iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 17h

Lascaux, France. Today: "This type art is spiritual in nature relating to visions during ritualistic trance-dancing...." 17,300 years ago: "Hey, everyone, I drew a cow!"

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 17h

When God closes a door, He opens a Windows 95 because He, like your grandmother, still has an HP Vectra VE desktop.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 17h

Confession: In the '90s I often threw my hands in the air despite my not being a true player.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Nothing is dumber than a great idea you have in the middle of the night.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I'd be more fired up for the many Oktoberfests if Germany produced a decent Purple Drank.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Save some of the crazy for us, people who pronounce "striped" with 2 syllables.

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Dak @dak.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Me: Here is fresh, filtered water and indirect sunlight. Plant: I have chosen death. Weed in the driveway sidewalk crack: I feed on gasoline and spite.

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

[Facebook messaging the one kid who signed my yearbook] Just wanted to let you know that I did have a great summer

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I'm always surprised when a mother of 3-or-more boys is not a raging alcoholic.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Yes, obviously it's a tuxedo t-shirt. We're at a wedding, Sharon.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Showing my daughters Child's Play when they were young saved me a ton of money buying them dolls.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

The U.S. obesity epidemic could be solved with a good old-fashioned dysentery epidemic.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Feels like a good day to see a couple of lazy dogs.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Getting older is all about realizing how much more is out there that can kill you.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

The true Walk of Shame is when you have to walk back into Subway with wet pants after spilling your drink on yourself in the parking lot.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

For my money, the best song about a headless Thompson gunner is still "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner."

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Sorry for the way I’m dressed I have karate class after the funeral

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Raysident Evil @sireviscerate.myatproto.social · 25/09/2026

I got word to activate the sleeper agent with a code phrase, but I forgot what it was. I've been at this Aldi for 5 hours, saying stuff like "infinite street tacos" and "cyborg unity promise" at the kid trying to shelve canned peas.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

Jonny Quest gave me the unrealistic hope that some day I'd run into someone walking a giant komodo dragon on a leash.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

On the plus side, if you're an animal hoarder, no one wants to steal anything from your house.

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

I hate when you meet someone and everything is going great and then they ask you to answer their riddles three

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Breaching is just whales giving tourists the finger.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Pro tip: Choose the richest people you know to be your kid's "emergency contact," then let them pay the medical bills.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

"There's nothing in this dishwasher full of clean dishes that can't wait until someone else unloads them." - everyone in my house

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Is there anything shadier than financial services advertised on sports talk radio?

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

I should teach my daughter how to drive a stick shift, but then she would be able to drive my car. You can see my dilemma.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Fun fact: In America in the 1800's, every woman was married to a Methodist minister and bore 8 children.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Finally, flock cameras doing some good.

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Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

damn shawty you're sorta doing that without the express written consent of major league baseball

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

NFL coaches need to watch pregame shows, so they'll know their O needs to establish a run game and their D needs to stop the run game.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

In the 1890s, Frederic Remington's lunch would often rot while he painted a picture of it to show his followers.

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🎃HalloDeeny🎃 they/them @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

They turned my account into a spirit Halloween

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

My daughter told me, "You're so old that when your class did International Day [a 6th grade celebration of various countries], you all did Pangaea."

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Hey, kids from the 1950s-1990s, do you have a fever? Put this glass tube filled with highly toxic mercury in your mouth to find out.

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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

It’s a thousand degrees outside so let’s bake a lasagna.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

I judge a team's entire football season based on its 1st game's opening drive. Then I call a sports talk radio show.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

I can't die this year because HR tells me I've used up all my Personal Days.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Carol wrote in my Senior yearbook that I should "raise hell," but she didn't specify how much or how long. I'm afraid I'm letting her down.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Pro revenge tip: Paint a Jesus-shaped stain on your hated neighbor's driveway, then alert local churches.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

One of my former students plays in the NFL and, according to the Internet, has over $122m in career earnings, but he still hasn't returned that pencil I lent him in class.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 02/09/2026

All car repair places should be named "A Technician Phoned in Sick So We're Short-handed Today."

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

I tried to put Coke Zero in the bottom half of my cup and regular Coke in the upper half, but the drink machine said, "Error: Undefined."

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Oh, good, the "check engine" light is back on. For a while, I thought maybe the bulb had burned out.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

I believe anything said in TV campaign ads. - idiots

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

It's a sad day when Bugles no longer fit on your fingers.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 28/08/2026

You can have my electric typewriter when you pry it from my cold, dead desk. Seriously, it weighs a ton and is stuck on there.

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Ed Fox, Secret Chimp @foxult.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

Microcheated on my dog by looking at videos of other dogs.

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