BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 8hGet a big dish of beef chow mein? In this economy? 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 12/10/2026Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: I spilled Wite-out on it. 030
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 09/10/2026Good Charlotte's Waldorf Worldwide Web. Is this anything? 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Them: So what happens in this spooky season of the witch? Me: Um, maybe there's a rabbit in a ditch. Or, let's see, we pick up every stitch on our knitting projects. Them: Me: Beatniks? Ya know... beatniks trying to make it rich... *trails off* 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 06/10/2026Quietly sitting in the corner, watching Liberty Biberty go down on your spouse. 000
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusViktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 02/10/2026It was the fast of times, it was the furious of times 8550130
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusBaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 31/10/2025It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the most spooktacular of times. 011
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 01/10/2026logging on to recycle last year’s spooky jokes 710425
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026What do you call a cold cephalopod? Octobrrr 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 01/10/2026🎵Gimme the creep boys And save my soul I wanna get lost in your Minecraft hole 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 28/09/2026"Love Shack"? Baby, that's "Where It's At." It's got two turntables and a microphone. 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Was busy so not watching the Ravens game. But walked into a place that had it on the TV. Tied 31-31 with one second left, lining up for the game-winning field goal.static.klipy.comBaltimore Ravens Logo Flag WavingAlt: Baltimore Ravens Logo Flag Waving 001
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Friday: It really sucks that the Oceans Calling music festival was cancelled, but we're here and have the hotel, so at least we can spend a weekend together away from our kid. Saturday: Ah, I see that all the streets are underwater. 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The ocean called, it said fuck your music festival. ☹️ 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 23/09/2026It's dangerous to go alone. Take this. 020
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Without downloading new pics, describe your gender 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 20/09/2026The secret recipe is to leave it out for 10 minutes. 001
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Slimer from Ghostbusters, but instead of ectoplasm he covers everything in nacho cheese. 000
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusThe Mouthy Renegade Writer @mouthyrenegade.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Commercials for Pizza Rolls would be more realistic if they had the kids screaming in agony as they burned their mouths on the cheese filling. 53135983
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 13/09/2026I watched the cartoon movie Spellbound on Netflix. (spoilers) The king and queen are transformed into monsters by a magic spell, and the solution to break the spell and change back is to *checks notes* get a divorce? 000
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusMighoul Revenantparaz @wikiparaz.bsky.social · 11/09/2026PAUL: What’s in the box? REVEREND MOTHER: Pain. [PAUL hesitantly puts his hand in the BOX, then FROWNS IN CONFUSION. He pulls out A BAGUETTE.] REVEREND MOHER: Hōn hōn, 6277072029
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 09/09/2026The year is 2026. The world cries out for the next Blues Traveler. 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 09/09/2026It's dangerous to go alone. Take this. 011
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 07/09/2026logging on for attention from strangers 2219646
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Corn Flakes is short for Cornelius Flakenstein. Not many people know this. 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026It's dangerous to go alone. Take this. 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I want the fictional main character of the novel I'm writing to be relatable, so I'm giving them one defining flaw (posting bad on Bluesky) 011
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Tennis player Qinwen Zheng is currently playing at the US Open, and the closed captions on this TV have repeatedly spelled her name as "Ken Jeong." Must be some confused viewers. 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026No work today, but my real labor is posting banger after banger for no one to read. 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I'll do that thing you like (delete my posts) 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 06/09/2026Penis butt-turd and jelly aaaand post. 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 03/09/2026Bad news, I need to find time to bake a cake for my son who turns 9 today. Good news, I get to eat cake. 🎂 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 31/08/2026First day of 3rd grade. Kid has to fill out a sheet about himself. For favorite food, had to teach him how to spell paneer tikka masala. 000
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusJohn @johncnj.bsky.social · 28/08/2026An ‘opt out’ feature so that my posts don’t go viral seems pretty unnecessary to me, since I’ve been able to take care of that on my own by consistently sucking. 03011
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusTwoSense @twosense.bsky.social · 28/08/2026🎶And I said, "What about 2nd breakfast at Tiffany's?"🎶 1420659
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusash @ashhull.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Answering the knock at my front door of my house by yelling OCCUPIED. 7324107
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Everyone is dumb. Except for you. You're ok. 000
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusJesse Raub @jesseraub.online · 14/08/2026typing “every time i fart it blows my penis into the air like a trumpeting elephant” into bluesky while my two and half year old across the room confidently stuffs six micro machines into his mouth 528737
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 14/08/2026BREAKING: 45-year-old man feels joy at finally taming every breed of cat in Minecraft 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 10/08/2026They took all the cheese And put 'em in a cheese museum. And they charged the people a dollar and a half to eat them. 010
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 10/08/2026Come mister tally-man Tally me banana 6 foot, 7 foot, 8 foot ropes 144
Reposted by BaltimoreOctopusI'm Uni :3 @unicouniuni3.bsky.social · 08/08/2026Today is International Cat Day. May all cats be happy 119129622620
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 06/08/2026🎵 Country roads Take me home To the looooove shack Love shack baby 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 05/08/2026static.klipy.comAlf in a TuxedoAlt: Alf in a Tuxedo gives ok sign 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 02/08/2026Matt Damon turns to look straight at the camera. "Our Bronze Age is collapsing." *slow wink* 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Butter? In this economy? Wait, it's not? Nevermind, carry on. 000
BaltimoreOctopus @baltimoreoctopus.bsky.social · 31/07/2026In Soviet Russia, butter can't believe it's not YOU. 000
