Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I had a dream Mario was real and he put out a statement that was like "I support-a Israel's right to defend-a itself" and then I tried to kill him with a spear but he kept jumping around 243
Reposted by AbsoluteHootqualia @qualia.floofy.tech.ap.brid.gy · 16/09/2026fucked up that computers don't look like this anymore. tell me you wouldn't live here if you were a one or a zero 108541
Reposted by AbsoluteHootwrən @dirtsecret.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I'm a cute werewolf and I have my pack on and I'm good at hunting for mushrooms 5158061374
Reposted by AbsoluteHootCarllecat @carllecat.bsky.social · 06/09/2026THE ZEIT ZEIGER (2026-09-06) 19631119
Reposted by AbsoluteHootHearthFox ΘΔ @hearthfox.bsky.social · 21/08/2026“One day the sadness will end” 321230315
Reposted by AbsoluteHootFreezer @freezer.bsky.social · 30/08/2026Need more shitty flyers and menus to use this instead of AI. 1953782
Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 30/08/2026My boss keeps telling me we need to make the "Citizen Kane of cryptocurrency" and when I ask what he means by that he just picks up a pen from the cup of them on his desk and whips it at my head full speed. They're expensive ballpoint pens too so that shit hurts. Shit's made out of metal. FML. 032
Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 21/08/2026transition win: the voice in your head that constantly berates your every action and thought called you a dyke instead of a faggot 031
Reposted by AbsoluteHootmattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 17/08/2026rip | patreon.com/lubchansky 171543243
Reposted by AbsoluteHootVillein 🔒 @villein.bsky.social · 17/08/2026just remembered that i had a dream that i went to the gas station and they had a new type of mountain dew called "roman sapphire" 536058
Reposted by AbsoluteHootDreamboat Branny 🦢 @bransonreese.bsky.social · 16/08/2026Were I a king sitting down to feast and one of my most embittered servants made eye contact with me and proposed a toast "to your health" I would happily take a sip of wine from my goblet which only moments earlier sat far outside of my narrow field of vision 241636227
Reposted by AbsoluteHootMrs. Detective Pikajew, Esq. @clapifyoulikeme.favrd.social · 16/08/2026Apparently Lilly Wachowski does s tier alt text 4555191326
Reposted by AbsoluteHootBenji @repoghost.bsky.social · 22/07/2026🔥🪱🔥 for @veryjerrybean.bsky.social ! 19838173
Reposted by AbsoluteHootpunkitt ‼️🧣 @punkitt.bsky.social · 18/07/2026its so funny when frutiger aero 20-somethings will use the phrase "the future we were promised". brother they promised you gogurt commercials 411372282
Reposted by AbsoluteHootEngie @pixelatedengie.bsky.social · 24/03/2026the further i get in twin peaks the more moved i am by it. add dale cooper to undertale/deltarune 1347
Reposted by AbsoluteHootcorru.works @corru.works · 13/07/2026hello everyone! today marks the 4th anniversary of CORRU OBSERVER!!! I'm afraid my current update isn't ready juust yet, but... many apparel items in the store are nicely discounted! check it out! corru.storecorru.storecorru.storeThe official corru.observer merch store. 313141
Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 12/07/2026when I saw the original image here I had to make this edit 1733200
Reposted by AbsoluteHootex-Lethality Jane @lethalityjane.bsky.social · 12/07/2026You could get mad about dead senator discourse *or* you could enjoy this video of sea lions who have retaken an island with a decommissioned lighthouse off the coast of Oregon and now use the staircase as a giant slide. 8865941918
Reposted by AbsoluteHootpunkitt ‼️🧣 @punkitt.bsky.social · 07/07/2026i like these two #deltarune 2466321466
Reposted by AbsoluteHootoutsidewolves 🔜 FC @outsidewolves.bsky.social · 24/06/2026Happy #makeaterriblecomicday ! 302480728
Reposted by AbsoluteHootwrən @dirtsecret.bsky.social · 24/06/2026i do this cuz i like you #makeaterriblecomicday2026 5162131513
Reposted by AbsoluteHooterykah badon't @yuzupool.bsky.social · 21/06/2026can't stop thinking about this post. it's the most perfectly annoying amount of money to spend bc it so easily stacks to kick your fucking ass 1366272273
Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 08/06/2026Trans people naming themselves Laika is out. Someone find out the name of one of the dogs that Soviet scientists did head transplants on and name themself after that. 033
Reposted by AbsoluteHootwrən @dirtsecret.bsky.social · 23/10/2024reading this and whimpering and shaking and mumbling "i knowww i knowwwwwww im tryingggg" 9472146
Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 17/05/2026They say that when a man saw the goddess Artemis naked, she punished him by turning him into a woman. That's because she was actually trans. They say another man saw her naked, and she turned him into a doe to be devoured by her hunting dogs. These are also the repressed desires of a trans woman. 011
Reposted by AbsoluteHootDiscontinued Foods! @discontinuedfoods.bsky.social · 11/05/2026Burger King Big Plain (1973-1975): A plain, unadorned burger patty on a sesame bun, with no toppings or condiments, rolled out with a massive advertising blitz. It fizzled out almost as soon as it arrived 701029220
Reposted by AbsoluteHootmel, binface’s knight 🏳️⚧️🔰♨️ @astruckpersonn.bsky.social · 09/05/2026evangelicals have finally created. the golden calf. from the classic bible story “don’t create a golden calf” 1870672344
Reposted by AbsoluteHootdonoteat @donoteat.bsky.social · 09/05/2026it is not enough to defeat generative AI--we must build a better world afterwards. folks, after the revolution, how do we plan to rehabilitate our beloved em dash? 2136343
Reposted by AbsoluteHootCristian Farias @cristianfarias.com · 06/05/2026“Not for rinsing or washing,” they said. (Seen at Union Station.) 7953721346
Reposted by AbsoluteHootwrən @dirtsecret.bsky.social · 05/05/2026Had a nice dream I was barefoot in the woods finding huge flushes of morels 161911343
Reposted by AbsoluteHootJames Stout @jamesstout.bsky.social · 26/04/2026My only contribution to the discourse today is to say that I meet my sources in the jungle, the desert, and in the mountains they fought to liberate. I do not meet them in hotels in DC. This has, thus far, helped me avoid the fairly obvious class solidarity that is the backbone of access journalism. 51090130
Reposted by AbsoluteHoot🌑🌒🌓𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖚𝖒𝖓🌗🌘🌑 @coyautumn.bsky.social · 25/04/2026Today's esoteric gender is "weirdly high budget safety PSA from the 80s that shows workplace accidents with the same special effects that would be used in a Hollywood slasher film" 011
Reposted by AbsoluteHootArieFox @ariefox.bsky.social · 23/04/2026That meow meow pilot :3 (I kinda overdid the background haha) #furry #furryartist 3647831817
![FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
JON BUYS NEW CAN OPENER
“It was time,” says Bluesky personality
NEW YORK – Jon Bois (@jonbois.bsky.social) announced Saturday afternoon that he had purchased a new can opener. The utensil it is replacing has been in Jon’s possession for “well over a decade,” but after many years of satisfactory performance, wear and tear had at last begun to take its toll.
“I’m not positive of exactly when or where I got it,” says Jon, “but I know I took it with me when I moved [from Louisville to New York in 2014]. I’m pretty sure I had it for a solid couple of years before that at least. If I had to pick a year, I’d say 2011. I most likely would have bought it at the Kroger on Goss in Louisville, since I lived nearby at the time.
“Who really knows, though. I don’t keep very good records on that stuff.”
The new can opener, purchased at a nearby grocery store for $3.99, figures to see light to moderate use – perhaps two to three times per week – in Jon’s household, and it’s expected to last roughly as long as the old can opener. “We need to open cans of stuff on a regular basis,” he explains. “Tomatoes, beans, coconut milk, tuna, you name it. All I really expect is that it stays in decent shape without wearing out or breaking or something. There’s nothing worse than when you’re in the middle of making dinner, you don’t have any way to open a can of something, and you realized you’re [totally] out of luck.”
The acquisition had been in the works for several weeks, Jon says. “The teeth in the gear in the old one were starting to rust, and we’d been noticing that the wheel hadn’t been cutting as well lately. It seemed like it just wasn’t getting a good grip on the lid of the can the way it used to. I didn’t want to wait for it to break entirely before getting a new one. It was totally a good can opener as far as those things go. It just wore out, that’s all.”
Media Contact: Jon Bois (operator, @jonbois.bsky.social Bluesky account)
###](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ovioxia6nlp5luphgf5ovg7p/bafkreiecxm42wvb5kha622kfw6yh533hgu53hlfwoxbxklvt77xxmkpe2i)
![ATTACHED MEDIA
[photo of two can openers sitting on a table]
LEFT: Jon’s old can opener. RIGHT: Jon’s new can opener, still in the package.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:ovioxia6nlp5luphgf5ovg7p/bafkreiea2mbqkcayh4qwfegql77a77cnnccz5dvuaqdcjvsu2nmhr6qrn4)
