I guess it’s not the Nicky Campbell from ITV’s Wheel of Fortune and BBC 5Live, then.
Mark Hillen
@markhillen.bsky.social
125 followers 406 following 795 posts
Equal mix of scientist, editor, and espresso.
Equal mix of scientist, editor, and espresso.
![[Scene is ICE CREAM VAN, a DAD and his child are at front of queue]
1
DAD [to kid]:
What would you like then darling?
2
DAD:
Would you like an ice cr-
ICE CREAM MAN:
Cut the crap.
3
DAD:
Sorry?
ICE CREAM MAN:
Let’s stop pretending, yeah?
4
ICE CREAM MAN:
*You* want an ice cream, don’t ya.
5
ICE CREAM MAN:
You, a grown adult, want an ice cream.
6
ICE CREAM MAN:
A special ice cream with spwinkles and a choccy bar pushed into the top, just for you.
7
ICE CREAM MAN:
To eat in the street. In your *forties*.
8
ICE CREAM MAN:
You pretend you’re here for your kids, but it’s always for you.
9
ICE CREAM MAN:
I’ve given up appealing to kids with cartoon characters on my van
10
Just drawn creepy pictures of *your* favourites instead
11
[Show the side of his van with a weird airbrushed painting on the side. It depicts the hideous, badly drawn, distorted faces of Fiona Bruce, Alastair Campbell, Rory Stewart, Micah Richards, Richard Ayoade and Noel Gallagher]
12
DAD:
Is that… Fiona Bruce?
ICE CREAM MAN:
You love her.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreie7vqaoo6ctjkeoxe2as5asbrxdilxahzes5qonzqjfd6tlvr5z44)
