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Paul Lander

@paullander.bsky.social
63K followers 34K following 9.6K posts

TV/comedy writer/Producer, award-winning columnist. His humor pieces have appeared in MAD, American Bystander, Weekly Humorist, McSweeneys, Humor Times, etc.

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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 8h
Pennsylvania has largest Measles outbreak since 1991. The Steelers are safe everybody on that team has trouble catching anything.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 13h
Extra! Extra! Latest Ripping the Headlines Today - Paul Lander - @subs.humortimes.com www.humortimes.com/424640/rippi...
humortimes.com
Ripping the Headlines Today - Paul Lander, Humor Times
Making fun of headlines, like: "Has Russia begun to order assassinations on US soil?" - Quick, someone hide Moose and Squirrel!
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 10h
Box Office: ‘Digger’ Majorly Bombs With $8 Million Opening Weekend. They say Tom Cruise is unrecognizable… turns out a positive for Tom
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 10h
Box Office: ‘Digger’ Majorly Bombs With $8 Million Opening Weekend. They say Tom Cruise is unrecognizable… turns out a positive for Tom
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Humor Times @subs.humortimes.com · 14h
Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/5/26 - #humor #satire #funny #news
humortimes.com
Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/5/26
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the safety of ‘Moose and Squirrel,’ doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release…
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
New Not Coming this Fall vid drop from Pretty Damn Sketchy YouTube channel. Hurry! You’re gonna want seconds. youtube.com/shorts/0qWuQ...
youtube.com
Not Coming This Fall: Woodstock Tastes Like Chicken! A Very Special Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
YouTube video by Pretty Damn Sketchy
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 13h
Extra! Extra! Latest Ripping the Headlines Today - Paul Lander - @subs.humortimes.com www.humortimes.com/424640/rippi...
humortimes.com
Ripping the Headlines Today - Paul Lander, Humor Times
Making fun of headlines, like: "Has Russia begun to order assassinations on US soil?" - Quick, someone hide Moose and Squirrel!
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 16h
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social by me and @cartoonydan.bsky.social humoroutcasts.com/2026/cartoon...
humoroutcasts.com
Cartoon: Mission Accomplished
Written by: Paul Lander Artist: Dan McConnell
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 16h
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social by me and @cartoonydan.bsky.social humoroutcasts.com/2026/cartoon...
humoroutcasts.com
Cartoon: Mission Accomplished
Written by: Paul Lander Artist: Dan McConnell
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#BlueStormComin1🌪️🦋🇺🇸 #Resistance 🦋🙌🏻 #Blues @bluestormcomin1.bsky.social · 16h
If anyone else wants in my pack that I forget to list show me a 👋 to add you Repost Thanks
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
All new Karmic Kick in the Nuts Award just dropped on Pretty Damn Sketchy YouTube Channel. View, like, subscribe then be a Prince and ‘party like it's 1999’ youtube.com/shorts/etQHK...
youtube.com
Karmic Kick in the Nuts Award: People Talking on Their Cell Phones in Public
YouTube video by Pretty Damn Sketchy
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The American Bystander @americanbystander.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Foldable Iphone Makes Phone Bigger Somehow
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Light @lightpoetrymag.bsky.social · 19h
Who's ready to rebel against high tech (after reading this poem on their phone)? *Click link in thread for all 8 Poems of the Week, on fat bears, bear hugs & more* lightpoetrymagazine.com/poems-of-the... #AI #hightech #Luddites @paullander.bsky.social @americanbystander.bsky.social
lightpoetrymagazine.com
Sic Semper Tyrannis
by J.P. Celia “Tech Companies Can’t Stop an AI Apocalypse Alone”—Knowledge at Wharton “Put down your phone,” I firmly say.“There’s more to life. And youth. And play.Ride off on skateboard, stallion, s...
