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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 17/07/2026

Lot's of educators very keen to shut down parents having an opinion on schools despite never being a teacher Wonder how many had an opinion on England's football team despite never being a football manager 🤔

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/06/2026

Of all the slides I've put together, this is the one that seems to be the most requested In a world where so many want to see behaviour as simple It's great that this is landing and is getting put up in staff rooms

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 19/01/2026

open.substack.com/pub/changing... Listening to @mrjamesob.bsky.social last week talking about why young people are NEET last week, I felt I needed to organise my own thoughts on it. We seem more comfortable with blame than acknowledging the complexity of the issue, especially the role of schools

open.substack.com

Why are so many children NEET

The elephant in the room

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Reposted by Graham Chatterley

Crown House Publishing @crownhousepub.bsky.social · 28/11/2025

@grahamchatterley.bsky.social, author of #ChangingPerceptions, is now on Substack! Be sure to subscribe for useful guidance on building strong relationships between schools & parents of children with #SEND, plus practical advice on treating those parents with empathy & understanding:

buff.ly

Bridging the Gap between Schools and SEND Parents

Does Lonely do it justice?

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

Vulnerability is not a weakness and empathy is the master key for working WITH parents, we have to stop the punitive and dismissive doing TO if we ever want things to get better

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

But this training was inspired by a podcast conversation here I shared more of my personal journey. I think it's going to be my best. It also comes at a time when parent/school relationships are on a knife edge

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

It's an emotional session for everyone, especially me I've always shared snippets of my SEND parent experience in my training before, especially in more specialist settings

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...And finally we seek to best understand the journey of the SEND parent, a journey to acceptance that passes through denial, blame, anger, lost relationships and isolation

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...These parents are extremely vulnerable to FB groups etc that will become echo chambers that can make our lives hell. Seems harsh but we can prevent it or we can moan about it...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

... Often, attack is the best form of defence, many of these parents have been fighting professionals for their children non stop Validation is everything, and if we don't give it they will seek it elsewhere...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...This meant time was spent to focus on regulation and de-escalation is just as important for adults as it is for children, and needs a foundation of emotional safety and trust. This is very rarely achieved by authority...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...When we perceive someone has hurt our child (rightly or wrongly) is an extremely high (potentially unrealistic) expectation to expect immediate rational and logical behaviour Shutting parents down for being emotionally dysregulated is a cop out...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...Through the social discipline window to understand where development gaps are coming from and why it's more complex than just poor parenting To the fact that these are our babies, expectations of rational, logical, "good" behaviour...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...We acknowledged that we can't connect on an experiences level with them, but that doesn't mean we can't connect We found ways to validate parents, even when we disagree with them, even when we can't achieve or give them what they want How?...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...We got there by having the vent, by offloading those frustrations, by throwing out the blame, and then by working it through from a place of curiosity We never excused any behaviours but we did seek explanations...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

...One which started from a place of frustration, hopelessness, and if honest (which they were) some assumption and blame. Believing that relationships were unrepairable To a place of empathy, understanding and hope. With a new desire to rebuild and work 'WITH'...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 05/10/2025

I delivered my first session of my new training on Understanding and Supporting Parental Challenge and SEND Parents in Liverpool this week (working title) Rarely have I experienced a bigger energy shift in a room....

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Reposted by Graham Chatterley

connected baby @connectedbaby.bsky.social · 30/06/2025

Two features in our new newsletter from Scotland's ACEs Action Community. You can sign up to receive it on: connectedbaby.net/scotlands-ac... @drpam.bsky.social @anam-alba.bsky.social @grahamchatterley.bsky.social @margl24.bsky.social @lynburnnurture.bsky.social @alexrenton.bsky.social

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 01/06/2025

It's interesting that someone who has consistently pushed negative reinforcement, and has no issues with publicly shaming children Doesn't think it motivates adults

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 31/05/2025

It's not about attention, it's about engagement. Michael Rosen uses his platform for good and abandoning that network created would be a waste It takes time to rebuild, it's not as simple as just switching over

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

Silent corridors is either a desperation response or a power trip

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

Absolutely, it's internal vs external But I think some really like the power

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

Is there a truer statement in education? If we view discipline simply as manipulating children to conform, we aren't teaching them anything other than survival strategies

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

...(Despite being in their house), wanted no feedback on staff, and ignored all concerns We need to stop allowing big care companies to give lip service to the Children's Act and profiteering from vulnerable children If the wellbeing of the child isn't paramount, they shouldn't work with them

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 24/05/2025

Had a meeting with the owner of a children's care organisation, I raised concerns that profit was being prioritised over the child's needs They got very defensive and offended by this, before confirming that they were a business, they didn't care about the rest of the child's family...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 22/05/2025

We seem to have forgotten somewhere that every child with an EHCP was once a child without one, most of which had a failed mainstream experience Every child in SEMH has a failed m/s experience If we only make reasonable adjustments post failure, its not the child's fault?

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Reposted by Graham Chatterley

Suzanne Zeedyk @suzannezeedyk.bsky.social · 26/04/2025

Here's yesterday's event in Leeds. #TheNextDecade Conference attracted more than 1100 delegates to talk about how we create truly relational cultures in schools. I felt delighted & relieved to be amongst such a large number of people who are committed to this vision.

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Reposted by Graham Chatterley

Whole Education @wholeeducation.bsky.social · 25/04/2025

We're at the @thenextdecadeuk.bsky.social Conference today, where the brilliant Matthew Syed is live on stage. A powerful keynote on humility, leadership and diversity in education💡📚 #IfNotUsWho #TheNextDecade #FutureOfEducation

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...11)then we need to be looking at the former These children don't need beating down, they need lifting up End

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...10)or are we training maladaptive survival strategies and compliance? If preparation for the real world is simply conforming then the latter will "work" If preparation for the real world is about independence, positive relationships, innovation, resilience and happiness...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...9) not punishing them is just excusing the behaviour, right? Excuses/explanations Tolerance/acceptance We can argue about words all day long, it's the intention that counts Are we teaching the skills to grow impulse control, emotional regulation and independence?...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...8)now what if the underdeveloped frontal cortex is due to trauma? No medical diagnosis? No protection from an EHCP? This child has all the behaviours but none of the explanations? Are we curious? Or do we just label them as 'choosing poor behaviour'?...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...7)we need safety and trust to grow a frontal cortex, give them a chance in adulthood Fear grows maladaptive survival responses, shame and low self esteem. Might temporarily get them through school, but at what cost?

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...6) some will argue this is tolerating the behaviour and the only answer is to punish the behaviour "so they learn" Would they punish the seizure? We need acceptance, post incident learning, emotion coaching and restorative work We need the opposite of blame and shame...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...5) brain development is at a completely different place even under normal circumstances it's a completely unfair comparison but for ADHD spectacularly so It's our job to be curious, seek preventative strategies but to accept it sometimes goes wrong while they develop...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...4) sometimes it goes wrong When it does we respond with kindness, care and empathy Not blame shame and demonisation So many times I've heard these children compared to adults in their behaviour and it's nonsense...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...3)do we make excuses for the result of their conditions? Or do we see them as explanations? Do we punish them for something out of their control or do we seek ways to prevent? Do we have strict plans shared with everyone? But do we accept that sometimes despite everything...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 18/04/2025

...2) verbally or physically with no choice attached Is this really different to an autistic child having a seizure? A child with a bowel condition having an accident? A asthmatic child having an attack? A child with hay fever sneezing? Do we blame these children?...

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