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mattitations

@mattitations.bsky.social
625 followers 1.1K following 5.1K posts

nobody wants to berserk anymore. hooray for books, baseball, and nice people!

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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 13h
mark my words: within the next five years there will be a commercial with him and jerry rice singing rice rice baby
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 16h
a new associate started this week me: wanna go to my hearing with me on thursday? associate: totally. do i gotta wear a suit? me: congratulations you chose to become a lawyer! #lawsky ⚖️
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
playoff baseball is october ball even in september those are the rules handed down by abner octoberday
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Mr. Joshua @pantspants.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“Bongo” Ballpoint pen, pencil, watercolor, acrylic paint, and a little colored pencil.

Our man is in trouble this time, reader. Art supplies are scattered around a painting of an abstract cityscape. On the canvas we see a man in a telephone booth making a frantic call to his cat, Bongo. In the foreground, an answering machine is taking his voicemail, [Leave a message at the beep] --- “Bongo, Daddy got stuck in the painting. Go get help, Bongo.” Bongo stands at the base of the easel looking at the phone. Her tail in the air and ears perked up. Whether she’ll be able to help is open to interpretation.

Artist’s note: One of my favorites from the Spooky Pants book. I was playing around with the idea of a painting coming to life (like that guy in Ghostbusters 2) and kind of fumbled my way into this version. I really draw a lot of corded phones. I won’t stop.
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
the midterms are coming
halloween decorations in a front yard staged like a crime scene: police tape around the grisly dismemberment of a giant pumpkinheaded monster. regular skeletons including a cop skeleton stand around and wonder how this happened
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
omg i didn’t even realize he was still playing jeesy creesy #gocoogs
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
🎶 hello bony my old friend tell your dog I said hi again
a giant skeleton appears to be emerging from the roof of a house. a skeleton dog sits nearby
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
excuse me do you know *hard* it is to be perfect at anything at all?
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
they have the pope but we have beyonce
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
c walk’s look of utter indifference here is appropriate
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
DESPITE OUR BEST EFFORTS YOUR HOUSTON #ASTROS ARE AL WEST CHAMPS
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Michael Shopoff @mshopoff.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Who cares about the #astros record?
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kwisatz haderade (#FreeSkylar) @booksandbows.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
#inspired
A'ja Wilson crashing into a staffer but the staffer is labeled "A Normal MLB Season" and A'ja represents the AL West.
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
funniest freaking outcome. #astros
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I don’t know who you are, lucas spence, but I love you. #astros
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
age verification? I had who framed roger rabbit on vhs
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Cage @ridiculouscage.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
"why would I deceive you?"
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
well, despite our best efforts, we won #hookem 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
wtf ut
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Lauren @beavisetc.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Warren Zevon
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
me reading moby dick (complimentary)
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
unbelievable. the only defense of simmons is to serve as inspiration for this art
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
me every election night:
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Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 26/09/2026
It’s always sad to say goodbye to baseball season. There’s nothing finer than 162, starting when the world is blooming and winding down as that chill sets in. Winter is coming and I’ll make the best of it, but I’m already looking forward to spring ⚾️
Pic of twins-rangers at target field tonight
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
how can you not be romantic about baseball
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
how your email finds me
a large frozen margarita next to chips and salsa
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
rolling up to the interview with an iced diesel to show I don’t need this job
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
incalculable losses in dollars and simple well-being
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
watching the #astros and the rangers battle for the AL west is like watching two raccoons fight over a roasted chicken carcass in a dumpster. and I am here for it.
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Miss Chris @fromscratchclub.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
METS, DO YOUR PART AND WIN #MetsSky #LGM 💙🧡🟣
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Jen Rice @jenrice.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
If you've been procrastinating on registering to vote in Texas, this is it. You need to do it now. Right now.
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
*watching slow horses* me: was that guy in an earlier season? it’s been so long I don’t remember spouse: I dunno. all these british people look alike.
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Diet Coquette @seventwelve21.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Despite all my rage, I’m still
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I am the walrus, your honor. may it please the court, coocoo cachoo.
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Raider @iwillnotbesilenced.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Protests have erupted in Austin, Texas after ICE shot 29 year old Wilber Rafael Garces Perez.
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John Scalzi @scalzi.com · 20/09/2026
FUCK YES IT'S A GODDAMN DECORATIVE GOURD MOTHERFUCKERS
A lozenge-shaped pumpkin, ready to decorate the ever-living FUCK out of our front yard
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
did anyone tell cj stroud he has a game today?
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
okay cj let’s see if we can remember how to score a touchdown. or did you use them all up last week?
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
just thinking about how if obama had torn down the east wing one weekend when he thought no one would notice, fox news would have called for his summary [redacted]
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
this is central texas fairgrounds and 4-H club erasure
nyt spelling bee says caliche is not a word
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
uh what are you doing, a&m?
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I ❤️ our beautiful boy
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S. @sherrliloquy.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
RIP 🕯️🪶 “Chipped notes of birdsong descend from the trees, tuneful and broken; the notes pile about me like leaves." ~Annie Dillard Pilgrim at Tinker Creek
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
it's friday, baby
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
joe lo arriving at daikin:
static.klipy.com
Grandpa Abe's Confused Exit in The Simpsons
Alt: abe simpson walking into and out of the reputable establishment upon seeing bart at reception
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Julia Is Waving, Not Drowning @booktweeting.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
PLEASE EMBRACE THE TORTURE NEXUS, SAY TORTURE NEXUS RENTIERS
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
me when the #astros are one game over .500 and lead the division: (how many more times am I going to do this this season? we’ll see!)
static.klipy.com
Zendaya's Glamorous Portrait
ALT: Zendaya's Glamorous Portrait
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
YORRDDDAAAAANNNNNN!!
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
absolutely disappointed but I cannot stress enough how much of a dumbass 20-year-old matt was
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mattitations @mattitations.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I have to admit something: when I was young, I vaguely thought martha stewart owned martha’s vineyard
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