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Milldawg

@milldawg.bsky.social
30 followers 54 following 274 posts

i'm just a silly little guy

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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
[on my deathbed, beckoning my grandson to come closer, my voice barely a whisper] how do i talk to girls
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Trisarahjtops @trisarahjtops.bsky.social · 07/03/2024
Eating pencils so I can get vitamin 2
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Tyver Foucault @thedoorthedoor.bsky.social · 13/06/2024
The purpose of stickers is to Never Use Them so that when you die your friends can put them on your coffin
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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
(Showing the barber a picture of me & him skipping hand-in-hand through a tulip field) Can I get something like this
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
most of my posts are bad. but here are ones I think are good
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Rejected Drafts of "Double Double Toil and Trouble": Morsel morsel dress rehorsal Bingo bongo Lupita Nyong'o Triple quadruple peepee poople Britney Britney baby hit me Yeetz yeetz Google Sheets Milkin' milkin' Rumpelstiltskin Winner winner chick and dinner Desert island was the grink there
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
ME: I see you're a man of culture YOGURT ELEMENTAL: wow ok that's pretty racist
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
lawyering up (slathering my entire body in Molinari's Homestyle Attorney Sauce)
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
eating spaghetti bolognyeezy at the kanye westaurant
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
summering* in the hamptons** again #blessed *lying face down **a ditch
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andy.scrolling.fright @andy.scrolling.site · 28/08/2026
(Sideline reporter): coach, your team didn’t seem to be able to stop the run or get it going on offense, what do you think needs to change ? (coach, redeyed and shriveled): we’ve gotta switch our coolers back to water instead of drinking cupfuls of dried basmati rice
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
and I said what about
The Magic: The Gathering card "Alrund's Epiphany"
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
eating all the garlic shrimp at olive garden to bolster my immunity to vampires eating all the silverware at olive garden to bolster my immunity to werewolves eating all the guns at olive garden to b
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
THE GRIM REAPER: i have come to harvest your soul THE PEPPY REAPER: omg me too lol!~ THE GRIM REAPER: you gotta stop doing this man you're ruining my whole thing here
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
THE APPLE WIZARD: gaze into my enchanted orb! ME: [squinting at the apple on his desk] i don't see anything THE APPLE WIZARD: just keep gazing THE APPLE WIZARD'S NEPHEW: [stealing my wallet]
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
ME: hey man can you help me with my taxes again? TRIPLE H: i told you not to call me at wor-- [the phone gets knocked out of his hand by a folding chair slamming into his back] ME: you could have just let it go to voicemail
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
EXECUTIONER: any last words? ME: uhhh zoology... zoroastrianism... does zumba count? EXECUTIONER: [strapping himself into a second chair]
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
babe do you need anything from 7-11? i'm gonna swing by there on my way home from the office to pick up some more stocks and bonds
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
ME: sorry i cant make it to your party bro, i got too many yams to boil this weekend JURY SELECTOR: it's not really a "party" per se
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
asking my parole officer for uppies so i can get those cookies on the top shelf
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
got yellow carded today at the chess field. i promoted my pawn to a rook and it flew away
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
getting ready to submit my application for jail
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
[thought crime prison] CELLMATE: mine was "I can't wait to molest and dismember all these third graders." how about you? ME: mine was "this dish could do with a little less garlic" CELLMATE: [spits on me] you sick fuck
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
we are sad to report that our townspeople are once again being targeted by notorious regional miscreant The Penis Replacer
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
me n the boys headin down to the Vivisectory to get cleft in twain
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jonathan 'der bernhard' / 'jurt' löffelbein @derloeffelbein.bsky.social · 12/05/2025
(extreme borat voice): my ex wiiife 😫
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Busiaco @busia.co · 23/06/2026
He died doing what he loved (being impaled by ogres.)
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
DATE: so what kinds of music do you like? KEVIN MCCALLISTER: trap and house
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mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
So-called "experts" at the zoo tell me that I can't keep climbing into the penguin enclosure. Demonstrably false.
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
when my doctor walks into the exam room, I assert dominance by immediately dying of natural causes
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 30/05/2026
MAN: Doctor, I'm depressed. DOCTOR: Go see the great clone Pagliacci. MAN: But Doctor, I'm the great clone Pagliacci. DOCTOR [WHO IS ALSO A CLONE OF PAGLIACCI]: Yeah no shit
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 23/05/2026
practicing jello yearnalism (wanting to eat some jello)
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
Image of the text "you wouldn't suplex a train"
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
downloading primal content from ancient mesopotamian websites
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
ME: ever since the breakup, I've been doing a lot of...I think it's called "soul-searching"? THERAPIST: how has that been going for you? ME: [loading more ectoplasm into my spirit rifle] good
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 03/05/2026
Doctors Hate Her!! You Won't Believe This Local Mom's One Weird Trick: Kidnapping and Ransoming Doctors' Children
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
ME: [showing them a picture on my phone] and this is our patron deity, the grinch MEDIEVAL PEASANTS: [eyeing me suspiciously] [unable to understand a word i'm saying] TIME TRAVELING TOUR GUIDE: [quickly herding the rest of the tour group into the time machine so they can leave without me]
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 28/04/2026
Ichabod Crane, Archibald Tiger, and Cornelius Dragon having an epic three-way kung fu battle, knocking each other's heads clean off
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
and this is my emo goth butler Edginald
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andy.scrolling.fright @andy.scrolling.site · 08/04/2026
Home Depot guy: ok and what is it you’re trying to build? me: I’m trying to trap a djinn
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
in the smithy quietly sharpening my gun
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
ME: look mommy I finded a egg from the easter bunny! MY MOM: .... THE PULSING TRANSLUCENT CHRYSALIS SEEPING MUCUS ALL OVER MY HANDS: ....
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 28/03/2024
you tellin me a cad buried these eggs?
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
TAROT READER: [flipping over card] ah, The Lovers means that y- ME: I cast Doom Blade targeting The Lovers and begin my attack phase TAROT READER: you will die alone ME: the cards say that? TAROT READER: no
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
physicists approximate yo mama as a sphere
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
my toxic trait is that upon my death, I drop 6 gold and a leather tunic with no magical modifiers or gem sockets
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
my toxic trait is that if an adventurer enters my attack radius, I begin to emit many poisonous gases
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Milldawg @milldawg.bsky.social · 04/04/2026
my toxic trait is that if I get hit by a motorcycle, I'm worth 3 points
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