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Dave Holmes

@daveholmes.bsky.social
24K followers 538 following 1.3K posts

Editor-at-Large, Esquire. Here’s a funky introduction of how nice I am.

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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 20h
Looks like someone picked the wrong day to be an absolute spatula.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 21h
read and share, in the state of your choosin’ cocksure.substack.com/p/what-we-ta...
cocksure.substack.com
What We Talk About When We Talk About “I Have Never Heard ‘Choosin’ Texas’” Even Though It’s Been The Number One Song For Five Hundred Years
Everyone has a hot little theory about what it all means. Mine is the correct one.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Day Two of Hundred Days and we’re doing it Frou Frou style. Subscribe! Join! Tell a frond! cocksure.substack.com/p/hundred-da...
cocksure.substack.com
Hundred Days, Day Two: Breathe In
One of the most effective tools for nervous system regulation is free AND YOU’RE ALREADY DOING IT.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
As of today 9/22, there are 100 days left in 2026. What do you say we crush them? cocksure.substack.com/p/hundred-da...
cocksure.substack.com
Hundred Days: And We’re OFF
Let’s get revenge on this crummy-ass year by ending it really, really well.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
It is a real indictment of our times that the name “Braden Peters” needed to be douched up.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
As of tomorrow, there are 100 days left in 2026. Gonna put together a little 100-day health/wellness/sanity sprint to the finish on my IG and Substack. Stay tuned for details. I feel like 2027 is going to need good people at max potency.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
A few unorganized thoughts on a great artist for a very sad Friday morning. substack.com/@cocksure/no...
substack.com
Duncan Sheik and The End of Outside
I am absolutely one hundred percent all fucking set on “life is fragile” messages from the universe, are you with me?
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Stitch it on a pillow, screen-print it on a t-shirt, spray paint it on the front of your own house. THIS is the message.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
You’re a chemtrails.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
So you could say the incident affected his judgment?
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
But maybe it’s a pig or goat who is a sexy secret agent, did you ever think of that
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Reposted by Dave Holmes
Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 14/09/2026
JD Vance is glitching out
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Studs
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
oh word did they really
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
America, you got Grunch’d.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
www.instagram.com/reel/DdPVhel...
instagram.com
Dave Holmes on Instagram: "Studio City Farmers Market Report 9/13/26. Look, you think I don’t want to bring MY dog?"
69 likes, 4 comments - daveholmes on September 13, 2026: "Studio City Farmers Market Report 9/13/26. Look, you think I don’t want to bring MY dog?".
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I was already never forgetting, but thanks substack.com/@cocksure/no...
substack.com
Never Enough
My 9/11 personal essay, as required by federal law.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Los Angeles people of a certain age: this week has been gross, let’s dance ourselves clean and be home at a decent hour. Join me and Kid Finesse tomorrow EVENING. www.eventbrite.com/e/the-early-...
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
A) are we in hell B) why isn’t hell more fun
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
When I say “I have some quick thoughts on the dumb thing from today,” is the dumb thing from today you‘re thinking of the same dumb thing from today I’m thinking of, or a different dumb thing from today? Click and find out! And subscribe if you wanna! substack.com/@cocksure/no...
substack.com
Dave Holmes (@cocksure)
Song du Jour for September 8, 2026 is “Tell The Truth” by Jude Cole. So you know who is running his fool-ass mouth again, talking about how he was Down There The Day It Happened (no he wasn’t) and how...
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Reposted by Dave Holmes
Jesse Hawken @jessehawken.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
The listeria-contaminated cream cheese is the photo on the right
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Been having some adventures at 45rpm lately. substack.com/@cocksure/no...
substack.com
Dave Holmes (@cocksure)
Song du Jour for Monday, September 7, 2026 is “Toy Boy” by Sinitta. I’ve been looking through LA’s used records stores for good 45s, because the next time I DJ at Goldline I want to have a bunch at th...
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Studio City Farmers Market Report 9/6/26 www.instagram.com/reel/Dc9HpbX...
instagram.com
Dave Holmes on Instagram: "An inspiring Studio City Farmers Market Report this morning, as a traumatized community begins to heal. Featuring @nickviall @iamscottwolf and the pretzel guy whose name I d...
722 likes, 60 comments - daveholmes on September 6, 2026: "An inspiring Studio City Farmers Market Report this morning, as a traumatized community begins to heal. Featuring @nickviall @iamscottwolf an...
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
She knows she’s the first problematic political figure nobody will ever write a musical about and it’s KILLING HER
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
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pixelframe.design @pixelframe.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
