theonion.com
Translator Of Original ‘Minions’ Epic Poem Slams ‘Sexless, Bloodless’ Film Adaptation
PHILADELPHIA—In a 4,500-word essay published in Harper’s Magazine, Emily Wilson, known for her popular translation of the Minions epic poem, blasted the latest film Thursday as a “sexless, bloodless” ...
![Excerpt from filing: "Based on this request, USAO-DC [the DC district attorney office] received 695 megabytes of additional documents from DOI, which took days to review. These documents indicate a rushed and flawed installation process, with repeated failures of the lining during the installation process, and extensive peeling of the lining throughout the Reflicting Pool."](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kjajzkyswsc32afso7ecrrgk/bafkreighzgk64cdm53wqje3pbhff5nfblhknihswi62khfgybaqqnpe2oe)
![Further excerpt: "Following the initiation of this prosecution, DOI and contractor personnel inspected the Reflecting Pool on Monday, July 20, 2026, after it had been drained for repairs. BCS Construction Engineering made a number of findings, including that:
1) ... Various theories were discussed as to the cause of the failures... An apparent cause of failure may be the application of too little or too much XP bonding agent.
2) At each coating failure along the perimeter, [redacted] proposed the following remediation: remove all existing failed material until firmly adhered material is encountered, power wash the exposed area to clean the substrate, grind abrade the substrate, apply XP bonding agent...
3) Many areas were observed where Pipeline 5000 was applied for texture over 11-35 and oversprayed onto existing Pipeliner 5000 and hence had not bonded...
Although "[v]arious theories were discussed as to the cause of the fail;ures," overspaying and a failure of the coating to bond predominated in the report.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:kjajzkyswsc32afso7ecrrgk/bafkreif5fjabntk3ftjenxh5cgv37up75d7opuri3g3rwwc5vczu2lswmi)
![[Jon Bernthal with a bald head and full beard.]
"The Odyssey"
[Line drawing of an optical illusion face with a bald head and a long beard.]
[Jon Bernthal with hair on top and a shaved face.]
"Spider-Man: BND"
[The same line drawing inverted, where the beard becomes head hair.]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4djfp3b27soxcfkxhirydi6d/bafkreig3vbbiut7ghmbq4ouwv5iwz6ienqo54znk7ablqq5aws3ca2v4ee)