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Dom DeCecco @phillyosopher.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Eric Schmitt: "On March 27, 2022, were you in Los Angeles attending the Academy Awards?" Jack Smith: "No. " Schmitt: "You're a liar and a dirt bag! Not only were you there, you assaulted beloved African-American comedian, Chris Rock." Jack Smith: [smiles] #EricSchmitt @politipod.bsky.social
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 21h
US pulls Stealth bombers from key UK base after suspected Iran-linked terror plot. Or maybe they didn't...
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If any of the Cornell Seven didn’t get into Penn, they may get another shot — this time in the state pen.
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💫Foxy💫 @getyourfoxyback.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
It’s National Do Something Nice Day 🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊 Your Official Day to spread awesomeness is on October 5! Today is National Do Something Nice Day and we are dedicated to making the world a little brighter, one kind act at a time. We will be okay Love Foxy
1905 Orville and Wilbur Wright make a circling flight on "Flyer I!!" of 24.2 miles (38.9 km) in 39 minutes and 23 seconds
1916 Adolf Hitler is wounded in the left thigh by an exploding shell during the Battle of the Somme
1942 Budy Massacre at Auschwitz sub-camp, 90 French-Jewish women are beaten to death by prison guards
1945 "Meet the Press" premieres on radio
1947 Harry Truman delivers the first presidential address televised from the White House
1962 "Dr. No," the first James Bond film based on the novel by lan Fleming and starring Sean Connery and Ursula Andress, premieres in London
1973 Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, the 7th studio album by Elton John, is released
1992 US Congress votes to override George H. W. Bush's veto of a bill regulating cable TV companies, the first overturn of a Bush veto
2001 Robert Stevens becomes the first victim in the 2001 anthrax attacks
2015 Governor of California Jerry Brown signs a bill granting terminally ill patients the "right to die"
2018 US unemployment figures hit their lowest level since 1969 at 3.7%, according to the Department of Labor
2020 WHO estimates 10% of the world's population may have been infected with COVID-19, more than 20 times the number of confirmed cases
2021 Otis (bear 480), weighing more than 900 pounds, wins Alaska's Fat Bear Week for pre-hibernation weight gain for the fourth time
2023 Record 961 migrating birds die after hitting McCormick Place Lakeside Center building in Chicago during fall migration
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#BlueStormComin1🌪️🦋🇺🇸 #Resistance 🦋🙌🏻 #Blues @bluestormcomin1.bsky.social · 23h
Good morning and happy Monday 👋 There are party lists from last night so enjoy! If you are a. Follower of mine and want your account boosted leave a 👋 or comment. Have an awesome day! #Blues #BSC1
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Federal Judge Says Police Can't Use Flock Cameras To Go 'Snooping Through Our Personal Lives'. Thank God, I was beginning to feel way too much pressure to be more interesting.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy exchanged F-bombs early in the Steelers’ loss to the Browns. Surprised. With all that ivermectin, you’d think Rodgers would be a little hoarse.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Mississippi coroner advises residents to shoot burglars In fairness, for him it is a good way to drum up business.
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ladyexec.bsky.social @ladyexec.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Happy #Caturday🐈‍⬛ 🐈 Night. Quincy loves his box. Yes, he’s curled up in there, covering his eyes, while fast asleep. #Cats #Tuxedo
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
LOS ANGELES MAGAZINE: Malibu Records 100,000 Speeding Violations in 10 Days. Well it is home to the fast life.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Shark Spotted Swimming Down Flooded New Jersey Street During Nor’easter. Why my agent was in New Jersey is whole other story.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If any of the Cornell Seven didn’t get into Penn, they may get another shot — this time in the state pen.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
The Surprise Social Security Benefit That Goes to Parents Who Have Kids Late. Free Hearing aids you can just turn off
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Aaron Rodgers and Mike McCarthy exchanged F-bombs early in the Steelers’ loss to the Browns. Surprised. With all that ivermectin, you’d think Rodgers would be a little hoarse.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Federal Judge Says Police Can't Use Flock Cameras To Go 'Snooping Through Our Personal Lives'. Thank God, I was beginning to feel way too much pressure to be more interesting.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
The Surprise Social Security Benefit That Goes to Parents Who Have Kids Late. Free Hearing aids you can just turn off
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Mississippi coroner advises residents to shoot burglars In fairness, for him it is a good way to drum up business.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Shark Spotted Swimming Down Flooded New Jersey Street During Nor’easter. Why my agent was in New Jersey is whole other story.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
LOS ANGELES MAGAZINE: Malibu Records 100,000 Speeding Violations in 10 Days. Well it is home to the fast life.
