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Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene.bsky.social
5.7K followers 1K following 581 posts

Writer, satirist, chronically online. Currently @ Buzzfeed. Work in The Hard Times, Hard Drive, Weekly Humorist, The Belladonna Comedy, Slackjaw, etc. New Substack post every Friday (TMI - Too Much Internet). linktr.ee/kelleygreene

PostsRepliesMedia
Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
nothing makes me feel closer to my husband than when we have an event planned and i admit i don't want to go and he says neither does he and then we skip it
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
it's almost time
George Costanza "soup mode" meme, but it's been altered to say "I gotta focus. I'm shifting into Survivor mode."
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
me: the water bottle can't be dirty bc it's only had water in it the water bottle:
Elizabeth Holmes meme
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
The Atlantic @theatlantic.com · 12/09/2026
The White House has removed a Tetris-inspired game called “Build the Wall” from its arcade website over a copyright dispute. Kelley Greene and Emily Bressler imagine the games the White House should actually put in its arcade: theatln.tc/6LrC7fNT
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
The Atlantic @theatlantic.com · 12/09/2026
The White House has removed a Tetris-inspired game called “Build the Wall” from its arcade website over a copyright dispute. Kelley Greene and Emily Bressler imagine the games the White House should actually put in its arcade:
bit.ly
Mario-a-Lago Kart, Anyone?
The White House made a bunch of parody video games. We have more suggestions.
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Very excited to share my debut in The Atlantic today 😎
theatlantic.com
Mario-a-Lago Kart, Anyone?
The White House made a bunch of parody video games. We have more suggestions.
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
Johnny @doctorvenkman.com · 09/09/2026
Turns out having a stroke is expensive, especially if you’re laid off and reliant on ACA healthcare. If you’re in the market for some commons and uncommons I have a shop open on Mana Pool now and every little bit I make helps manapool.com/shop/venkmans
manapool.com
Venkman’s Shop
Shop MTG cards and sealed products from Venkman’s on Mana Pool.
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
starbucks makes a delicious pumpkin spice foam to go on top of their iced chai and then 90% of it gets enjoyed by the underside of the lid
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
@kmaiolatesi.bsky.social and I ate mushy bread so you don’t have to. Our review of Panera Bread’s Salad Stuffers is up in @mcsweeneys.net today: www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/pan...
mcsweeneys.net
Reviews of New Food: Panera Bread Salad Stuffers
“You’re left wondering not whether you can eat this, but whether you can finish it before it becomes a heaping pile of lettuce-filled mush.”
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
The moon looks incredible tonight 😍
A reddish moon against a dark sky over a brick building A close-up photo of the moon, it is impartial eclipse and the bottom 2/3 are dark red and the top 1/3 is bright white 
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
Nick Coffman @nickcoffman.com · 13/08/2026
Starting a new project soon, but before I do that I'm going to start highlighting some of the tracks from M&M. Visit Missouri was part of my SNL packet from 2025. It features one of my many siblings, my wife, and @kelleygreene.bsky.social. Full album here: nickcoffman.bandcamp.com/album/memoir...
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Sox be with you
A woman in a white sox jersey wearing a white Sox themed Pope hat in the bleachers at the stadium 
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
this week on the substack i'm talking cyclosporiasis body scrub, bryan johnson's freezer, and horrifying robots with horns
kelleygreene.substack.com
Weiner Cake
Internet round-up for the week of July 27, 2026
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
Johnny @doctorvenkman.com · 28/07/2026
The company my wife has been freelance designing for just announced layoffs and was told to "take the day off". That income is all that's been keeping our heads above water while I'm unemployed. This seems like a great time to promote my patreon and ask for your support. 🧵of highlight episodes
patreon.com
Culture Dumpster — Writing stories and hanging out on the internet
Get more from Culture Dumpster on Patreon. Writing stories and hanging out on the internet. Support Culture Dumpster and get exclusive access to their work.
