propublica.org
These Judges Take Months to Decide If Immigrants Have Been Unlawfully Detained
Judges in some parts of the country have taken months to adjudicate immigrants’ claims of unlawful imprisonment, our analysis of 70,000 habeas petition cases found. Some detainees are asking to be dep...
![Jailors were forbidden to move prisoners from one prison to another or out of the country to evade the writ. In case of disobedience jailers would be punished with severe fines which had to be paid to the prisoner.[5][6]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:egd33s7iuqsmwlwab6mbtrqi/bafkreieocoa2jelvyioyspfyjhchhj6lqvjgxf6vm73l4mamvtls72tzmq)
![Photo of a physical copy of an Onion article. Headline “My Great-Grandparents Immigrated The Right Way By Killing 2 Americans And Assuming Their Identity”
It might surprise you given my politics, but I have no problem with immigrants. Personally, I think America should welcome anyone who crosses our borders to make a better life for them-selves. However, people who enter this country should do so through the proper channels. It's that simple. If you want to come here, do it the way my great-grandpar-ents did: by murdering a pair of American citizens and assuming their identities.
The problem today is that everybody wants to skip the line. They don't want to put in the hard work of picking the perfect, fully legal citizen whom they can poison or bludgeon to death before pretending to be that person for the purpose of entering the United States. But they should. There are established procedures, and if you want to come here, but can't even be bothered to memorize the name, birth dates, and Social Security numbers of two innocent Americans before brutally strangling them and disposing of their bodies, then, frankly, you haven't earned a place in this majestic country of ours.
Like millions before and since, my great-grandparents wanted their piece of the American dream.
But they did it the right way. They befriended John and Dorothy Reed, a wealthy and unsuspecting couple from Iowa who were vacationing in Germany, and they slit their throats, buried them in the Black Forest, took their passports, and boarded the next steamship to New York.
No shortcuts. No excuses. No
looking back.
My ancestors-Oskar and Inge Grünewald as they were known before they they were Grandpa Jack and Grandma Dotty to us-arrived in America cold and hungry, with nothing but the clothes on their backs and the identities of the two Americans they had snuffed out. They knew their path to citizenship would be hard.
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