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💫Foxy💫 @getyourfoxyback.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Its National 10-4 Day 🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊 Today honors CB radio culture, truckers, travelers, and one of America’s most recognized radio phrases: “10-4,” meaning message received. I don’t know the “lingo” but I do remember being introduced to it by the movie Smoky and the Bandit 😂 We will be okay
1915 Dinosaur National Monument is established in Colorado and Utah to protect its famous Dinosaur Quarry
1921 League of Nations formally refuses to assist starving Russians affected by famine
1928 Communist Party of Germany (KPD) begins petition against Germany building a new battle fleet
1958 Transatlantic commercial jet passenger service began (BOAC)
1963 Hurricane Flora hits Haiti and Cuba, killing over 5,000 people
1965 Pope Paul VI becomes the first Catholic Pope to leave Italy since 1809, and the first to visit the Western Hemisphere; he spends 14 hours in NYC to address the UN, meet with US President Lyndon Johnson, visit the World's Fair and St. Patrick's Cathedral, and celebrate mass at Yankee Stadium
1975 A Cessna 310Q airplane crashes over Wilmington, North Carolina, killing the pilot and severely injuring several pro wrestlers affiliated with the NWA's Mid-Atlantic promotion; one of the survivors is the legendary Ric Flair
1976 US Supreme Court refuses to reconsider the July 1976 ruling which lifted a ban on the death penalty for convicted murderers
1988 Pillsbury stock soars from $18.37 to $57.37 after rumors of a takeover bid
1997 Second largest cash robbery in U.S. history occurs at the Charlotte, North Carolina, office of Loomis, Fargo and Company with $17.3 million in cash taken 2010 "Die Hard" director John McTiernan is sentenced to one year in prison for lying to the FBI
2023 Kevin McCarthy becomes the first Speaker of the US House of Representatives to be removed from office after fellow Republican hardliners, led by Matt Gaetz, vote for his ouster
2024 US port workers along the country's east and gulf coasts end strike after 3 days
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🪷MsGrumpyBunny🪷 @msgrumpybunny.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Last call….🥃 Check your voter registration! Last day to register TO VOTE — SUNDAY in AK, RI, SC, U.S. Virgin Islands MONDAY in AZ, AR, FL, GA, IN, KY, MS, OH, TN, TX. WEDNESDAY in MO 🗳️🗳️🗳️💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼🗳️🗳️🗳️
static.klipy.com
Semisonic - Closing Time Music Video Clip
ALT: Semisonic - Closing Time Music Video Clip
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Stardust 🌏🎬 @stardustbluepr.com · 04/10/2026
Well…It’s official! StardustBlue Media is honored to receive both gold and silver awards from the 21st annual W3 Awards for If You Please: Himan Brown’s Radio Mystery Theater, winning in the social media and creators’ categories. #w3awards @radiodramanetwork.bsky.social @cunytv.bsky.social
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
6 of the last 22 Nobel Peace Prize winners have been Muslims 7, if you watch FOX News and count former President Obama.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
6 of the last 22 Nobel Peace Prize winners have been Muslims 7, if you watch FOX News and count former President Obama.
