Reposted by Glitter Wisp
“I collected bones from charnel houses; and disturbed, with profane fingers, the tremendous secrets of the human frame. In a solitary chamber, or rather cell, at the top of the house, and separated from all the other apartments by a gallery and staircase, I kept my workshop of filthy creation." 🧪🫀⚗️
![[Scene is the Tudor royal court. ladies and gentlemen standing round. In the corner a very fat HENRY VIII is hunched over playing a lute.]
1
LADY:
Hey Anne Boleyn -
Who’s that lute player?
ANNE BOLEYN:
I dunno
[Determined face]
But I’m gonna find out.
[Title lettering panel]:
THIS SUMMER
[Scene is now two musicians - one with a harp, the other is Henry VIII again playing the lute]
HARPIST:
Yo Henry VIII -
Who wrote that sick lute riff yo’ jamming?
HENRY VIII:
Why...
[Looking around, modest, surprised at the attention]
I did…!
[Title lettering panel]:
SEE THE STORY
[Scene is now a tudor record producer with ruff and wearing dark sunglasses]:
PRODUCER:
Congratulations Henry
Your lute thing is a hit and your story is now one of uncomplicated musical success!
[Show a panel with lots of Beatlemania-style scenes of success for Henry the musician - swooning tudor girls, playing lute on stage, waving to fans as he descends from his golden carriage. In the middle of it in Tudor lettering are the words]:
“UNCOMPLICATED MUSICAL SUCCESS MONTAGE”.
[Another scene - a man is saying to Henry]:
MAN:
Say Henry VIII -
Are you doing anything outside this narrative that is very bad or weird?
HENRY VIII:
No.
[Title lettering panel]:
…OF A MUSICAL GENIUS
who definitely didn’t do anything outside this narrative that was very bad or weird
[Scene with Thomas Cromwell]
THOMAS CROMWELL:
Hang on Henry aren't you also a -
HENRY VIII [jumping in front of him with his lute held aloft]:
LUTE SOLO!
[Final film title panel]:
HENRY VIII:
Rock Biopic
[rated U]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreidmilghzmgnj35twr4xvnfm5eubpcdc4xmtd5nzexe2ybcubmeu7m)
![1
[Guardian headline title]
Inspiring Travel Ideas for 2026
Chosen By Our Readers Who Are Microplastics
2
Stuck for somewhere to go on holiday this year? Microplastic Guardian readers offer their travel tips
3
A Pristine highland river
This glorious unspoilt Scottish river feels a million miles from a sausage roll packet, but it’s actually just a short picnic away!
Paul and David, sausage roll packet bits
4
Breathtaking Mountaintop
True travellers know it’s not about the destination, but the journey. We simply left our plastic bag with no plan, hopping a serendipitously from gust to gust all the way to the Haute-Pyrénées
Sue and Tom, bits of plastic bag
5
Polar Bear’s balls
Since we left our Space Invaders packet in 1983, we've developed a taste for adventure. Most tourists are happy with package holidays in European genitals, but the Arctic Circle has some wonderful undiscovered testes.
Janet and Ian, crisp packet particles
6
Human foetus
Human placentas are such tourist traps, with every single one on Earth now occupied by microplastic holidaymakers. We've gone ‘off the beaten track’ and entered the a delightful foetus’s lungs.
The Wilsons, ground Ford Ka indicator wand.
7
Liz Truss
We’ve spent four glorious summers in the frontal cortex of former UK Government star, Elizabeth Truss. A truly vibrant spot to just sit back, relax, and watch the colourful thoughts roll by!
Diogo and Shawna, spork dust
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Your Child’s Eyeball
The wonder of travel is seeing the world with fresh eyes, and you can't get fresher than the eyes of your kid. Easily accessible via the bloodstream.
Dennis, polyurethane spray foam
9
The Mariana Trench
Ever since we were dropped into the sea in 2022, we’ve strayed ever further from the ’tourist trail’. Last year we found this blissfully peaceful Pacific trench.
Louise and Di- fragment of Rebekah Vardy’s agent’s phone case
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibzb5fjs32t3yp2prdq2guj7p333xmcwy5lajzxcplsieadlgbosm)
