John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Shout out to the witchcraft book containing "Spell for Avoiding Jury Duty". It worked! 010
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Happy Labor Day! Sincerely, Your Future AI Overlordsmcsweeneys.netAnnouncing Our AI Data Center’s First Take Your Child to Work Day“You will have the opportunity to showcase your daily routines for the edification of your little one in hopes it will instill a desire in them to remain liv... 021
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsMayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @mayor.nyc.gov · 25/08/2026This is truly heartbreaking. Dolly Parton was an extraordinary person and an irreplaceable champion of the working class. We are a better country because of her. 491506877329
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 25/08/2026If you ever get a chance to see Brent's standup, do not hesitate. 171
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsRobert Reich @rbreich.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Casual reminder that the myth of “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” is a cruel hoax designed to convince poor people from all walks of life that the injustices they face are a result of their own actions, rather than an oppressive system rigged against them. 585216956242
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsProsediva @prosediva.bsky.social · 12/08/2026Tfw you got left on the plane in Turkey 26900128
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsSnarkyshadow @snarkyshadow.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Fobidden Planet 031
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsRobert Falls @robertfalls.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Every third post on my feed today, there’s that fucking bloated orange sack of shit’s face again — a malignant jack-o’-lantern marinated in grease, vanity, and human sewage. 1131
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Been a bit since I found a payphone ghost. Using a payphone from your car was very cool in 1987. 020
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsMcSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 08/08/2026"You will have the opportunity to showcase your daily routines for the edification of your little one in hopes it will instill a desire in them to remain living here and work for us when we need to obtain fresh humans."buff.lyAnnouncing Our AI Data Center’s First Take Your Child to Work Day“You will have the opportunity to showcase your daily routines for the edification of your little one in hopes it will instill a desire in them to remain liv... 23910
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 04/08/2026If Ash isn't afraid to read, you shouldn't be either. 010
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 03/08/2026As AI Data Centers consume the land and resources around us, it’s time to start preparing future generations to serve them. My new one for @mcsweeneys.net 0254
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsDerf Backderf @derfbackderf.bsky.social · 29/07/20261,100,000 Americans died from Covid, and these fucking scumbags want everyone to believe that it was all a hoax & didn't happen. My Mom died in a Covid ward in 2020. I couldn't get in to see her. A nurse held up the phone to my Mom's ear so I could tell her goodbye. I hate these people. Truly. 512936
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 28/07/2026I'm not saying that Matt Damon copied this pose from my YouTube Evil Dead II parody short Desperately Seeking Chainsaw, but there, I didn't say it. #TheOdyssey #DesperatelySeekingChainsaw 110
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 24/07/2026From now on I will be using this list of Gmail AI-suggested responses to an email as my go-to response to all future emails: 110
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsJennifer Goodland @libraryjenn.bsky.social · 21/07/2026There are so many Stephen Miller insults in this whole thread but I want this one to get a little sunlight 550856
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 12/07/2026"...conspiracy theories are history for stupid people." 😂 031
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsDread Meadow @deadlyflowers.bsky.social · 30/06/2026Bang-on, as usual with McSweeney's! 0273
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsHeather Anne Campbell @heathercampbell.bsky.social · 24/06/2026can’t believe a narcissist is being so publicly humiliated by a reflecting pool 502243435591
Reposted by John Howard Matthews𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 18/06/2026I’m so immature but this is immaculate. 30583291476
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 16/06/2026I can read the title of this piece until time ends and it will always crack me up. Then the piece itself is even better. 0203
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 07/06/2026Another successful faked moon landing. #BostonTerrier #@Boston_Bits 010
Reposted by John Howard Matthews Patsy “Resistance Kitty” Evans Ph.D. @drharmony.net · 04/06/2026 77106152426
