The Onion @theonion.com · 31/08/2026Nation’s Quiet, Gangly Kids In Cargo Pants Announce Plans To Be Freakishly Good At Cross Country theonion.com/nations-quiet-gangly-k…4:00 PM · Aug 31, 2026 513833284
Jonathan Pierce @jonathanpierce.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI am being attacked 0570
It’s Julie. Dr. Tilsen, if you’re nasty (or use AI) @queeringtherapist.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI know those kids 0100
Zael.exe @avrazael.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI was a quiet gangly kid who wasn't good at anything 0140
eddiekan.bsky.social @eddiekan.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comWait, these aren’t the wizards of waverly place, or the suite kids from home improvement? 010
calipaddler.bsky.social @calipaddler.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comOk, that’s funny 😆 000
Spock Here @entspockhere.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comFor something written in 2026, 1996 me feels attacked. Timeless. 2540
Ｄａｖｅｃａｔ, Lord Mayor, Borough of Uncanny Valley @davecat.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI knew one of those back in gradeschool! Well, knew of one. 000
Everonn @fresh12.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comoh, is that what i was supposed to be doing in high school? 080
Ganondorf Needs Buff @radiumgirl420.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comThey look like school shooters 010
Kevyn On Video @kevynonvideo.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comHEY! I’ll have you know I was content to be just good enough to not be in the bottom tier of the JV squad! 120
LunarBike @lunarbike.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comLOL - this is me if cargo shorts count and if they were around 35 years ago. 130
Peter K Owen @pkowen.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comIt's funny because it's true 010
Hope🇨🇦 @guerillawomaning.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comGo figure...I would have expected debate or band😂 000
Rachael the Spicy Hobbit @rachael-the-hobbit.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comGirls who haven't developed yet despite being last in their grade to, making similar plans 060
Ernesto Rodera @rodera.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comThose gangly kids always up to no good. 000
Catgirl Layla @pancake-addict.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI remember them from High school, they're all girls now. 0121
Heather in a microwave🏳️⚧️ @heather-alexis.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comYeah, but unfortunately they won't be allowed to compete after coming out 020
tonio5k.bsky.social @tonio5k.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI was one of those kids 50 years ago (minus cargo pants). I think it's funny anyone would think or write about cross country. There's no glory in being a high school's star distance runner. But running fast distance races isn't easy! 170
Aandy @spacedentist.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comAnyone else mad confused when the gym teacher excitedly invited you to team try-outs? Me? *looks around, def can't be me* 270
Brewskii2117 @brewskii2117.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comHey! All I wear is cargo pants. You shut up you! 😂 000
Darth Empath @jhatman.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comMy high school self feels attacked. 020
Barbara Mills @barbaramft.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comAnd they surprised even themselves as they pulled away from the pack 010
Barbara Mills @barbaramft.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comTheirs is the only trainer whose bag includes masking tape for the nose bridge of the runners’ black glasses 020
donotwantto.bsky.social @donotwantto.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comDon't forget the goofy personalities and haircuts. 060
Mike Schwartz @itsmikeschwartz.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comThat was me in high school. I probably would have run if the coach hadn’t been an asshole who loved to humiliate those same kids during general PE. 010
CatLady Lil @catladylil.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI wanna send this to my brother in law but I don't want to be mean 010
Matt Barnes @msbarnes.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comIt’s Monday, you’re not allowed to be mean to me like this 090
Nationaleers @nationaleers.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comJonah Hill nailed it in Superbad. No one’s gotten a handjob in cargo shorts since Nam. 010
Blissfully something @beebliss.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI thought The Onion published parody. This is spot-on Truth! 040
Sara Starship @globularcluster.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comFastest kid alive 000
Difficult Opinions @difficultopinions.com · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.com100% on point, same as 1983 for me. 000
Free Palestine 🇵🇸 @1gjin.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comNone of them are beating the Infowars Elf in a sprint. 000
Kenneth Freeman @kencf0618.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI was born in Aurora, def. didn't peak in high school, and I was well-served by cross country and theater arts in my second two years. 000
Cardinal Fang @cardinalfang.bsky.social · 31/08/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comDamn...so on point 010
Jessica Gallegos @jessicagallegos.bsky.social · 01/09/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comOMG!!! I ran cross county in high school in the 1980’s just to hang out with the quiet gangly guys They were hot! 120
Weedleplop @weedleplop.bsky.social · 01/09/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI was 2 out of 3 of those things. 000
Rabbit of Caerbannog @r-caerbannog.bsky.social · 01/09/2026↪ Replying to @theonion.comI feel attacked. 110
