jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024Doctor: one last push, Vin! Vin Diesel: F…F— Nurse: you can do it Vin! Vin Diesel: F….FAAAAMILLLLYYY [Emerging from Vin Diesel’s womb is none other than Paul Walker. The crowd goes wild.] 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024Crying in the fish & chips shop because they won’t deep-fry my dead hamster (it’s what she would have wanted) 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024I’m taking the dogs for a walk (running around a Tesco car park without any shoes on screaming for somebody to love me) 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 03/12/2024Swallowing marbles so the next time I get food poisoning I turn into a human machine gun 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Someone’s had some nasty-ass sex in the Popemobile I just know it. 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Love seeing a new generation of shit posters thrive on this platform 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Forcing my nan to play Boar on the Floor or I won’t give her her medications 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Bugs Bunny’s girlfriend in Space Jam fucked up an entire generation of men 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Me (about to watch The Bear): a bear trying to run a restaurant?! This is going to be good. Me (watching The Bear): he’s gonna show up any minute and fuck some shit up. Me (after watching The Bear): this is bullshit 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024Mad Men is bullshit. There were only a handful of scenes where I would describe the men as “mad” 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 02/12/2024$10000000 business idea: holy communion wine flavoured vape 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Lawyer: Mr. Kelly, these are very serious allegations we’re talking about. Mr. Kelly: Please, call me Machine Gun 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024I want to carve the turkey this year and if dad tries any off his bullshit I’ll swing the saw around while screaming about the time I saw him smoking cigarettes behind the shed after he told mum he had quit 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024FUN FACT: Jesus’s middle name was “Ron” after celebrated actor, producer and filmmaker Ron Howard. 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024I would have bullied Harry Potter. Used wedgie spells on the nerd. 010
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Giving Deliveroo drivers 1 star ratings if they refuse to hug me 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Me: My doctor: Me: I really think— Doctor: you’ve got tonsil stones. You don’t don’t need a rectal exam 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 01/12/2024Giving my vacuum cleaner a day off by rubbing my mouth across the carpet and inhaling 000
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 30/11/2024I’ve always struggled with self-confidence. But I can proudly say I genuinely believe I could beat up any 6 year old on the planet. 000
Reposted by jonkyill-boo-mi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 29/11/2024if life ever handed me lemons i’d be all hey buddy are these organic? 3555
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 29/11/2024Me trying to get to the last discounted Air Fryermedia.tenor.coma man is laughing in a field with a group of people running in the background .ALT: a man is laughing in a field with a group of people running in the background . 020
Reposted by jonkybeccadagoo @silly.bsky.social · 29/11/2024assisted dying? i can do it perfectly well myself, thank you very much 0153
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 23/09/2024make it thin as fuck too. I want to be terrified of breaking it 24/7. 010
Reposted by jonkyceej @ceej.online · 23/09/2024every few months they should post an article that says like CHAPPELL ROAN: BETTER THAN RADIOHEAD? and if you get too mad at it someone comes over to euthanize you 462112280
jonky @iamjonky.bsky.social · 23/09/2024me: alexa do a divorced fart alexa: ooh that was a sad one 010
