iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 19h

My kids have been publishing a "family newspaper" with headlines like "Mom's Dinner: Pretty Good!!" etc and it's been very cute, but their latest issue is a searing expose on my five digit polymarket losses and it's dark, folks. I don't see a path back from this one. There might be only one option.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 13h

The last decade has been the Democrats clinging onto the rulebook going "but a dog can't play basketball!" while Air Bud is being torn apart by human hands in front of all the kids and makes unbroken eye contact with you specifically while it's going down

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

MY CUSTOM GTA GANG MEMBER: We gotta hit the high school auditorium Saturday. This local craft fair with all the painted pumpkins is popping. ME: No it has always been my dream to stay at home and safely masturbate. 🟡 Quest updated: A Weekend Without Hospitalization

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 15h

Bluesky is like a classroom. And the mods are like the teacher! We are like classmates, some of us are friends now and maybe some of us will be friends later. And like school students, we're all growing up and learning. And that's why, to me, Bluesky is a lot like a classroom! Thanks for listening.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 17h

In real life, being annoying as a gag can be pretty funny. But on the internet, esp here, you have to keep in mind that reading annoying replies is 95% of how anyone's time is spent. It is always the wrong instinct to reply with. Except for when you see me doing it all the time.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 19h

storming out of the DMV when it becomes evident from their snickering that it was NOT a "randomization coincidence" that my eight license plate letters spell out "BUTTLICE"

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 19h

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

greg2hats @cyberbadboy.com · 23/06/2024

I have seven toilets, one for each number on the Bristol stool chart, arranged like the circles of hell in the Inferno. And I will be your Virgil,

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 21h

Stop laughing about all the new kinds of diarrhea. There's nothing humorous about poop except that it comes out of the funniest secret hole in the body, and makes a loud burp we all hear a couple rooms away, and now it's not a rolled up log anymore but a big wet pudding that smells.

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

In anticipation of a future I pray will never come, I've written the following. Yes, even in tragedy, there is hope... mine is that this poem will heal the wounds that divide us. It is called "Elegy; or, The Fall".

ELEGY; or, The Fall

Down, down, our Titan fell,
Hands stretched outward through the air.
Behind him streaked a comet's tail,
A burning trail of flaxen hair.

A crowd of cooks around him swept
To catch his body as he flew,
But mortal hands to flesh divine
The firmest grasp they cannot do.

The finger tips grazed by the cloth
Of navy jacket, crimson tie.
They struggled for a place to hold,
But found no purchase for the try.

His head lurched forward, jutting out,
And aimed, it seemed, toward the oil
That bubbled in a fryolator.
Fate set its arc, our dreams to foil.

A deaf'ning roar erupted then.
A rush of liquid spurted high.
The boiling splashes struck the walls
With bits of flesh and bits of fry.

For blocks around, a cry was heard,
A mighty bellow, deep and proud.
A tear was pulled from every eye.
"Our Titan!" wailed each voice aloud.

That mane of hair, the shade of gold,
Bobbed limply in the basket's foam.
A cashier spoke, "Lord, if you hear me,
Guide our mighty Titan home."

A ring of workers, some as young
As sixteen, which the law allows,
Encircled there and touched his back,
And wept beneath their lowered brows.

Then broke apart the sobbing crowd.
The manager, whose shift was done,
Stepped forth and said, "Remark this ground
For on it lies our holy one."

That golden sheen now wet with oil
Atop his head was aptly chose,
For high above, upon the roof,
Two arches of its color rose.

And with it, rising, light as air,
A spirit that could never die.
To Heaven, to be too their King
Look now! O! How our Titan flies!

