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Unhappy John Candy

@unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social
212 followers 288 following 846 posts

Forklift certified. Too ugly for Instagram.

PostsRepliesMedia
Reposted by Unhappy John Candy
jamelle @jamellebouie.net · 09/10/2026
jesus christ i have never heard a democratic talk this bluntly about an opponent
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
WELL THEN PUT THE FUCKING TITLE ON HIM
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Vince Mancini @vincemancini.bsky.social · 11/10/2026
A+ Fresno State fan shot
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ceeks @ceeks.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
i don’t even know her!
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
It’s Saturday, and you know what that means! … my Mediacom internet is down.
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 10/10/2026
@STOPFLEXIN

i thought scat porn was a bitch goin "ski bi di do wop" on the dick. boy was I wrong
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
@AmbJohnBolton

mf tried to sell me a potion

(picture of a white cat wrapped in a blue cloak. he or she is a wizard.)
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
My first favorite soundtrack. Oh that was some magical music.
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
Look, politicians on BOTH SIDES are a problem. But we’re also gonna have to address the fucking morons agreeing to be in these political ads. They are either the saddest sack of shit actors or the most delusional and stupidest citizens in our democracy.
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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Slipknot Still Claiming They’re Not a Ska Band Despite Having 17 Members thehardtimes.net/music/slipkn...
thehardtimes.net
Slipknot Still Claiming They’re Not a Ska Band Despite Having 17 Members
DES MOINES, Iowa — Heavy metal outfit Slipknot denied accusations again today that they are a ska band, despite having over a... Get the full story
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The Hard Times @thehardtimesnews.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Flock CEO Insists Company’s Data Only Shared With FBI, DHS, NSA, DOJ, CIA and REO Speedwagon thehardtimes.net/culture/floc...
thehardtimes.net
Flock CEO Insists Company’s Data Only Shared With FBI, DHS, NSA, DOJ, CIA and REO Speedwagon
ATLANTA — Flock CEO Garrett Langley assured his employees that anyone who objects to constant surveillance by AI bots must be a... Continue reading this gem
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Razzball @razzball.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Announcing the merger with Titanic footage is an incredible bit
David Ellison • @ellisonskyd... 2h
What once was the peak, is now just the beginning.
Paramount and Warner Bros. shaped over a century of culture. By combining them, we aren't rewriting history — we're equipping these iconic studios with a more powerful engine. Together, we are Skydance: a creative-first ho Show
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
@Amtrak_CA

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Ralph Waldo Emerson

@porkbelt

.@Amtrak_CA With all due respect, this is terrible advice for trains
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Hey wait a second…
static.klipy.com
Nosferatu: Count Orlok Emerges
ALT: Nosferatu: Count Orlok Emerges
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
LOOK PAL 27 MORE TIMES AND I’M OUT OF HERE
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Oh sweet Jesus.
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
@adamgreattweet

watching a romcom: i will die alone

watching true crime: i will be murdered alone
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
@murrman5

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived ona deserted island for a year] it was crazy

[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
@JFriedhoff

me at 13: wow i can't wait til we have immersive computers everywhere like star trek
me at 30: wow i can't wait until we destroy all computers like in dune
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
@dhookstead

Did we cancel D-Day because of a little rough weather? No. Play the damn game.

Readers added context

D-Day was delayed by a day because of the weather
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
@catnipocalypse

not to be insensitive but some of the salem witch trials were so funny bitches like “i saw her at the devils sacrament!!!” girl... what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament 👀
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
@CethanLeahy

Me: oh wow, this shop has everything my heart desires!

Spooky shopkeeper: yes, I will warn you... every item comes with a price.

Me: yes, I know how shops work

kittydesade

Spooky Shopkeeper: The price may be more than you expect to pay.

Me: Yes, I know how US taxes work, too.

del3141

Shopkeeper, increasingly exasperated: I'm trying to tell you that I'm evil and offering these wares with no regard for the harm they will do!

Me, also increasingly exasperated: I know what capitalism is too goddammit
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Nobody analyze why I see a one inch bite-sized snack covered in gooey liquid and immediately assume it’s a penis reference.
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
They must be using too much salt at Pretzelmaker because the people running their website are fucking THIRSTY
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Big Homer J. Simpson vs Homer Jay Simpson energy.
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🅱️oofessor Killosk 👻🔪 @professorkiosk.wtf · 30/09/2026
now that’s what I call an abomination
A bizarre koala bear Mario sculpture.
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Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 21/10/2023
Edgar Allan Poe really ruined it for anyone who just wants to show their bitter enemy something cool in a catacomb.
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maffew going to MAGFest @maffewgregg.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
During the commercial break on AEW Collision, PAC rolls to the outside to let the commentators know what he thinks about Ace Austin's kicks
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phil @philjamesson.com · 30/09/2026
as always when this is posted, i have to fondly remember the time someone stole this tweet word for word, including using my name as the punchline, then claimed it was just independent discovery
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
@primawesome

My neighbor told me coyotes keep eating his outdoor cats so I asked how many cats he has and he said he just goes to the shelter and gets anew cat afterwards so I said it sounds like he's just feeding shelter cats to coyotes and then his daughter started crying.
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Bluesky for the next 31 days
@andromedism

(images from Always Sunny)

Panel 1: Dennis and Mac setting up an online dating profile for Charlie, asking him, "Alright, what are some of your likes?"

