iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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mattie lubchansky @mattielubchansky.com · 17/03/2025

why does everyone hate my car | patreon.com/lubchansky

PANEL 1: A GUY behind the wheel of a car. He squints. A speech bubble comes from an earbud in his ear.
GUY: Huh that's weird.
VO: What's up?

PANEL 2: The GUY looks baffled.
GUY: Oh, everyone outside is flipping me off and booing?
GUY: I'm just a normal guy, going to work!

PANEL 3: A shot of the car from the outside at a stop sign. It's got a big middle finger on the top, and a huge sign on top of it that says FUCK EVERYONE WHO IS NOT ME! A GUY ON THE SIDEWALKis giving it a thumbs down.

PANEL 4: The GUY, crying.
GUY: Why are they being so mean to me?!

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The Onion @theonion.com · 14/03/2025

Chuck Schumer Helps Pull Democrats Back From Brink Of Courage

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 02/03/2025

Sinus infection ain't fucking around I'm ready, get drilling, funnel doc

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 27/02/2025

yet another day on this cursed grey earth that we haul our carcasses out of bed, and who is to blame? this ASSHOLE who hauled his scaly ass out of the water. today, as a treat, flip off this stupid fish and tell him to get back in the water. you deserve it.

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

@sassymcassface.bsky.social is my home-boy, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boYy.

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

There's no greater feeling on earth than going over to a friend's house and their "mean cat who hates everyone" is excited to see you

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 07/02/2025

thAT ramEN flavOR thAT yOU lIKe iS coMINg bACK iN stYLe

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dave @gloomfather.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

Hey man sorry to hear about all your political turmoil. Would it help if I scrolled around on the computer all day and drove myself insane?

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 28/01/2025

Watch these AI obsessed techbros go butlerian jihad now that China dunked on them.

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eve6 @eve6.bsky.social · 21/01/2025

Getting a kick out of the people pretending a "my heart goes out to you" salute is a normal thing that exists

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

My favorite part of Nosferatu (2024) was when he put on the sunglasses and said "CALL THAT PUSSY THE MATRIX, BECAUSE I'M IN THIS BITCH AND I CAN'T GET OUT."

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

I HIT THE VAPE WHEN IT TASTE LIKE AOL DIAL-UP

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 15/12/2024

I put cherry mio in my green tea, them hellraiser demons can't show me shit

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 14/12/2024

All year, I see things I want but can't waste money on, big sad, constant craving. As soon as December 1st hits and somebody asks what I want for Xmas, I am without material desire, I am fucking Siddhartha, I am enlightened, no thoughts head empty.

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 11/12/2024

Luigi Mangione: "I think I'll have a sandwich." The Ghost of Gavrilo Princip: "NO! FUCK! GET OUT OF THERE! DON'T GO FOR THE SANDWICH! RUN!"

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 03/12/2024

If musk buys hasbro, I'm switching to Pathfinder.

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 02/12/2024

I woke up to a beautiful day in America, hearing that Hunter Biden was pardoned for the """crime""" of having a big hog and doing a little crack. LET FREEDOM RING!!!

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soul nate @mnateshyamalan.bsky.social · 27/11/2024

don’t think people really understand how bad RFK jr. leading the HHS will actually be but unfortunately it will also be hilarious. like imagine a clown in your living room honking his nose, then dumping your grandma’s ashes on the carpet

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

Had roundtable critique for that short story, basically was just me doing the Jack Nicholson nod gif while the zoomers listed off all the upsetting subtext I hid in my silly little horror story.

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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 21/11/2024

every boxing movie is basically about this transformation

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Chef Kennedy🐸🏳️‍🌈 @kennedy.northsky.social · 19/11/2024

How I pitch bluesky to people:

headline: Witches and Satanists have teamed up with leftists to destroy America

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 20/11/2024

honestly I'm fine with lack of editability here living with my (many, extensive, well-documented, embarrassing) mistakes is like exposure therapy or something deep & insightful like that totally not going to delete my account if I hit post with the wrong "your" one time

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Taylor Lorenz @taylorlorenz.bsky.social · 17/11/2024

I feel like we all just picked Bluesky and didn’t even give MILF Messenger a chance

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spooky lilli @toomanymouths.bsky.social · 18/11/2024

“does clippy the paper clip possess buddha-nature" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 18/11/2024

I wrote my first short story after talking shit for 20 gd years and I don't even care if it's dogshit I did the damn thing. Now if only I could stop picking at it.

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 16/11/2024

i simply must be the most esoteric himbo at this child's birthday party

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 16/11/2024

This is Ted. Ted is not my cat, but I specifically visit my parents every week just to hang out with Ted.

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Cigarette Crab @jameseldred.bsky.social · 16/11/2024

I was bad at twitter & never used it and now I'm v excited to be bad at this & never use it

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