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whatbryan

@whatbryan.bsky.social
90 followers 144 following 115 posts

I've seen a lotta cool lizards

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Reposted by whatbryan
Congressman Greg Casar @repcasar.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
ICE wants to deport Wilber Rafael Garces Perez, a DoorDash driver who they just shot in Austin yesterday. The federal government can't shoot someone and then try to make them disappear to escape scrutiny. Wilber Rafael Garces Perez needs a doctor right now, not a deportation.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
My biggest fear is that someone whom I consider an enemy speaking about how great I am while being interviewed for the documentary about my life, so Jim Breuer you better shut the fuck up when I'm dead.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Okay class today we're going to be discussing the transition from the McConaissance, where a deeper understanding of Martistic expression was explored, to the over saturation and decadence of the MocCoco period beginning with The Beach Bum (2019)
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
As someone who's getting through a case of cyclosporiasis I gotta say GET A BIDET NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE
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Better Things Are Possible @internethippo.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Mainstream Respectable opinion is that people joking about a bad person's death represents a culture of cruelty, but really it represents a culture of impunity. It's a coping mechanism for watching someone do evil their whole life and never seeing consequences
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
When creativity is your job (aka creation for capital and your own survival) of course you'd embrace a machine that will do that for you.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
I wish my name was Pete so that when I left a room I could say "Okay Pete's out! ✌️" and after I'm gone everyone could resume their plans to steal my super cool new catch phrase.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 18/03/2026
a wrestler that's like a fat version of Willie Nelson and he has a move called On The Ropes Again where he bounces you against the ropes and hits you with an old guitar and his name is Full Nelson
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 13/03/2026
HOLY SHIT. A dark money group, hidden behind a bunch of shell companies, is paying influencers thousands of dollars PER POST to attack @katmabu.bsky.social on social media a month before her election. Thank you to the people who declined the money and went forward with this. So who's behind this?
ms.now
Dark money group offers influencers $1,500 for posts attacking Chicago Democratic primary candidate
Progressive House candidate Kat Abughazaleh told MS NOW the secretive campaign is “filled with false and defamatory claims.”
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
Starving and had to eat a rotisserie chicken I found in that Wall Street guy's trash and now my poopfolio has gained significant liquidity
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Radley Balko @radleybalko.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
Every photo from Minneapolis looks like this. Cops decked out with guns and full tac gear facing off against people in bathrobes, parkas, and sweatpants armed only with whistles and cell phones. Yet every verified MAGA chode on X dutifully calls it a riot or violent insurrection.
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Disco @discosaurus.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
This picture making the rounds on reddit, Columbia Heights. I'm not OK.
Kid in a hat and backpack, maybe 5, getting detained
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Jacob T. Levy @jacobtlevy.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
A five-year-old boy seized on his way home in Minnesota and now locked up in Texas. His family didn't know where he was for 24 hours.
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Ashley Miller @amreports.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
An observer arrested in Suth Minneapolis. Photo by Richard Tsong-Taatarii/The Minnesota Star Tribune
Several agents hold a person down and sprays them with pepper spray.
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Will Stancil @whstancil.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
guys minneapolis is a living hell today. they've tear-gassed so many people, tear-gassed a park, beaten people up in front of me. greg bovino is rolling around to gas stations and posing in front of them, trying to cause a riot.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 23/12/2025
a southern orgy porn called MEAT AND THREE
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Jesse Raub @jesseraub.online · 13/12/2025
if mike judge married judge reinhold his name would be mike reinhold
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
*scribbling into notebook* Cornbread, yes, banana bread, carrot cake, uh huh, zucchini bread, potato bread, yes yes, blueberry muffin, keep going you're almost there, sweet potato pie, tomato focaccia, pumpkin cheesecake, YES OF COURSE! THE EVERYTHING BAGEL! MR. HAWKING COME QUICK!
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Reposted by whatbryan
Jason K Pargin, author @jasonkpargin.bsky.social · 01/09/2025
Scatter my ashes at dick shooter creek
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 31/08/2025
Characters for my new play about a thief who steals from the fridge and gives to the poor: - Robin Hood Vent - Kettle John - Air Fryer Tuck - KitchenAid Marian - Sheriff of Nottinghamdrawer
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 27/08/2025
