Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 12/09/2026"Hey cool meta glasses! Remember last time we were hanging out and you were plotting to kill Mark Zuckerberg and rape his wife? You wanna talk more about that now?" Make sure you say that as loud as you can so the mic picks it up 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Humanity peaked with gogurt, and since then it's been a smooth steady downturn 001
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 31/08/2026You're telling me Metro, Goldwyn, and Mayer worked together on this joint? 000
Reposted by MartyMarisa Kabas @marisakabas.bsky.social · 26/08/2026you should wear a bike helmet 491709128
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 26/08/2026They need to update puffcos so you can track them in apple find my or Android device hub 000
Reposted by Martysalad @thesaladmancer.bsky.social · 17/08/2026ultra walk (i made this in ms paint in like 10 minutes with my mouse for the sake of a joke in a discord server) 112063485
Reposted by MartyKatie Slivensky @kslivensky.bsky.social · 15/08/2026Shout-out to libraries. Where else can you just chill outside with a 4yo as you pretend to be magic fairies careening about a large grassy area, then pop indoors for air conditioning, coloring pages, and benches to read four books in a row that you then get to take home, no charge? Libraries rule. 14355616
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 16/08/2026Old people should shoplift more, they won't have to deal with self checkouts at all, and the optics of a store with a paddy wagon of old people out front can't look good, it's a win win for old people and a straight loss for corporations. 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 13/08/2026You know usually the three letter agencies people aren't this blatantly transparent but it's impressive when one slips through the cracks. 100
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Was anyone else let down when they went to a cheesecake factory for the first time and didn't see any assembly line for cake. Its just a fucking restaurant why would they call it that? 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 28/07/2026Sometimes you have to go on a 3 day bender to remind your garmin who's boss 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 24/07/2026They should make a therapist that you can go to at 10pm and get a beer. 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 23/07/2026You can always search "NFL player domestic violence" set the limit to 1 week, and still get like 40 articles. I have been doing this on and off for years 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 22/07/2026Tell the debt collectors they got scammed, happens to everyone sometimes, what can ya do? 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 21/07/2026There is no point in responding as he has already depicted one side as Chad and the other as soy, it's an infallible position. 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 19/07/2026How many cops are paid to just stand around and watch this game? 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 18/07/2026When you get your doc license they make you take an oath with a hippopotamus to always help people, and that's why it's called HIPPA 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 18/07/2026You know Will Smith can't enjoy a plate of spaghetti anymore 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 18/07/2026I'm not gonna watch the Odyssey until they do a book version of it 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 11/07/2026I'm smoking a blunt with juror 12 and juror 10 is in the corner PISSED OFF 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 09/07/2026We gotta actually see Trump die on camera, if it comes to a situation similar to McConnell they'll just do this exact thing forever. 100
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 07/07/2026They know if they announce the death it gives us hope for a better future 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 07/07/2026I think we've had more kids killed in school than people killed on 9/11. I don't know the best way to verify this info but the numbers have got to be close. 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 05/07/2026Every canned drink should be in a tall boy, or one of those lil baby cans because they are cute 12 fl oz is a bastard volume 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 03/07/2026Next time you go in for your annual review, make sure you ask for more compensation in the form of kisses. If kisses can not be provided then trident layers is fine. 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 02/07/2026Big shout-out to the trans woman working at Ulta that helped me find a moisturizer/exfoliater for like $25. 010
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 21/06/2026The word can't be illegal if nobody knows how to spell it 040
Reposted by MartyMarty @martytix.bsky.social · 09/08/2025I will never forgive the unreal engine for its crimes against storage space 011
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 20/06/2026Action movie scene where the main character takes out a bad guy with a tacticool m4 and throws it on the ground for the dead guys AK. 010
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 12/06/2026"It appears the fans in Carolina tonight are chanting for Bussy" "You can't blame em John, Bussy has saved my life more than once" 000
Marty @martytix.bsky.social · 10/06/2026There are more trees than people, there are more guns than people. We give every tree a gun... 000
Reposted by MartyKaido Genkai: An Anime Racing RPG @kaidogenkai.com · 03/06/2026👏 Thank you! www.kickstarter.com/projects/kai...kickstarter.comKaido Genkai: An Anime Racing RPGAn open-world, cel shaded racing adventure set in a fictional 90s Japanese countryside. 1103
Reposted by MartyNY Times Pitchbot @nytpitchbot.bsky.social · 03/06/2026“I’m Kid Rock.” “I’m Naomi Wolf.” “I’m Kanye West.” “I’m Matt Taibbi.” “I’m Catturd. Those stories, plus Rob Schneider, tonight on 60 Minutes.” 18486481806
Reposted by MartyJane @jane.meangirls.online · 19/05/2026repost James Handlefini for one year of good luck 2579256