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LaughsLast

@laughslast.bsky.social
342 followers 112 following 1.6K posts

I write very serious movie reviews that contain absolutely no jokes whatsoever letterboxd.com/Laughslast

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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 6h
Sure, it would make more sense if he was advising on something he was an actual expert in. But Trump doesn't need any help forgetting his kids' names.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
To be honest, I thought my "get a half day for everyone by luring a coyote into the office" plan would play out a lot better. Live and learn.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Saw a news story bragging about how Elon Musk "generously" donated 480,350$ to schools in Flint, Michigan. I was so inspired, I am giving an equal percentage of my net worth as well. I will be donating 0.0049% of a cent.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
I am not joking when I say this. Sex with men, women, and humans in general is over. Fleshlights are very, very good. You don't know yet because all fleshlights circulating today are from 2 - 3 generations ago. Suno v6 pro et al has solved infinite personalized orgasms.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Do you think the people who made the Folgers incest commercial keep that on there resume?
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Bill Mudron @mudron.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
It's a shame that Jeffrey Epstein died before we could have fixed everything by asking him to write a short essay saying he was sorry.
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Astreia @redoubters.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I made a venn diagram of people who complained about the line "our age of bronze it collapsing" and people who unironically enjoy terrible AI viking hip-hop where literally every "song" contains the line "viking hip-hop"
It's a single circle.
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Monica @softtail65.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Lol 😅🎶🤣
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
this is wrong for several reasons, chief among them the fact that at least one person is on record saying L. Ron Hubbard was good at sex
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buy my book @nmamatas.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
The third Dawn Seliger* story, "Let Us Create Nothing but GOD!" will appear in Through a Glass Darkly: An Anthology of Occult Investigations, Chris Kelso and Preston Grassmann, eds., in the first half of2027.
Mock up of a thick book in forest green with a darkly expressionist bit of cover art suggestive of a landscape. Artist unknown, at least to me.
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Michelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
The term “domestic housewife” implies that there are "feral housewives" and now I have a new career goal.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Vivek Ramaswamy looks like the villain in an Adam Sandler movie.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Resident Evil (2026) was so scary, you'll pee your pants. If you're not comfortable with that, you'll just have to pee someone else's. boxd.it/gsKsAX
boxd.it
A ★★★★★ review of Resident Evil (2026)
In a world of Resident Evil (Paul W. S. Anderson), be a Resident Evil ( Zach Cregger). I can't believe it took this long for someone to make a movie adaptation of a famous horror franchise and actuall...
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Cops should have to watch a 30 second, unskippable ad for Jerry car insurance every time they look at someone's data on Flock.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Do guys who are 5'8 realize the potential they are wasting by not listing their height as 4'20?
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Michelle @michelleroy78.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I've obviously goofed! I meant to have watched and reviewed all the Resident Evil movies BEFORE the Zach Cregger adaptation came out. Thankfully no one reads my reviews or gives a shit about anything I do! Phew! Dodged a bullet there! boxd.it/gq5tYr
boxd.it
A ★★ review of Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)
It's truly impressive the way that they somehow managed to fit seven 45 minute long fight scenes into a 96 minute long movie. Don't get me wrong, I love a good extended fight scene/shoot out as much a...
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Taylor Moore @taylordotbiz.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Exxon is now predicting 2.5-3 degrees of warming by 2050. That’s the end of global human civilization as we know it. Until then? We podcast.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Fun fact: Scientists have discovered that green pills work 45% better than pills of any other color. This be because green is the healthiest color. Follow me for more amazing science facts.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Being a millennial is exhausting. When we die, we don't just have to pay the ferryman, we have to tip him at least 20% AND give him 5 stars.
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Low Quality Facts @lowqualityfacts.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
A Neo-Nazi is a Nazi who equally loves fascism and The Matrix.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I totally get why Donald Trump still seems obsessed with Barack Obama. It makes total sense. Obama DID gun down both of Trump's parents outside a theatre when he was a child.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
If you ever hear someone say "I am going to kill myself if I see one more ad for Jerry car insurance." You only have about 5 minutes to say your goodbyes.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