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 23h

just arrived in the mail and I HOOTED at the physical presentation of it. it plays a little prank on you if you are too stupid for french.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Republican candidate: I think for myself. I don't have to do what the president says, I can disagree with him-- Trump (tweeting): Everyone has to call Congress "Toilet" now! Republican candidate: --and that's why I'm running to be your next Toiletman

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

dives into the sand for a dramatic volleyball bump to win the game but the ref's whistle blows because my urethra is 15mm too long

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Imagine gatekeeping who gets to play sports. It's games for children. It's playing with a toy ball out of doors. Go decide which children can play marbles or jacks, you genius. Push over someone running with a stick and hoop. You are a stupid person.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

TOY STORY 5 ⭐ There was no reason for the movie to singularly focus on the fact Andy's dad was never seen because he was getting his pole nonstop slorped off and drizzling his mud all over town. The Andy saga ended years ago. PLEASE, Disney, give us more of wonderful Bonnie and her childhood toys!

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

rob @ok-but-still.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

oh good

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

You remember when you went to more than two websites. You probably wish you still did. I was late to reading swan boy and I'm still catching up but it's reminding me of when the corners of the internet hid fun things to show you instead of endless pain. Follow branson and read his comic. NOW

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Entering an age where I shout "What?? Shut the fuck UP" out loud, alone, at any notification. "Michael, you've scored double the cash back rewards on your debit card for the next seven days!" What?? Shut the FUCK up

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

TRINITY: Agents. URINAL: Load us in a big urinal to all piss in. NEO: No. Tank, get us outta here. URINAL: Override that command. Tank, unplug Trinity and Neo in the real world and load in a big disgusting urinal trough. I'm gonna let everything hang all out. MORPHEUS: (sotto voce) He's the One.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

WIFE: Date night! ME: I actually made an "agentic" AI to see movies with you. WIFE: But then it's not you… ME: No I programmed him to be exactly like me. AI VOICE: You are ABSOLUTELY allowed to use your popcorn as a bathroom to not miss the thrilling conclusion of "Digger". Call your manager NOW

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

FUCK I broke my 1500 day streak on my smart thermostat's daily jumble puzzle. The app is locking me out of adjusting my home temperature now because I'm out of gems. The word was SAVORY.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

STEPHEN FRY: Now, which of you can tell me, who was the inventor of the telephone? ANDREW DICE CLAY: Your mother's pussy. STEPHEN FRY: Still not correct, although your persistence on this note is particularly admirable. ALAN DAVIES: Howard Nokia. [alarm goes off]

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

ME: Hey honey how was your d— WIFE: (reels back from fruity breath) You've been eating skittles all day haven't you. Even though I went through the house and threw them all away? ME: ME: some of them rolled under the sleeper sofa

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

thrashing around in my milk bath the day before and being ignored shouting "p-pistachio! no! tree nuts! no tree nuts!"

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

kicking back with the boys and cracking open a cold one (vial of flu shot liquid we broke into cvs for during the pharmacist's lunch break to snort and get us mad high)

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Kill Tim Faust 💀 @tbone.malware-virus.biz · 07/10/2026

It’s so funny how Sarah Cooper was able to do a singular impression of Donald Trump—if you close your eyes it’s almost like *he’s* talking—but the cultural “America A” Left scorned her as “cringe” because her politics didn’t pass their purity test.

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

(unearthing 21st century condo) And here we see what's colloquially known as "a wife's bezoar". It was believed to bring women good luck as long as it could accumulate hair indefinitely, but it also brought a powerful curse on any man who dared remove it from the shower stall.

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

FORENSIC LAB TECH: (examining my skin and hair cells found under victim's fingernails) eew the killer seems nastay

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

FORENSIC LAB TECH: (examining my skin and hair cells found under victim's fingernails) eew the killer seems nastay

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Jason D. Salvagni @salvagni.org · 07/10/2026

h/t to @slack2thefuture.bsky.social for letting me know you can delete the "customer personalization" data in your Amazon account and enter anything you want. Like this.

Fucking with Amazon "customer personalization"

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Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I just easily gave birth without any pain or fuss. As a progressive, I truly hate to say it, but I think women have been Faking this whole time for attention.

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Reposted by Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Mike.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ @dumbmike.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Mike, we need you to sing the new Bond theme. It's called "Love is a Viper's Kiss" and you have to be wearing a veil and fingerless gloves when you perfectly sing it. Yes, a lot like Madonna. We know it is asking a lot, but, before you say no, it could save the world. Or even, maybe more than that…

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