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Brandon

@brandonchristensen.bsky.social
429 followers 615 following 406 posts

Amateur cryptozoologist, Distiller / Spirits enthusiast, TTRPG player, Twin dad

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Reposted by Brandon
JP @jpbrammer.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
the phrase "lipstick on a pig" has always inspired a deep sadness in me. I think of the pig, looking forward to her big night out, and I bring myself to the verge of tears.
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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Lionel hutz business card, marked up to reveal it means Works on contingency? No, money down! Edited to read

Blue?

No, matter who!
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Still almost 4 hours left for an Easter miracle
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
The Archduke of Austria-Hungary accidentally turns down the wrong street——- Gas prices went up 30%
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
Auntie Anne’s should be BYOB
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
I’m giving up Grateful Dead for lent. What should I listen to on Fridays?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
Good breweries closing while Lord Hobo is still open seems unfair.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
Spoiler for The Northman (2022) I finally saw it last night. Sometimes I would take the fight to the death in a volcano over watching my twins too.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Stay safe during the storm. We don’t need anymore Scorpios.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Why is it always Big Mike’s BBQ and never Big Michelle’s BBQ?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
Has anyone found out if any members of Migos are Lovecraft fans?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 16/01/2026
Does anyone remember those shoes with the little compartment for jerky?
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Toussaint Egan @thesaintoftous.bsky.social · 09/01/2026
I saw this video of a Vietnam vet in the fur coat yelling at ICE and thought to myself, "this is missing something," before I realized, "Ah, of course, the Ether instrumental. It's so obvious."
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 10/12/2025
Everybody wants to be a graphic designer now huh?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 06/12/2025
I’ve seen the 9-9-9 challenge but has anyone done the 10-10-10 challenge while bowling?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 06/12/2025
Went to make some hot cocoa and the packets expired before I moved here. Why did I pack expired cocoa?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 05/12/2025
Whenever a song samples Genius of Love by Tom Tom Club I wish I was listening to Genius of Love by Tom Tom Club instead.
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Aaron Stewart-Ahn @badideas.bsky.social · 16/10/2025
Hell yeah she used Bene Gesserit voice on him
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Bugs, Yaoist @bugsmaytrix.bsky.social · 24/07/2025
hell? yea, brother
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 19/07/2025
Call us Cedric and Omar because we are at the drive in.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 18/07/2025
Why is steak the only meat that gets its own house? Why not a pork house or chicken house?
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Gef the Toking Mongoose @geftokingmongoose.bsky.social · 18/07/2025
the kiss cam at the Coldplay concert lands on me and I'm just absolutely housing a giant Italian sub sandwich
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
Thinking about becoming a weeb but for the Czech Republic.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 22/06/2025
I saw Monstro Elisasue at the beach yesterday. Stars are just like us.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 22/06/2025
Is twink short for twinkle toes?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
My six year old got his girlfriend’s phone number on the last day of school. Beat me by like a decade.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 19/06/2025
Finally did my taxes
media.tenor.com
a pink cartoon character is sitting on the ground with its mouth open and making a funny face .
ALT: a pink cartoon character is sitting on the ground with its mouth open and making a funny face .
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
You’re telling me a pork fried this rice?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
Kinda weird that there is a good Wonder Woman with all correct opinions and then a Bizarro one.
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Reposted by Brandon
Naraka Final Ghoul @eris.anarchogoth.rip · 11/06/2025
lana del rey lyric leak
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
Buying a goldfish at the pet store: paper or plastic?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
Thinking about this picture lately for some reason
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
Showing up to dive bars in a full Scuba suit and acting confused.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 07/06/2025
I need someone to pay for me to study sword smithing under Antonio Arellano Pulgar, the last master swordsmith in Spain.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 04/06/2025
Asked my boss if we could have recess outside today.
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Reposted by Brandon
eli yudin @eliyudin.com · 02/06/2025
Me walking out of the bus on MTV’s Next
Email subject says “I’m a pediatrician. I’m scared. And I’m running for Senate”
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
Fuck it, lunch at 8:45 Am
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 30/05/2025
The existence of Harambe also implies a Halalbe.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
Imagine you show up at the jousting tournament and check who you are going up against and his name is Lance A Lot. That’s like a boxer being named Punch A Bunch.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 24/05/2025
Make sure you know what kind of dad you have.
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Reposted by Brandon
James @james.tarnation.lol · 22/05/2025
hugh laurie is british for “big truck”
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Oregon 🕎🎲 @oregonthedm.bsky.social · 21/05/2025
I got a vasectomy because I didn’t want to have kids Didn’t work though, they were still there when I got home from the procedure
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 21/05/2025
Same thing happened to me when I went to the liquor store.
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 19/05/2025
What length inseam should I do on these cut off jorts I’m making?
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Jonathan Slater @jonathanslater.bsky.social · 18/05/2025
Sometimes get your dog a puppy it ends up being the best thing you could do
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 15/05/2025
Can we do no more May?
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 14/05/2025
The ice cream truck should have beef jerky or something for dads
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Reposted by Brandon
alexis simpson is confused by display name changes @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 13/05/2025
eric clapton??? more like, eric crap-ton (of problematic behavior)
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Brandon @brandonchristensen.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
Wait do they actually elect @driftglass.bsky.social as the new Pope?
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