jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024Crying in the fish & chips shop because they won’t deep-fry my dead hamster (it’s what she would have wanted) 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024I’m taking the dogs for a walk (running around a Tesco car park without any shoes on screaming for somebody to love me) 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024Swallowing marbles so the next time I get food poisoning I turn into a human machine gun 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Someone’s had some nasty-ass sex in the Popemobile I just know it. 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Love seeing a new generation of shit posters thrive on this platform 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Forcing my nan to play Boar on the Floor or I won’t give her her medications 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Bugs Bunny’s girlfriend in Space Jam fucked up an entire generation of men 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Me (about to watch The Bear): a bear trying to run a restaurant?! This is going to be good. Me (watching The Bear): he’s gonna show up any minute and fuck some shit up. Me (after watching The Bear): this is bullshit 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Mad Men is bullshit. There were only a handful of scenes where I would describe the men as “mad” 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024$10000000 business idea: holy communion wine flavoured vape 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Lawyer: Mr. Kelly, these are very serious allegations we’re talking about. Mr. Kelly: Please, call me Machine Gun 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024I want to carve the turkey this year and if dad tries any off his bullshit I’ll swing the saw around while screaming about the time I saw him smoking cigarettes behind the shed after he told mum he had quit 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024FUN FACT: Jesus’s middle name was “Ron” after celebrated actor, producer and filmmaker Ron Howard. 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024I would have bullied Harry Potter. Used wedgie spells on the nerd. 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Giving Deliveroo drivers 1 star ratings if they refuse to hug me 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Me: My doctor: Me: I really think— Doctor: you’ve got tonsil stones. You don’t don’t need a rectal exam 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Giving my vacuum cleaner a day off by rubbing my mouth across the carpet and inhaling 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 30/11/2024I’ve always struggled with self-confidence. But I can proudly say I genuinely believe I could beat up any 6 year old on the planet. 000
Reposted by jonkyill-boo-mi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 29/11/2024if life ever handed me lemons i’d be all hey buddy are these organic? 3555
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 29/11/2024Me trying to get to the last discounted Air Fryermedia.tenor.coma man is laughing in a field with a group of people running in the background .ALT: a man is laughing in a field with a group of people running in the background . 020
Reposted by jonkybeccadagoo @silly.bsky.social · 29/11/2024assisted dying? i can do it perfectly well myself, thank you very much 0153
Reposted by jonkyceej @ceej.online · 23/09/2024every few months they should post an article that says like CHAPPELL ROAN: BETTER THAN RADIOHEAD? and if you get too mad at it someone comes over to euthanize you 462112280
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 23/09/2024me: alexa do a divorced fart alexa: ooh that was a sad one 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 23/09/2024I only take medical advice from doctors who can physically put me in a headlock. 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 23/09/2024the bus driver kept closing his eyes and letting go off the wheel. anytime we almost crashed he would grab the wheel and yell WOAH THERE NELLY 000
Reposted by jonkyandy vs. @im-all-id.me · 15/04/2024Can't tell if I'm becoming more poetic or if this is early onset dementia 511551
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 13/04/2024My funeral song will be a lo-fi beats cover of Creep by Radiohead 000