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
i just wanted the rest of the lyrics, clanker
Google search for "do you ever feel like a plastic bag" and the resulting AI response is "No, I am a computer program"
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
Kat Tenbarge @kattenbarge.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
People are making fun of AOC for having a slight southern accent while speaking in Memphis but they clearly don’t know the pain of habitually and unconsciously imitating the speaking style of the people around you
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Apple you’re so right I definitely want to “ha ha” on my OWN message that’s not even the one I selected but instead the one I just sent
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
idk if it's just me but nothing has ever made me crave a salad more than being told i shouldn't eat one
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
The “brief but sudden illness”:
Bagged salad
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Don’t worry guys I’m hearing Scott Jennings just talked to Lindsey Graham on the phone for 20 minutes
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
just in case anyone's feeling bad about mitch mcconnell — doing whatever horrible thing it takes to steal a political seat is what he would have wanted
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
My @mcsweeneys.net debut, just in time for the 4th of July. Bush's Rocket Pop Flavored Baked Beans www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/bus...
mcsweeneys.net
Reviews of New Food: Bush’s Rocket Pop Flavored Baked Beans
“In honor of the semiquincentennial, Bush’s bravely posed an important question: What if a saccharine, icy dessert were also beans?”
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
mr president, if you can hear me: KC is days away from creating a nuclear weapon #loveisland #loveislandusa
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
corbin under the sheets #loveisland #loveislandusa
corbin from love island's head very poorly photoshopped onto a DJ
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
Me voting: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me seeing the results of the vote: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck. #loveislandusa
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
websites should not be allowed to email me if i just went by for a lil browse!!!!!
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
Culture Dumpster @culturedumpster.com · 29/05/2026
The wonderful @kelleygreene.bsky.social returns to the show once again to regale me with the living nightmare that is Bryan Johnson's quest for immortality.
patreon.com
The Bryan Johnson Files 004 with Kelley Greene | Culture Dumpster
The Bryan Johnson Files 004 with Kelley Greene by Culture Dumpster on Patreon. Join Culture Dumpster's community for exclusive content and updates.
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
why does every item these days come with a USB cable and no power brick? i'm supposed to plug my waterpik into my computer?
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
The Picture of Doriane Gros @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
Mr Krabs talked a lot of shit for a guy who basically owned 1 McDonald's.
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Reposted by Kelley Greene
The Hollywood Time$ @hwoodtimes.com · 28/04/2026
DTF St. Louis Inspires Suburban Dads to Try Friendship Guest scoop by @kelleygreene.bsky.social www.hwoodtimes.com/scoops/dtf-s...
hwoodtimes.com
DTF St. Louis Inspires Suburban Dads to Try Friendship — Hollywood Time$
From a bush in the outskirts of Twyla, Missouri, I can confirm that the miniseries DTF St. Louis is inspiring rural suburban dads to try something completely novel: friendship. Cynthia McGill, a Twyla...
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
😎
A woman sitting at a table, the onion logo is on the brick wall behind her
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 15/04/2026
i am announcing my pivot to becoming an AI company. please give me money
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 15/04/2026
🔥
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
what the hell did i do to my youtube algorithm
A video titled "Chernobyl Simulation (No Talk)"
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
darth vader if he slayed
Movie poster for The Devil Wears Prada featuring Emily Blunt on a large staircase; she is wearing a black dress, black leather gloves, and part of her dress is long like a cape
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
trump: "a whole civilization will die tonight" chicago: seems like a good time to test the warning system siren and scare the shit out of our residents
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Happy Easter!
hard-drive.net
Jesus Re-Release Widely Panned for Lack of Physical Media
JERUSALEM — An updated version of Jesus has been re-released after only three days, but many followers are unhappy with the lack... Continue this tale
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 03/04/2026
Tom campaigning tonight #houseofvillains
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
toilet is broken in my apartment and they're replacing it. haven't had to pee all day until this exact second of course
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
i wouldn't be getting any sleep in here out of fear of him bursting through again in the night
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 06/03/2026
why is spotify so hell bent on showing me videos now
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 02/03/2026
there are no words to describe the feeling of nostalgic calm that washed over me as i listened to the scrubs theme song for the first time in 15 years
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
plot twist: he's solar powered
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
looking forward to the vid of him and the liver king doing push ups in the sauna
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
everyone keeps saying how bad apple's search is now and i searched "spotify" on my computer and it brought up a ton of unrelated stuff and i was like MY GOD IT'S SO BAD WOW AWFUL TERRIBLE and then i realized i forgot to install it when i wiped my computer 2 wks ago. okay that one's on me i guess
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 16/02/2026
hey i did a unicycle class last year and i didn't even break anything (do not ask about the bruises)
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
talkin' bryan johnson, lego shoes, and cows over on the substack this week
kelleygreene.substack.com
It Follows
Internet round-up for the week of January 19, 2026
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
if i send you this it means for shurr
Sunglasses-clad Emanuel Macron
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Kelley Greene @kelleygreene.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
the guy i always end up standing behind at concerts
Ser Duncan the Tall in a crowd
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