We need to bring back the CLASSICAL warrior ethos of the ancient Greeks. Soldiers fight better when they want to protect their sexy little twink bunk mates. Of course, the military's olive oil budget will sky rocket.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I feel like those reporters who "interviewed" Tilly Norwood just got a taste of what it's like to have a job where your boss tells you that someone shit on the bathroom floor and you are the one who has to clean it up.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Just because i have a sensitive stomach, it does NOT mean I shit my pants all the time. Ok?! Lots of people go home and change pants on their lunch break. It's normal!
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Fun fact: If the police try to arrest you, anything you take off of their belt is yours to keep. Follow me for more interesting legal facts.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Witnesses reported hearing him mutter, "it was so hot down there. They let me come back if I promised to send them a thousand innocent souls."
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I thought it would be cute, ok! Everyone loooved that dang video of the rabbit that hands people their change. I was trying to help!
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Great news everyone! I had a minor surgery this week and it went really well! The bad news is that the lingering effects of the drugs they gave me have turned my movie reviews into the incoherent ramblings of a deeply unwell mind... I mean, you know, more so than usual. boxd.it/gjNEmN
boxd.it
A ★★ review of Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
This series is starting to take it's toll on me. My heart hurts. My teeth are all loose. Sometimes it sounds like a phone is ringing for hours on end. I keep blacking out and waking up covered in choc...
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
So you need at least 10 different subscriptions to stream every NFL game this season? Cool, awesome. That's definitely not the dumbest thing ever.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I feel like Gal Gadot is the closest we'll ever get to a real life Brick Tamland.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
You guys think I should cancel my trip to Utah Valley University?
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Slept weird last night and woke up with a horrible pain in my neck. I think this is probably the worst thing to ever happen to a neck on any September 10th in history!
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Fun fact: Between 1775 and 1891, women sat on the toilet side saddle. Follow me for more amazing history facts.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Arkansas is trying to summon the vengeful spirit of Dolly Parton. Maybe they think she will do their bidding. But she will tear their state asunder.
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Robert Evans (the Only Robert Evans) @iwriteok.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I would enjoy a crossover that starts with them dining together and then, through a series of misadventures, each is forced to take up the opposite character's mystery. So Benoit Blanc has to batter his way through a bunch of redneck cops and Jack Reacher has to outsmart a murderous plutocrat.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
I'm sorry, but can someone tell me what it the name of Jesus titty fucking Christ did Tubi do to this movie thumbnail? It looks like a stoner buddy comedy.
The tubi movie poster for the movie Enemy at the Gates. It looks WRONG! Wrong wrong wrong. You have to trust me, it's wrong and bad. There used to be an old one that was better? What happened to it? Maybe we'll never know.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Did I steal this joke? There's no way no one else thought of this, right?
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Helen doesn't want to be fed. Helen wants to hunt.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
Both the turn signals on my car are not working. I can afford to fix it, so I am just going to slap a couple of Kansas City Chiefs stickers on the bumper. That way no one will expect me to know what the lever next to the steering wheel is for in the first place.
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Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
A bottom leans over exposing himself to a partner and says "my asshole is actually a poretal to another location." The top says "cool... where does it end up?" The bottom replies "My buddy Dave's house." We cut to Dave quietly reading in his living room. A penis materializes out of thing air. Dave looks up with a smile and says "hey alright, Patrick's gettin' laid."
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Joshua Eaton @joshuaeaton.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
“There’s a new Mr. Beast book.” You bolt awake in your workshop in Mainz. It’s 1450. You’re Johannes Gutenberg, and you’ve changed your mind. The future cannot come to pass. Your printing press must burn.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
"SELECT YOUR OWN DOWN PAYMENT AND MONTHLY PAYMENT!" How bad is the economy when spending 11 years paying off a 2009 Kia Sorento is considered a selling point?
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Some are saying it's my worst written review of all time! But I say it's my worst written review SO FAR! boxd.it/g6Xi5X
boxd.it
A ★½ review of Resident Evil: Extinction (2007)
I saw this movie when it came out. I remember not really liking it. But even the worst movies can benefit from being revisited years later with fresh eyes and a new point of view. I know a lot of peop...
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Very sad to hear about the passing of my favorite rapper BIG Will Fake My Own Death, best known for his hit song, I Have Multiple Fake IDs and Pass Ports 😩 He will be missed by his friends, family, and many creditors.
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LaughsLast @laughslast.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Considering how much foot washing there is in the bible, it's amazing that Quentin Tarantino hasn't made a movie about Jesus.
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Thought Slime’s monster @slimemildred.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
Very affirming that the more femme I present, the more people confidently make corrections to my jokes.
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