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Bryan Blessed

@bryb.bsky.social
5.8K followers 592 following 15K posts

Lapsed Glaswegian / born again Berliner. "our go-to drill rap expert" ⭐⭐ Daily Mail "the Flintstones is, canonically, set after the Jetsons" ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Wall Street Journal "Windows Vista® compatible" ⭐⭐⭐ Pravda mixcloud.com/BryanBlessed

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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 5h
Huge cunt, "Danny" "Tommo" drying in court, as drawn by Elizabeth Cook. He's saying the tweet underneath.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 6h
NGL, that's a pretty majestic sight to behold. Tough wank, but majestic.
A centaur on mars.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 9h
Imagine hiring three fucktransits for a dogging mega fest, finding a nice spot in the woods and then special forces turn up, shooters drawn and refuse to join in tho.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 10h
"Hey Google, make me a song that's exactly like Thomas Edison recited 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' onto a wax cylinder. Like, EXACTLY. It's all I like."
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 20h
I'm not one for hyperbole, but I think Manchester City should be boiled down to make glue.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 21h
Gang. Have I ever mentioned that I'm Scottish? #SCOSUI
Barry from EastEnders is Scotland. So is Janine from EastEnders as she pushes Barry off a hill in Scotland. And so is Barry from EastEnders as he falls to his death down a hill in Scotland.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 22h
Is his next big idea smuggling peanuts into space?
Apartheid Clyde has very proud nipples apparently.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 22h
Top drawer Scotlanding from Scotland. #SCOSUI
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Beau @drbeaubeaumont.bsky.social · 22h
BOLD.
BBC News update:

Manchester City have just posted on X.

