Alt: Ralph from the Simpsons with a better grasp of reality than the senator from Alabama explaining that he saw his principal and teacher having sex in the closet.

The criminal extortion group ShinyHunters breached Instructure last week. The hackers, who have also attacked individual universities, demanded the ed-tech giant pay up or face a data leak.

“Grieving widower seeking comely maid to provide comfort and more male heirs in time of deep sorrow over the passing of my favorite wife from childbed fever....