Jeffrey Rowland
@wigu.org
4.9K followers 345 following 2.8K posts
I'm Jeffrey Rowland! Fancy businessman @topa.to. Generative AI is unnecessary and harmful. Available for private parties and events. Owner of 60+ chairs. He/Him Patreon: wigu.club wigucomics.com/ also dollmilk.com/ oh and www.topatoco.com
![Weedmaster P: Americans can't build a car that stays together or a shoe that costs less than ten thousand dollars but boy howdy we sure can build one hell of an internet huh Jeffrey: Yeah. Jeffrey: America invented the internet because they were afraid Russia would drop bombs on us from outer space. [[A bomb falls]] Weedmaster P: Maybe some hype shit will get made because of the global war on terrors Jeffrey: A vast computer network that believes in "evil", costs a billion dollars an hour and says the same 5 phrases over and over. {{Underneath}} Instead of showing you pictures of cats Internet 5.0 will question your patriotism](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:5onccce6xnadm5ooqeratqe4/bafkreiab2egdxb5hjeawe3c3ijdkroicl2jpplnps6qghbyo6fcbca5wha)
![Jeffrey: Weedmaster P, I been wonderin'... are you a "butts-man" or a "boobs-man"? Weedmaster P: BUTTS, MAN BIG OL JUICY ROUND BUTTS SHAKIN LIKE THEY'RE DRIVIN DOWN A DIRT ROAD Jeffrey: Ha ha! I tricked you! Butts are the part of the body that poops come out of! I bet you like poops, too! Weedmaster P: SHUT UP YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING Jeffrey: Poop-liker! [[Weedmaster P runs home and cries like a sissy into a pillow.]] Weedmaster P: RRRR NNNNN](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:5onccce6xnadm5ooqeratqe4/bafkreiai6w4wajoripozhjzkfew3t4c3ye4o2ae75yjp5oovibr25rgdlu)
![Weedmaster P: According to legend if you catch a live eagle on the 4th of July you get to have one day where you can do whatever you want and not get arrested. Jeffrey: If there's even a googol to one chance that what you say is true, NOT trying to catch an eagle is the /dumbest thing you could possibly do./ [[Jeffrey is sitting on a branch with an American apparel box propped up on a stick]] Jeffrey: Okay when the eagle crawls under the box to get the food you pull the string... wait, what do eagles eat anyway? Maybe we should "ask Jeeves." Weedmaster P: They eat fuckin hot dogs and shit man what do you /think/ they eat [[Eagle approaches box]] Jeffrey: He's goin' for it! Pull the string! Weedmaster P: I can't it's stuck Eagle: <<Nom nom nom>> [[Eagle passes out]] <<PLOP>> [[Jeffrey is holding eagle to ground]] Jeffrey: It's still technically alive! Hurry, call the government! Phone: Sir, I can smell the marijuana on your breath over the PHONE. Weedmaster P: This is Sean Hannity who is this Weedmaster P: They said Monday you can do whatever you want to do Jeffrey: YES.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:5onccce6xnadm5ooqeratqe4/bafkreifodgmxppb7yhh2676c332hqrtpb6tjgkucmnsqbwfurkxbw6kj4q)
![[[Balthaser looks at paper, confused; Jeph facepalms; Jeffrey stands on]] Balthaser: Now it says here you boys are lookin' for...Slender Man? What the hell's that? Jeph: Ugh it's this dumb thing the internet made up-- Jeffrey: It's a super-scary monster that eats children and we think is an alien!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:5onccce6xnadm5ooqeratqe4/bafkreibzbja6q6o4soeyfrh7ss454qncnaj4fafp44f6i2wanehg2pex7i)
![[[Waiting at an airport near Roswell, NM]] JR: Man, Deathmole Jacques, do you remember when we went out to the desert and kill that Slender Man? Deathmole Jacques: That was yesterday. We're still in the desert, waiting for an airplane JR: I been thinkin... what if there's like, more than one Slender Man? Like, what if there's a whole race of Slender Persons? Deathmole Jacques: Probl'ly not. It was pretty unlikely that we even found <b><u>one</u></b>. JR: HM. TV: IN OTHER NEWS, EATING EGGS IS SUPER BAD FOR YOU JR: GOD DAMMIT ARE EGGS GOOD FOR YOU OR NOT?! {{Alt Text: Maybe Slender Man is dead. Maybe he's alive. The important thing is, he never existed in the first place.}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:5onccce6xnadm5ooqeratqe4/bafkreibehmamtjk52j53iz5lyjtwbvss4h73ae2sooeegjavzu7dp3azjm)
![[[Jeffrey and Baby Lam at game-show podiums]] Jeffrey: How many fat, white, bald-headed dudes with goatees does it take to save America from the Mexicans? Baby Lam: About twice as many as we got. [[Three sullen teens standing in front of a laundromat]] How many apathetic, dismissively sighing teens does it take to get the owner of the laundromat to put up a "no loitering" sign" Three. [[Superman flying above earth in space, with an angry grimace on his face]] How many potential apocalypses does Superman have to avert before he just gives up on human beings altogether? A lot more than you'd think. [[Weedmaster P, redder-eyed than usual, in a depressing-looking building, carrying a piece of paper]] How many DWIs does it take to make your mother stop believing in the concept of unconditional love? Weedmaster P: Apparently 23 {{title text: His mother stopped loving him seventeen DWIs ago but only this morning has she acquired the courage to speak what is in her heart. Superman has just had it with us.}}](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:5onccce6xnadm5ooqeratqe4/bafkreif4sssodpnrb33faaae4lyf3uuwnw4ah5dvrltowtwa4577dtugpe)