"Vote for your September Goal of the Month"
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Can we pet them though?
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
They should name it in honour of the lad who booted that flame-engulfed terrorist. The slogan could be his famous catchphrase, "This is Glasgow; we'll set aboot ye!"
news.stv.tv
Glasgow Airport operator rules out name change following council proposals
The topic was brought up by councillors at a full meeting of Renfrewshire Council.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Shout out to this bird in particular.
A picture of a pink chicken stuck to a heavily (typically) graffitied Berlin wall. The chicken is all like, whaaaaaa?
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I love this for him.x
bbc.com
Daniel Thomas refused bail over alleged boat damage in Channel
Daniel Thomas is remanded in custody after appearing at Portsmouth Crown Court.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
I've had Mulligan and O'Hare stuck in my head all day because of this.
Legendary folk duo, Mulligan and O'Hare with Gerard Depardieu separating them.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
This picture of TV preeminent British gameshow host, Bradley Walsh and his charisma bereft son Barney is lovely, innit.
Best rapper ever, Vanilla Ice with problematic old man abuser, Benny Hill. They're both dressed all trendy.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Bed time.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Why is 'Jamie's 20-Minute Meals' on for an hour?
The four naan, Jeremy meme but it's about Jamie Oliver having three dinners.
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Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 28/09/2026
It really gives the game away when the anti trans orgs are calling the election of the neo nazi party in Germany a "glimmer of hope."
​A screenshot of an online article headline from "Inspecting Gender" by Genspect. The main heading reads: "Germany: A Glimmer of Hope for Sex Realists?" Below the title, the summary text asks: "Is the victory of the AfD in Germany a dark day for democracy or a glimmer of hope for sex realists? By David Allison." The bottom metadata displays the Genspect logo, "5 hours ago," and a "Listen" audio option button. In the top right corner, there is a teal "Subscribe" button alongside a circular profile avatar.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The theatrical release of 'Mosquito' cinema poster. It's an 18 and it's got Nicholas Hoult and Daisy Edgar-Jones in it and an electric tennis racquet too.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Monday.
Lads push-starting a truck. One of the. Has decided being onboard the truck as he pushes is the way to do it.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Name your fav dance scene.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Peacemaker really has no business being as good as it is.
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Lane Moore @hellolanemoore.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
"Everyone thought my pervert glasses were rapey, so I made an equally perverted ~animal necklace~ that secretly films women, so people can still be rapey, but even more covertly! I could do anything with my life and I do THIS!"
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Bomb disposal robot assigned!
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
All the AI nutters sitting at home in tears because the bomb disposal robot on the UK news has feelings. It probably needs a Walkman or a KitchenAid mixer or something to give it a wee cuddle.
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Hugh Brechin @hughrbrechin.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Tim Shipman Lucky the Bar for "Worst Shipman" Is Very High
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I don't claim to be perfect, but my Bloody Mary game is tight AF.
A couple of Bloody Marys, Glass rimmed (lol) with Tajín lime, and the drink garnished with Crazy Bastard habanero salt, and Tajín lemon.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I was assured summer was over, but it's currently 24°C, sunny, and I've got jorts on. I'm not letting nature impact my soup schedule though!
A Crockpot full of chicken soup
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
"...and in just a moment, I'll be heading over to the West Holts stage to catch the end of the Balaclava Boys on Electric Bikes set. Cracking stuff, eh Jo?"
Jo Whiley and Mark Radcliffe at Glastonbury to see mad bands that aren't any good to me because I'm old.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
You'd think the UK Labour Party would at least be able to find the right side to sit on when it comes to racists attacking lifeboat crews and sectarians seeking to literally march on a church, but no.
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Rose Schmits @roseschmits.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
We can read the equivocations mate here i circled em for you
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
REMINDER: There's just over a month left for every couple in the world to put the finishing touches to their corresponding Nathan Fielder and Elizabeth Holmes Halloween costumes.
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Holly Brockwell @hollyqueenofspayeds.com · 26/09/2026
We're trying to find a home for, and I quote, "the Pissfingers of cats." Any takers? ❤️
Three screenshots of our facebook post about Jaffa Cake the unlucky mogJaffa in his cone of shame
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Is my calculator a misogynist? It at least acts as though it is when I turn it upside down.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Narrator: [the narrator is dead along with everyone else so can't point out this we did not, in fact, win that]
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John Angus Spencer-Barnes 🏳️‍🌈 @johnbarnes.org · 26/09/2026
It was wonderful to lead the Preston Pride parade today as the Town Crier and Bellman of the city and to make the opening proclamation. Love is love my friends.
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Berks of Delights @dandyandafop.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
“Tell me more of your ‘TK Maxx’…”
Chinese bent leader with US bent leader. The Chinese anti-democracy guy is pointing to gold tat on the walls of the White House. The US anti democracy guy is telling him about ‘Shark Week’.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
The best way to unite the disparate German states is to encourage their peoples to collectively focus on and revel in what they have in common; which is that they all really fucking hate we Berliners and imagine Berlin to be some manner of strange alien sexydrugtechno world - which it is TBF.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I'm watching a thing about contemporary British art, and middle-aged white men curating (gatekeeping) culture is something young people should be setting about with the business side of claw hammers.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Remember, love seeds are no more viable a cash crop than rock and roll is the foundation for a new-build city.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
At the drag show, gang. Doing Berlin stuff. #loveislove
A drag King and Queen as a catdog kinda thing.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Me and my fine lady wife (a comely lass of virtue true) are going to a big mad drag show tonight because Berlin, so of course we are. I'm not going in drag. That wouldn't be fair on the professional Kings and Queens, what with the inevitable upstaging I'd be doing with my STRONG drag persona.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Holy shite, this picture of Zelensky arriving to speak at the UN goes *HARD*. That dark sorceress of infinite mystical powers he's brought with him too?! Wow.
Zelensky emerging from the darkness against a blue background from behind a yellow background. Someone in a suit (also in shadows) is standing around the corner and with the president is a dark sorceress of infinite power.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Psyduck is my spirit Pokémon.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
A spokesman for Beckham stressed that this would not in any way dissuade him from continuing doing adverts for literally any old shite whatsoever.
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
People these days forget that Michael Jackson served his country bravely by getting blown the fuck up repeatedly in the desert for science.
Nuclear test dummies standing at a squinty angle because they've been blown the fuck up a bit and Michael Jackson is there too because he famously stood at a squinty angle, didn't he.
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Angus Dunican @angusdunican.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
I would be much more likely to visit the Lucas museum if there was a secret room, decked out to look like a slightly messy apartment, that was just a gallery full of pictures of Carrie Fisher having a nice time.
Carrie fisher and Meryl Streep  in 1991 at a party. They booth have blonde bobs and Carrie is urgently feeding Meryl chocolate cakeCarrie Fisher with short dark/res hair and. Black dress at a party in 1990 she is holding a cigarette and is doing a silly duck face with her hands to her ears. Tom hanks stands behind her Carrie fisher and Harrison ford at a party in someone’s apartment - I’m guessing around 2003?

She holds him close with her face in his chest and they both stare with faux, scandalous intensity into the camera Carrie fisher (black dress) and Margot Kidder (white blouse -
Holding a drink) at a party around 1980 if I had to guess they’re both smiling like crazy - it looks like Margot just told a funny story
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
At this stage, I'd basically settle for her checking Mamdani's Instagram page every day and just doing whatever he's doing, but here.
theguardian.com
Elif Eralp: ‘Germany’s Zohran Mamdani’ who vows to be a mayor for all Berliners
Die Linke candidate, a lawyer affected by her experiences as the child of political migrants from Turkey, poised to head Berlin coalition government
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Jane Hill @janehill.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Oh btw. I'm doing a show called Spunk In My Eyes at the inaugural Plymouth Comedy Festival in February. It’s about dealing with ovarian cancer as an exhausted woman in my sixties with an intense hatred of positive mindsets and spiritual woo-woo. www.plymouthcomedyfestival.com/events/jane-...
plymouthcomedyfestival.com
Jane Hill: Spunk In My Eyes | Plymouth Comedy Festival, Plymouth Comedy Festival, University of Plymouth
Jane Hill brings Spunk In My Eyes to the SU Lounge at Plymouth University Students’ Union. Jane’s candid, blackly comic show tackles cancer, courage and the exhausting pressure to stay positive with h...
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Bryan Blessed @bryb.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Patiently waiting to be set up for the punchline has always been the *chef's kiss*.
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