Some nights I find it hard to get to sleep, but it isn't because I'm worried or anxious, it's because my eyes are always open... to new possibilities. Hello and welcome to How to Win Friends and Influence People: The Musical
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 02/07/2025
If you asked me who had the best drum sound of all time, I might say John Bonham. And if you asked me who had the worst, I'd have to say Pat "Jello with Wet Bread" Flompstein.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 01/07/2025
THIS WEEKEND there are two priceless Labubus hidden in a pitch black high school gymnasium but one is filled with bullet ants. Do you scrounge down the easy road or take the path of pain?
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 30/06/2025
I can't find my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica I hope it's okay *glass breaking sound* I hope that wasn't my Limited Edition Tom Bosley Signature Collection Uranium Glass Harmonica
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 29/05/2025
For his next act Timothée Chalamet MUST play Dwight Yoakum I INSIST no one else could pour themselves into those hallowed jeans
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
I never thought I'd lose my job to a computer, especially since I'm the world's greatest computer insult comic.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
Carson Daly I'm coming for your job 🫵 So where do you work now? Oh really oh sick nice man.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
You can ask me how my day was, but know that if you do, you'll never recover. Because I live every day like it's my last. And on my last day I was crushed by a rhino butt.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 25/03/2025
You think the guy who played the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz used Tinactin so his performance wouldn't feel so stiff?
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 25/03/2025
In these times I will suffer no succotash
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 16/03/2025
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 07/03/2025
They FIRED the LORAX everyone WEAR ORANGE tomorrow 03/07!!!
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 04/03/2025
Y'all I forgot what "whence" means I don't know where or when or who to do
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
If they don't let us vape in the airport soon then democracy is done for
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 13/02/2025
Circus owners: If you can do a bunch of front flips call me I have a job for you. Must be weird, too.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 13/02/2025
Mix flour and water and you get a glue-like substance. Mix flower and someone's daughter and you get two people stuck like glue. Happy Valentine's baby, the sincerity curse will wear off soon!
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 12/02/2025
One day there will be a tool that will turn all of my creative desires into pure stress so that we can skip the middleman of time and joy and get straight to the moneyfunnel
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 08/02/2025
Put your soup in a Shamwow and squeeze it out while you're on the go today
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 08/02/2025
I'll only watch the Super Bowl if they LET THEM PLAY! Injuries are part of the GAME! Larry CSONKA could remove a tight end's right leg and then SHAKE HIS HAND over a beer like a gentleMAN
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 06/02/2025
JUDGE: You stand accused of egregious acts of horniness and face up to 30 years in horny jail. How do you plead? 😎: ...Guilty... Your Hornor JUDGE: Bailiff, restrain and gag him 😎: That's what she sa... JUDGE: ORDER ORDER IN THIS COURT 😎: Order? I hardly even know her.
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eve6 @eve6.bsky.social · 06/02/2025
Reposting me let's your followers know you like alternative rock
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 30/01/2025
Got my groin patted down at the airport and an onlooker came up and said "I saw a shirt on the Internet that said 'It ain't gay if it's TSA'" and I killed him
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 28/01/2025
I'm on a tiny plane to Oklahoma City and the pilot and flight attendants are giving polycule energy I can't explain it any clearer but I wanna go home
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 27/01/2025
ATTENTION TV PRODUCERS put me on Love Island as soon as possible I have an urgent message for Sierra OR Claire OR Bryony OR Jaylen
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 24/01/2025
Everyone sorta has to give their opinion on nazis and fascists right now and just so we're clear I think they should get punched in the head as hard as possible, but to be fair to both sides you can also kick them in the butt.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
History is cyclical. The time of hot dogs is at its end. The great turning to weird drinks with things floating in them is nigh.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
Helping an old lady cross the street to meet her dealer
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 16/01/2025
Vape juice in my CPAP I be sleepin on cloudz
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 16/01/2025
I don't see color, politics, or gender. What I do see is spinach in your teeth, but I'm not gonna tell you about it, it's just something you're gonna have to discover on your own.
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whatbryan @whatbryan.bsky.social · 15/01/2025
Going to sleep thinking about all the times my shoelaces were untied and how many women who were going to ask me to marry them noticed and decided I shouldn't father their children anymore.
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