iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reality crashes like a mighty wave against the waterproof jacket of my ignorance.

0304

Using my free phone call to ask Brad Dourif what it was like on set.

0141

Dad's talking in his sleep, muttering about communists and low-carb diets. I'm holding an axe, ready to strike if he says anything demonic. He will. Demons love possessing old people, at least according to the movies I've seen. I think back and smile. Exorcist III. Not perfect, but a damn good film.

2613

Swag gives way to listlessness.

16111

On higher-end models, those numbers can be accessed through a sub-menu.

Snuffing out the spark of dignity in my soul which ennobles us and sets us apart from the mindless beasts who would sooner eat their own young than reflect upon life and its wonders to own the libs.

0200

I've started hearing night whispers in the break room.

1190

Until you have purchased the license to do so, please do not advertise products in my replies.

020

Lawn culture signifies humanity's final humiliation-conquest of the traditional refuge of predators, parasites, and irritants: the long grasses.

0100

It's been said that time heals all wounds. This is not true. Different wounds require different treatments. For example: Time heals temporal wounds. Music heals sonic wounds. Food heals nutritional wounds. Friendship heals social wounds. Bathing heals hygienic wounds. Logic heals thought wounds.

1212

I'm declaring war on you to reclaim what I meant to call dibs on before you beat me to it.

010

The United States ends tonight. The old system of states has failed. The American People will replace them. Every person must become their own state, with their own laws, customs, identities, and sports teams. Where once were 50, now are 300 million. Welcome to the Disunited States, "citizen."

1180

A nonbinary president would make America great for the first time.

0130

(after every firework) Haha, nice, but we still need to grapple with the long-lasting effects of slavery, guys.

0162

Every night, I pray the British come back and finish what they started.

1111

BREAKING NEWS: A loud voice was just heard throughout the District of Columbia, saying "My work here is done," and shortly thereafter the Washington Monument flew up into the sky and disappeared. Early reports are indicating that we are on our own now.

0160

The American Dream is to buy the world for $1 and sell it for $2.

Maybe when I wake up tomorrow, the nation will be healed.

In honor of America's 250th birthday, we're counting down the 250 best American songs, all written by Neil Young, who is Canadian.

1101

In keeping with the rising tide of political sadism in the country, U.S. officials announced that today's fireworks are being set off exclusively to terrorize dogs and other weak-willed animals.

071

Land of the Buy One, Get One Free. Home of the Atlanta Braves.

And women used to be unable to sleep without their husband's permission, and children would be sliced in half in the event of a divorce.

120

"Goal" in French is "le but."

020

While the hamburger is an obvious and fitting choice, for my money, no food is more American than the hot dog, and yes, it's because of its phallic nature.

0130

Due to budgetary constraints, the rest of the month will have a different, more low-key vibe.

051

I guess, if I had my way, every country would do the good stuff and we probably wouldn't have countries anymore because it would be unnecessary complexity. As for what is the good stuff, that will be decided by the voters. But if I had my way, only good people would be allowed to vote.

040

And really it doesn't matter which country does it, as long as it gets done. I just wish it was my country because then it's a little easier to identify with.

140

Taking a cutting-edge approach to patriotism in which I'm only proud of the good stuff.

1180

Our family will not be celebrating with fireworks (a Chinese invention) on this very special Fourth of July. Instead, we will load our wagons and travel westward in search of land and gold, forcibly displacing any native peoples we find there, but in a colorblind way, as MLK would've wanted.

0131

Would that all nephews were hobbits and never grow into wicked and corruptible men.

potion of @candlestick.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

Reposted by SHREW

jazz is all about the weapons you don't allow to prosper against you

0425

[Richard M. Nixon] Lvl. 37 Burglar War Chief. STR : 18 DEX : 15 CON : 18 INT : 22 WIS : 16 CHA : 20 Special: "Crook Charge." [Henry Kissinger] Lvl. 56 Undead Diplomat. STR : 14 DEX : 16 CON : 24 INT : 26 WIS : 21 CHA : 19 Special: "Explosive Negotiation."

0120

I thought so at the time, but now I'm not so sure.

120

A female fox named Richard Vixen.

110

William Henry Harrison's campaign slogan if he was a rooster: "Tippecanoe and Cock-a-doodle-doo."

190

I told my son neither Alexander Hamilton nor Benjamin Franklin were ever President and he started crying. I really hate this little dweeb.

0251

(sequel to Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter) Lyndon Brains Johnson: Zombie President.

Warren G. Barking would be great for a dog.

110

Regardless of the actual causes of the Great Depression, Herbert Hoover should've been burned at the stake in order to appease the gods and restore the people's faith in government.

I would've called him Mike Eisenhower, just to piss him off.

1100

bog landlord @pondslurp.bsky.social · 04/07/2026

The "W" in George W. Bush stands for "Weasel." The "H. W." in George H. W. Bush stands for "Hated Weasel." The "J. E. B." in Jeb Bush stands for "Jealous Enraged Beast."

0261

Reposted by SHREW

to celebrate the occasion im buying 250 wild boars and setting them loose in my neighborhood

0395

Barack Obama's failure to respond appropriately and with sufficient force to Gangnam Style and the existential threat it represented set the stage for the many crises we now face in the world today.

0111

Smiling through the pain.

030

What is more suspicious is how he was elected President despite being Catholic and thus directly under the control of Rome and the continually reincarnating Antichrist.

Frankly, nothing about JFK's death was ever suspicious to me. A guy's head got blown off. Happens in war all the time.

1180

A fringe theory gaining traction in academic circles states that FDR only got four terms in office because he got polio and was in a wheelchair and people felt bad for the guy.

050