This is a big one and took a while! The Avengers: Doomsday Font & Logo Generator is live now - definitely don't tag Marvel with what you make.
pixelframe.design
Avengers Doomsday Logo Font Generator
Create custom Avengers: Doomsday logo graphics with chrome lettering, dual green outlines, and metal divider lines — enter your own text and download the finished image.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
My old MTV colleague Julie Reading has an excellent podcast called The Ambition Code, it’s about life and learning how to roll with its punches and figuring out how to remain creative through all of it, and I was honored to be a guest this week. Give it a go! open.spotify.com/episode/4Ndp...
open.spotify.com
Dave Holmes + A Life Written Outside the Lines
The Ambition Code · Episode
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Yesterday’s and today’s wordles put together suggest something troubling, definitely approaching tomorrow with trepidation.
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Jesse Hawken @jessehawken.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Prefab Sprout fitting right in with Against All Odds and Depeche Mode lol, it might be happening, Sproutmaxxing era
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Jill Lightner @jilllightner.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Street art in her honor from SE Seattle
A glittery tinsel-fringed illustrated portrait of Dolly Parton on a telephone pole. There's a cartoon voice bubble with a quote from her that says "find out who you are and do it on purpose."
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Some thoughts on a life beautifully lived www.esquire.com/entertainmen...
esquire.com
Dolly Parton Was Family
The American legend, who has died at 80, operated in pure joy, empathy, and sincerity. She became as successful as a human being can be by never holding any of it back.
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Reposted by Dave Holmes
[toyota carroll] (6,5,,) @iamtherog.com · 25/08/2026
It straight up pisses me off that Dolly Parton was doing this stuff for the past 30 years while the biggest assholes in the world became billionaires whose only charitable contributions are to their own tax-exempt organizations (that they receive tax benefits for donating to & "volunteering with".)
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
We take to the streets, right?
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Well this is terrible news but what a blessing to have had her for so long.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
“Real piece of shit you got here, be a shame if something happened to it.”
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 23/08/2026
Farmers Market Report www.instagram.com/reel/DcZDmGz...
instagram.com
Dave Holmes on Instagram
216 likes, 18 comments - daveholmes on August 23, 2026
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Not since 2 Girls 1 Cup have I felt this level of I ain’t watching that
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The Onion @theonion.com · 21/08/2026
White House Doctor Claims President Has Always Been Face Drawn Onto Cantaloupe theonion.com/white-house-doctor-cla…
White House Doctor Claims President Has Always Been Face Drawn Onto Cantaloupe
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Love how we now have to be careful about blueberries, specific kinds of lettuce, and “the general concept of bread.”
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
Unpopular opinion: the learning curve for a United States Senator should be long and slow and a person should not be “thrown in there” just because they’re the sister of a guy who died. (Also “Darline” is not a name, it sucks.)
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
DJ’d at the Goldline last night, and @jessehawken.bsky.social knows I had to do it to ‘em.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Get into it. cocksure.substack.com/p/top-10-vid...
cocksure.substack.com
Top 10 Videos To Zazz Up Your Music Video Night
Music Video YouTube Nights are officially A Thing. Here are a few curveballs that will turn your next one into a graduate-level seminar in sex, culture, and sweatpants sex culture.
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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Reporter: You haven’t heard her name until now. She’s only seventeen years old. But White House intern Crespa Blumbo has been in charge of all nuclear missiles for the last two years and she just ordered the military to enact Project Acheron
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
It’s 818 Day, a day to celebrate in the San Fernando Valley, to reflect on our lives here and how much fun it is to run into someone you think you know and then be like “no, that guy is in the Skyrizi commercial.” cocksure.substack.com/p/valley-ris...
cocksure.substack.com
Valley Rise Up: It’s 818 Day!
Today we celebrate my adopted home sprawl of unincorporated areas.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
The duality of man
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Explosive new intel on Ken Paxton.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Phishing texts are getting better at mimicking human communication patterns, and I like it!
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
In the late 1990s, you could not tell the Chelsea clones from the straight guidos of New Jersey because their eyebrow maintenance game was exactly the same. This man is one Caesar haircut away from that golden age.
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
AIR FORCE 1 ESCAPE FOOTAGE OBTAINED, PLEASE SHARE
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Dave Holmes @daveholmes.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
One of many ways our president is similar to Ricky Stratton in the Menudo episode of Silver Spoons.
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