Panel 2: Charlie (face stung by hornets) grinning, "Ghouls."
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Like half of those are from me.
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MotorRoach @motorroach.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Honestly refreshing to see a recomp clearly stating this. Go check it out, tbh
Warning To AI Bros

Again, BlackLabelHQ and by extension MediEvilRecomp is proudly made entirely with human hands. We want to keep it that way, so please respect that.

* Fully AI written issues will be automatically closed

* ALL AI based PRs(such as ones containing claude as a contributor or clear AI code) will be rejected innately, however this is your warning that you will be permanently banned from BlackLabelHQ's repos if you do it anyway.
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Fightful Wrestling @fightful.com · 01/10/2026
Bryan Danielson and Jon Moxley embracing What a shot at the end
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Fightful Wrestling @fightful.com · 01/10/2026
Will Ospreay hits the Black Arrow! #AEWDynamite
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
@tolkoto.com You gonna watch this dude play KH2?
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Reading about Socrates, apparently he was horrific to look at and was still having kids in his 60s. Unbelievable game. Imagine you're at the bar and a man who looks like a beluga whale hits you with "The only thing I know is I know nothing" and you're just powerless to resist
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Sure feels like he better get used to being in title matches.
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Mat, this is the meanest thing you’ve ever said.
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Tweet from Steven (with a ph) (@SJKSalisbury):

[Googling instructions for disarming a bomb] 
For me, disarming bombs is indelibly linked to afternoons spent in my grandmother's kitchen, watching her carefully iron the parchment paper that the nitroglycerin came bound in (to be reused at Christm
[Hurried scrolling]
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Unhappy John Candy @unhappyjohncandy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Nah, this game is perfect for someone like me who sucks ass.
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Basketball Fan, of the Sixers and LeBron James lmao! @drewhamm5.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Phillies season
IT'S OVEI
IT'SNEVER BEEN
RE OVER THAN IT IS
ONIGH
IT'S EVEN MORE OVER THAN WAS PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT POSSIB
TUCKER CARLSON DTONIGHTO |
ONIGH
PREVIOUS RECORDS OF OVER SHATTERED BY HOW OVER IT IS
TUCKER CARLSON •TONIGHT•
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
@atdanwhite

Sexual empowerment is vital to a marriage. On Sundays my wife allows me 20min in my "horny tent" - she lets me borrow her iPad to google image search my sexual fantasies (doggie style, standing doggie style, etc.). If I'm not "in the mood", I surf ESPN.com or email
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
@longwall26
Confident in my ability to properly tennis, I take the court. I smile at my opponent. Serena does not return the gesture. She'd be prettier if she did, I think. She serves. The ball passes cleanly through my skull, killing me instantly

@YouGov
One in eight men (12%) say they could win a point in a game of tennis against 23 time grand slam winner Serena Williams
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Tweet from Alex "Tropical" Forrest 🚉🌴 (@380kmh):

while u begged for treats I studied the blade

(picture of a dog wearing a cloak and in possession of two swords, one in its mouth)
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
@libshipwreck

I know we’re all tired of being on Zoom, but some important Zoom etiquette reminders:

- everyone wants to see your cat

- don’t just say “my cat is here,” hold your cat up to the camera so we can see it

- when your cat is on camera, either say “cat” or type “cat” in the chat
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Museum of Twitter @museum-of-twitter.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
@FuctupMike
Bernie Sanders should be forced to give away 90% of his birthday cake. #HappyBirthdayBernie

@jamieandhisego
Uh, surely you do that anyway...

@ItsDanSheehan
This is how cake works

@MayorDadler
This is how birthday cakes work when you have friends.
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All Elite Wrestling @allelitewrestling.com · 28/09/2026
A Tribute to PAC #AEWDynamite – This Wednesday, September 30 at 8e/7c on TBS & HBO Max This Wednesday, All Elite Wrestling will honor the life, career and legacy of one of the greatest people we've ever known, PAC. Join us for A Tribute to PAC, this Wednesday Night!
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The Daily Show @thedailyshow.com · 28/09/2026
Far-right tweets aside, why would you buy salsa from a guy named Tom Smith? @michaelkosta.bsky.social
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Fightful Wrestling @fightful.com · 28/09/2026
PAC had his Wembley moment when he won the AEW Trios Titles in a Ladder Match.
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