iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reality crashes like a mighty wave against the waterproof jacket of my ignorance.

0304

Dad's talking in his sleep, muttering about communists and low-carb diets. I'm holding an axe, ready to strike if he says anything demonic. He will. Demons love possessing old people, at least according to the movies I've seen. I think back and smile. Exorcist III. Not perfect, but a damn good film.

2613

Swag gives way to listlessness.

16111

Snuffing out the spark of dignity in my soul which ennobles us and sets us apart from the mindless beasts who would sooner eat their own young than reflect upon life and its wonders to own the libs.

0200

I've started hearing night whispers in the break room.

1190

Lawn culture signifies humanity's final humiliation-conquest of the traditional refuge of predators, parasites, and irritants: the long grasses.

0100

It's been said that time heals all wounds. This is not true. Different wounds require different treatments. For example: Time heals temporal wounds. Music heals sonic wounds. Food heals nutritional wounds. Friendship heals social wounds. Bathing heals hygienic wounds. Logic heals thought wounds.

1212

The United States ends tonight. The old system of states has failed. The American People will replace them. Every person must become their own state, with their own laws, customs, identities, and sports teams. Where once were 50, now are 300 million. Welcome to the Disunited States, "citizen."

1180

A nonbinary president would make America great for the first time.

0130

(after every firework) Haha, nice, but we still need to grapple with the long-lasting effects of slavery, guys.

0162

Every night, I pray the British come back and finish what they started.

1111

BREAKING NEWS: A loud voice was just heard throughout the District of Columbia, saying "My work here is done," and shortly thereafter the Washington Monument flew up into the sky and disappeared. Early reports are indicating that we are on our own now.

0160

The American Dream is to buy the world for $1 and sell it for $2.

0140

Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, the nation will be healed.

0140

In honor of America's 250th birthday, we're counting down the 250 best American songs, all written by Neil Young, who is Canadian.

1101

In keeping with the rising tide of political sadism in the country, U.S. officials announced that today's fireworks are being set off exclusively to terrorize dogs and other weak-willed animals.

071

Land of the Buy One, Get One Free. Home of the Atlanta Braves.

060

While the hamburger is an obvious and fitting choice, for my money, no food is more American than the hot dog, and yes, it's because of its phallic nature.

0130

Taking a cutting-edge approach to patriotism in which I'm only proud of the good stuff.

1180

potion of @candlestick.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Our family will not be celebrating with fireworks (a Chinese invention) on this very special Fourth of July. Instead, we will load our wagons and travel westward in search of land and gold, forcibly displacing any native peoples we find there, but in a colorblind way, as MLK would've wanted.

0131

Reposted by SHREW

jazz is all about the weapons you don't allow to prosper against you

0425

[Richard M. Nixon] Lvl. 37 Burglar War Chief. STR : 18 DEX : 15 CON : 18 INT : 22 WIS : 16 CHA : 20 Special: "Crook Charge." [Henry Kissinger] Lvl. 56 Undead Diplomat. STR : 14 DEX : 16 CON : 24 INT : 26 WIS : 21 CHA : 19 Special: "Explosive Negotiation."

0120

William Henry Harrison's campaign slogan if he was a rooster: "Tippecanoe and Cock-a-doodle-doo."

190

I told my son neither Alexander Hamilton nor Benjamin Franklin were ever President and he started crying. I really hate this little dweeb.

0251

(sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) Lyndon Brains Johnson: Zombie President.

060

Regardless of the actual causes of the Great Depression, Herbert Hoover should've been burned at the stake in order to appease the gods and restore the people's faith in government.

0140

I would've called him Mike Eisenhower, just to piss him off.

1100

bog landlord @pondslurp.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

The "W" in George W. Bush stands for "Weasel." The "H. W." in George H. W. Bush stands for "Hated Weasel." The "J. E. B." in Jeb Bush stands for "Jealous Enraged Beast."

0261

Reposted by SHREW

to celebrate the occasion im buying 250 wild boars and setting them loose in my neighborhood

0395

Barack Obama's failure to respond appropriately and with sufficient force to Gangnam Style and the existential threat it represented set the stage for the many crises we now face in the world today.

0111

Frankly, nothing about JFK's death was ever suspicious to me. A guy's head got blown off. Happens in war all the time.

1180

A fringe theory gaining traction in academic circles states that FDR only got four terms in office because he got polio and was in a wheelchair and people felt bad for the guy.

050

The body of Abraham Lincoln has been exhumed and strapped to a firework to be blown up later tonight, in part to celebrate his legacy as one of the guys on Mt. Rushmore and in part as punishment for giving preferential treatment to black people.

0110

Thomas Jefferson was a weird freak and no amount of pretty words will ever change that.

0110

If I had a time machine, I'd have gone back to February 14, 1884, and told Teddy Roosevelt to quit being so dramatic.

040

Although it cannot be historiographically proven that he gave good head, John Adams is generally regarded as having the temperament necessary to do so and thus is held in the higher echelon of U.S. Presidents.

1679

If George Washington were alive today, he'd be so confused by the modern world and the mystery of his continued existence (either in having lived for so long or in having been risen from the grave), that he'd wish for death and we'd have to put him out of his misery with a bullet between the eyes.

1291

Azure Emerald Empire @azureemeraldempire.bsky.social · 25/06/2026

The Fart of July. Sincerely, a pissed off liberal.

0191

Reposted by SHREW

Wise druid: As the Earth turns, some of its powers wax while others wane; but each of the four seasons goes hard in its own way

0546

At the bottom of every ocean is a desert longing to be free.

1597

Busiaco @busia.co · 23/05/2024

The thought-pulse of the world-brain sounds out once again and from its cerebral womb a new way to make bread is born.

1191

Reposted by SHREW

Necromancer and her dog fighting over an important bone.

0698

I can't eat watermelons because their weight, size, and the thickness of their rinds remind me too much of a human skull.

1291

If you can make yourself laugh, the rest of the world will be easy pickings.

1120

"El Lizardo" (translated from Spanish: Mr. Lizard) was the most dangerous and powerful drug lord of all time, manufacturing and distributing millions of pounds of cocaine, crack, coke, blow, yayo, dust, rock, ice, snow, candy, sugar, and white stuff, although he never managed to sell any of it.

1130

I wish I had alternate forms to unlock.

3260

My mother used to punish me for being different by making me feel special, thus alienating me from normal people and ruining my life forever.

1190