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 02/06/2026Rare photo of Daisy Matthews, revolutionary leader of STU (Stuffed Toy Underground). 170
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsJooli-AHH! Boolia 👻🍂🎃 @jooliaghoulia.bsky.social · 31/05/2026BREAKING: Charles Manson backs out of the Freedom 250 concert 0113862199
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsNeil Steinberg @neilsteinberg.bsky.social · 14/05/2026Among the many reasons I'm proud to be in the union is they tend to have good graphics. Today, on the newspaper's Slack channel, we're replacing our photos with this way-cool logo to remind our masters that people make the Sun-Times, not AI slop. 1245
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsULTRA💀BLAST @ultrakillblast.bsky.social · 10/05/2026Happy Mother's Day 4874241664
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsBIG D GRANDROYAL @bigdgrandroyal.bsky.social · 03/05/2026Do you Remember when Obama, Clinton and Bush tried to get a comedian fired for making fun of them??? Me neither … only whiny b!tches do that 🤷🏻♂️ 243112192371
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 21/04/2026Happy April 21st "Fog Day" to all who celebrate. Wrote some satire on Medium to commemorate the day. medium.com/@planetstrik...medium.comDon’t Worry Stevie, I’m Staying Away From The Fog (And Antonio Bay) For GoodApril 21, 1980 010
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 09/04/2026Found this on street today. Maybe try to apply at Duke of Oil instead? 110
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsBrent Terhune @brentterhune.bsky.social · 04/04/2026He got transported to Waffle House 36851156
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 25/03/2026"If NASA allows lycanthropes to perform a successful moon landing, we run the risk of ushering in a hyper-advanced civilization of lunar-dwelling space wolves. This outcome is undesirable." 😂😆😂 031
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsBob Dinitto @ninzo.bsky.social · 24/03/2026You can lead a Republican to facts but you can't make them think. 011
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsMolly Jong-Fast @mollyjongfast.bsky.social · 24/03/2026I hate how stupid everything is. 603148691485
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsLen Grossman @modemjunkie.bsky.social · 23/03/2026Iran War won't be so absentee chicago.suntimes.com/opinion/2026... By @neilsteinberg.bsky.socialchicago.suntimes.comIran War won't be so absenteeDonald Trump says his war against Iran will end "very soon." The truth is, nobody knows when this will end. 032
Reposted by John Howard Matthewshammancheez but spooky @hammancheez.bsky.social · 21/03/2026OK, so it’s official from the President of the United States when someone you don’t like dies it’s OK to say “I’m glad he’s dead” we got it in writing folks 786137142793
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 20/03/2026So long, Chuck. Thanks for all the face kicks.apnews.comChuck Norris, martial arts master and actor whose toughness became internet lore, dies at 86The martial arts grandmaster and action star Chuck Norris has died. His roles in “Walker, Texas Ranger” and other television shows and movies made him an iconic tough guy, sparking internet parodies a... 011
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsGovernor JB Pritzker @govpritzker.illinois.gov · 05/03/2026Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Kristi Noem. 752224994974
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 04/03/2026The Evil Dead franchise, especially Evil Dead 2 and 3 are like chicken soup. Whenever I'm sick or the chips are down, I can count on them to make me feel better. Cancer can suck on this.usatoday.comActor Bruce Campbell shares 'treatable, not curable' cancer battleIn a lengthy post on social media, Campbell told fans that he is prioritizing treatment over upcoming appearances. 031
Reposted by John Howard MatthewsBrent Terhune @brentterhune.bsky.social · 28/02/2026Iran? You haven’t even finished Venezuela. How can you have any Iran if you don’t finish your Venezuela! 581065180
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 25/02/2026SOTU update: In the immortal words of Popeye, "That's all I can stands... I can't stands no more!" 110
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 16/02/2026This is the kind of thing that will give waterboarding a bad reputation.ksl.comWasatch County GOP chairman accused of waterboarding teen daughterA Heber City man, who is also the Wasatch County GOP chairman, was charged Wednesday with aggravated child abuse, a first-degree felony, and accused of waterboarding his teen daughter as a form of pun... 221
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 12/02/2026Great piece in PIC today. A sage warning to fortify the love shack or meditation pod while there's still time. 061
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 27/01/2026Thrilled to have my humor piece on data breaches published by @pointsincase! Now available publicly (and probably on the dark web too). 🔓💻 052
John Howard Matthews @johnmatthews.bsky.social · 27/01/2026I’ve just been notified that my private, sensitive humor piece about data breaches has been made publicly available on the internet. 011