-off party] Um does anyone have hand sanitizer?
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
Is it cake???? Literally none of my business
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 04/12/2024
In terms of this happening, why
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 02/12/2024
I should be able to do federal crimes too 😤
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 01/12/2024
I have become what was once unfathomable: an emotionally healthy adult who feels no need to impress others and finds quiet joy in the mundane
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Mariya Alexander @mariyaalexander.bsky.social · 30/11/2024
My lived experience is you’re an idiot
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