jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 06/10/2026I just think if you’re going to endlessly post about your relationship when it’s going well, you owe us ONE post where you tell us why you got divorced 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 06/10/2026The higher the number of couple pics on insta the uglier the divorce 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 06/10/2026Help! Somebody I sort of knew in high school got divorced and deleted all of their couple pics from Instagram but I don’t have anyone I can ask for tea :( 000
Reposted by jortspartypixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Sad news everyone. Our beloved friend the computer has now become a hated enemy 163116822507
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 01/10/2026I just think if they fuck up your execution twice they should have to let you go 🤷🏻♀️ 010
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 29/09/2026My 9/11 is that too many theatres are producing Come From Away this season 001
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Minneapolis sober is when you’re not sober and also you smoke weed 000
Reposted by jortspartyceej @ceej.online · 25/09/2026Be serious. Bert and Ernie are not “in love.” Maybe they used to be, once 903301395
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 21/09/2026I like my women like I like my butter lettuce from the co-op: living. 010
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Some of us don’t fit into the “nonbinary” or “not nonbinary” binary 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 15/09/2026If you have to bend over backwards to prove your writing is human and not AI, allow me to speculate that you’re not a very good writer. 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Nothing will bring you spiritually closer to a stranger than shitting in the same toilet you can tell they just shat in 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 24/08/2026Nothing can be more traumatic than being forced to check your carry-on 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Granola Recall is my favorite movie about some yoga chick with three boobs 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 19/08/2026I have granola recall in that I can remember having eaten granola (: 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Guy at the gym unselfconsciously blasting Christian gospel rock on the public speakers at fullest volume 010
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 11/08/2026And I’m gonna observe the attorney general’s observers, and the DSA is going to observe me, and firefighters are going to observe the DSA, and chefs are gonna observe the firefighters, and Big Judy is going to observe the chefs! 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 07/08/2026Fish fear me. Women also fear me. But fish women fear me most of all. 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 07/08/2026Last year’s green marshmallow-flavored Halloween Kit-Kat’s 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 06/08/2026@maaaaaaaajor-donor.bsky.social keeps track of this 120
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 06/08/2026Working on my new musical “Cum From a Gay” which is about having homosexual intercourse on 9/11/2001 010
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 05/08/2026There’s never any money for schools or hospitals, though. 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 03/08/2026Some of the weirdest, most zombified dudes I’ve ever seen in my life coming out of a wrestling event in downtown Minneapolis today 000
Reposted by jortspartylittle lamb @puddleofbrain.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Your 30s are all about making your peace with death and your 40s are all about asking the guy at the sandwich shop if he ever gets a free sandwich 624538
Reposted by jortspartyRobert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 30/07/2026it's tough being the only person who dislikes Chris Nolan movies without being weird about it. but after cutting the eyes out of several hundred print-outs of the Interstellar poster, I'm in a pretty good place. 53117445
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 20/07/2026The real winners tonight are the people who don’t give a fuck about the World Cup 020
Reposted by jortspartyjosh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 18/07/2026It's called The Odyssey because the odyence will see it 171185160
Reposted by jortspartyjessica BONEStown @newfoundgloryhole.bsky.social · 07/07/2026THE ACKROOMS 125136432874
Reposted by jortspartyArlan Skellington (famous) @thehell.zone · 30/06/2026I just met you and this is crazy but I’m selling shoes that were for a baby 81446282
Reposted by jortspartyarr @arr.bsky.social · 05/06/2026english isn't for cowards. if you're not saying 'torpify,' that's a skill issue. there's no Académie Française telling you what to do. if you try to type 'pallific' and freak out when you see a little red underline, maybe you're not ready to roll with the big dogs. 437153854208
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 23/05/2026The only thing worse than watching a Shakespeare play is watching it outside 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 12/05/2026NO I do not want to go SWIMMING with you and your MOM’s new BOYFRIEND 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 12/05/2026If even ONE person from Bluesky came to my play it will have been worth making this post 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 12/05/2026Back before we had cell phones, if you were fighting with your wife the only thing you could do to distract yourself was to play solo billiards in the parlor 000
Reposted by jortspartythe Mountain Goats @themountaingoats.bsky.social · 10/05/2026you know what the real data center is. the human mind. thank you, 1205803828
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 09/05/2026Help! I’m trapped in a hole with my sister and she won’t stop listing off bones! 010
Reposted by jortspartyJorts (and Jean) @jortsthecat.bsky.social · 07/05/2026Jorts don’t step on my sandwich. Jorts stop walking on my neck. Jorts don’t pee in the sink. What happened to freedom 433067284
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 06/05/2026Nice hemorrhoidal ointment, bro. Where’d you get that, Walgreens?! 😂😂😂 000
jortsparty @jortsparty.bsky.social · 05/05/2026It’s impossible to tell who’s a lesbian just by looking…you have to ask! 000
Reposted by jortspartyOlúfẹ́mi O. Táíwò @olufemiotaiwo.bsky.social · 04/05/2026WIFE: remember the time you talked shit about that restaurant that has now become one of our favorite, most reliable dinner options? ME: oh you mean the time that we dialectically overcame a past era of contradictions through protracted struggle? 251448146
