Felix Bernoully
@felix-bernoully.de
170 followers 467 following 349 posts
Graphics at @ae.mpg.de || Felix at felix-bernoully.de || Opinions, rants, bad jokes & taste mine || He/him, ho/hum
Graphics at @ae.mpg.de || Felix at felix-bernoully.de || Opinions, rants, bad jokes & taste mine || He/him, ho/hum
![Scene is a Victorian drawing room; a group of gentlemen is assembled for a meeting. At the front of the room, stood at a large blackboard, is SIR JOHN LUBBOCK, the inventor of bank holidays. The board has a calendar drawn on it. Also in the room is a SMALL DOG sat on the floor.
1
LUBBOCK:
And so gentlemen, I, Sir John Lubbock, hereby announce
2
LUBBOCK:
The invention of ‘bank holidays’!
Legally protected days off work, for the whole nation to rest.
AUDIENCE:
CLAP CLAP CLAP
3
LUBBOCK (marking days on the calendar):
My first two bank holidays shall be at Easter...
and then another straight after in May...
4
LUBBOCK:
And then - what the hell - another one in May!
And then one in August!
AUDIENCE:
Hurrah!
5
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
So many, Sir John?
LUBBOCK (grabbing him by the lapel, his face ecstatic)
Life is for living, man!
6
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
And then in the Autumn, sir….?
7
[Lubbock looks sideways. He is distracted by the SMALL DOG. It has started scooting its bum across the floor]
8
LUBBOCK:
Ugh.
[his face has dropped, it's totally grossed him out]
9
LUBBOCK:
OK that'll do
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
What?
10
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Is that it? You’ve put loads in the summer…
LUBBOCK:
Yeah
no more bank holidays till Christmas.
11
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Sir - have you just condemned future generations to long winters of unalleviated toil... because you saw my dog scooting its arse and it killed your vibe?
12
LUBBOCK:
It's so gross
AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Rollo can’t help it!
[dog continues to scoot across floor]
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiabf3hhw7b35mdikzkfjgdhadqnge5zvvyrdaeu5ql4t24rmbqbni)
![A KRAZY KAT cartoon in four panels.
Panel 1
[Day, KRAZY and IGNATZ somewhere in Coconino County]
IGNATZ: "When is your birthday, simple?"
KRAZY: "My bird day ain't is – it's was"
Panel 2
IGNATZ: "Well, tell the date of your birthday."
KRAZY: "August 22"
Panel 3
IGNATZ: "Now, how often have you had a birthday?"
KRAZY: "Once."
Panel 4
[IGNATZ bends to pick up a BRICK, OFFISSA PUPP enters from stage left]
OFFISSA PUPP: "No no no. Not. Not."
IGNATZ: "N-no? Not even on his birth day?"
KRAZY: "L'il Super Mice — I wunda how many times he thinks I was born?"](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:mqt3uzq7c3iaser2nuddlelr/bafkreiag3k5lvbvqvclx4c7hlqnorgkb73unp5lczsowjglkax7o4tc27e)
![Scene is morning on a suburban street, a DAD, MUM and their four year old daughter LUCY are in their front garden, taking the first-day-of-school photo.
1
DAD:
OK stand by the hedge - smile Lucy!
2
[We see both daughter and dad as he takes the photo]
*Click*
3
[We see just the Dad looking at the photo he has just taken on his phone]
DAD:
No I’ll have to take it again… she blinked…
4 [Again we see both Lucy and dad as he takes the photo - but this time Lucy has grown bigger]
DAD: Smile Lucy!
*Click*
5
[Again we see just the Dad looking at the photo he has just taken on his phone]
DAD:
No I’ll have to take it again… she grew….
6 [Again we see both daughter and dad, but this time she is bigger still]
DAD: Smile Lucy!
*Click*
7
[Dad looking at phone again]
DAD: Nope. She grew again.
LUCY [From off-scene]:
*URRRRGH*
8
LUCY [Now a 6th-former]:
Of *course* I grew, dad!
I’m like, a *living organism* persisting through *time* in a constant state of *growth*?
9
DAD: Well yes, I know that darling
It’s just you seem to be doing it a bit *faster* today than -
VOICE FROM OFF-SCENE:
Awright babe
10 [We see a TEENAGE BOY, spotty, grinning, etc]
11 DAD: [looks shocked]
12
LUCY:
Take one of me and Kev, Dad!
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibro3szswljlnptyfhm2dnb7tn7s5sdxxxmmguhpns66d74efhpxa)