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Andrea Devon @andreadevon.sheshed.rocks · 03/10/2026
Women had experienced harassment for generations. In 1975, a group of women at… CORNELL decided to name it. Lin Farley put a name to it: “sexual harassment.” #SheShed #VivaHerAlliance
Book cover titled “Sexual Shakedown” by Lin Farley.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social for printing this one by me and @cartoonydan.bsky.social humoroutcasts.com/2026/cartoon...
humoroutcasts.com
Cartoon: Slam Dunked
Written by: Paul Lander Artist: Dan McConnell
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💫Foxy💫 @getyourfoxyback.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
It’s National Play Outside Day 🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊 The first Saturday of every month is National Play Outside Day. This National Day presents opportunity to remind everyone to get outside and enjoy the fresh air through play. The weather is beautiful so get outside while you can We will be okay
1863 US President Abraham Lincolndesignates the last Thursday in November as Thanksgiving Day
1913 US federal income tax at 1% is signed into law by President Woodrow
Wilson
19157.8 earthquake shakes Pleasant Valley, Nevada
1922 First facsimile photo is sent over city telephone lines in Washington, D.C.
1941 Nazi SS kills all elderly Jewish men of Kremenchug, Ukraine
1954 "Father Knows Best" premieres
1961 "The Dick Van Dyke Show," created by Carl Reiner and starring Dick Van Dyke and Mary Tyler Moore, premieres on CBS-TV
1974 Watergate criminal trial begins for five advisers and aides of President
Nixon
1984 US government shuts down due to lack of agreement over passage of bills
1990 Reunification of East Germany and West Germany; the West German flag is raised above the Brandenburg Gate at the stroke of midnight
2008 The $700 billion bailout bill for the US financial system is signed by President Bush
2014 83 million accounts are compromised after a cyberattack on JPMorgan
Chase and nine other financial institutions
2018 259 people have died taking selfies since 2011, according to a study in the
"Journal of Family Medicine and Primary Care"
2025 US Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announces via social media fourth known lethal military strike on civilian boat in the Caribbean, off the coast of Venezuela, killing four people thought to be drug smugglers
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#BlueStormComin1🌪️🦋🇺🇸 #Resistance 🦋🙌🏻 #Blues @bluestormcomin1.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Happy #Caturday Saturday everyone 👋 There were parties last night and no re this evening so join us! 🎉 If you are a follower of mine looking to grow your account leave a comment or 👋 Have an awesome day! ❤️☮️ Repost 🙏🏼 #Blues #BSC1
static.klipy.com
Cat Gives Man a High Five
ALT: Cat Gives Man a High Five
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Us Add 29k Jobs. But most are people hired to make LinkedIn profiles for soon to be ex GOP lawmakers.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Disney World solved a problem that could save America billions every year. Uh, telling people don’t go to Disney World.
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LunaLuvgood2020 @lunaluvgood2020.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
So if a man in NY gets drunk and I steal his wallet, because he was voluntarily intoxicated does that mean no crime was committed? Of course it doesn’t and it’s the same thing with Jane Doe at Cornell Getting intoxicated doesn’t mean you consent to rape, or theft #IStandWithJaneDoe
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Disney World solved a problem that could save America billions every year. Uh, telling people don’t go to Disney World.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social for reprinting my column: Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/2/26 humoroutcasts.com/2026/ripping...
humoroutcasts.com
Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/2/26
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the Charmin ‘Forever Roll,’ doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft…
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Dawna and RealMonkeyCat @dawna9.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Hey Paul, I received this email today from the LA County Registrar. I signed up for text updates and found my ballot was mailed Oct 1 with receipt Oct 2-4.
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Us Add 29k Jobs. But most are people hired to make LinkedIn profiles for soon to be ex GOP lawmakers.
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awkword @awkword.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Trump has hired Elon Musk to co-direct a new Pentagon initiative on the future of warfare. www.war.gov/News/Release...
Man in suit wearing Trump mask in front of Trump Tower | text: Trump hired Musk to lead a new Pentagon initiative on the future of warfare
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Paul Lander @paullander.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social for reprinting my column: Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/2/26 humoroutcasts.com/2026/ripping...
humoroutcasts.com
Ripping the Headlines Today, 10/2/26
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the Charmin ‘Forever Roll,’ doesn’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft…
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