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SnorklefishToblerone

@tunafi.sh
240 followers 33 following 4.7K posts

I have been told that I am friend shaped.

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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20h
There’s only so many ways to make a living that don’t involve crying out, "For the love of God, Montresor!", and writing is not one of them.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20h
It’s all vibes based and once you internalize that over thinking anything is on the level, that’s when things start to make sense.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20h
This is what being an autistic only-child teenager without friends is like. The indoor child survives on kelp and multiplayer board games played single-player, and any and all media it can get its hands on.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20h
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Maureen Johnson coming toward me with a complete volume of unabridged Agatha Christie novels.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 21h
There are many benefits to being insane, and they are all secrets that will never be shared.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 21h
The Republican Party has been Jonestown for a decade and I’m pretty sure that’s not great news for us civilians.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 29/09/2026
Dreamt @maureenjohnsonbooks.com’s Wikipedia page had a section titled “Lawsuits Won by C. Casto Fangola“ and it went on for ages.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 28/09/2026
@maureenjohnsonbooks.com’s new book is so good that even other publishers are promoting it. “It’s better than The DaVinci Code, and frankly anything else we carry, Penguin Random House said in a recent press conference.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 28/09/2026
Dreamt Scholastic paid for the Knife Sharpening Truck to drive around midtown for a week during the promotion of @maureenjohnsonbooks.com’s latest Stevie Bell mystery, with the knife sharpener asking hungry bankers “What’s sharper than Velvet?” as he drove by. Correct Answers received clemency.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 26/09/2026
The Velvet Knife like a lizard on a dance floor
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
trump is a sub for foreign daddies
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
I am very much like a vampire. I must be invited into your home.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
@maureenjohnsonbooks.com have you ever wondered how I ended up in your life? We call this “intended consequences”, when you do something weird out in the universe, if you’re really lucky, the universe sends it back differently
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
The energy I’m bringing into 2027
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
Well, yes, I’ll be playing 3 Legs on every stop at bookstores before the Q/A, but I’m not a backing group because we share the same legal name
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Paul McCartney of The Beatles with a Beard
ALT: Paul McCartney of The Beatles with a Beard
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
I’ve had many incarnations. My favorite is the wind.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
@maureenjohnsonbooks.com how does it feel to be on tour in America at the same time as Ed Sheeran with the same number of backup artists
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
When I ask my cat how our trip to the vet went
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
The word is bruchetta
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
The word cannot be replaced by monetization schemes.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
If this isn’t the coolest shit in the universe then the universe isn’t on the level
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
Nobody means to invent email but the social web is doomed to repeat the cycle until there are no new names for startups in silicon valley
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
I am sad that I did not get a chance to ask who the muffin man is tonight
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 24/09/2026
Did I miss it? Can I call you on FaceTime just to ask questions like, “Why did Han Solo buy stock in eBay?”
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 23/09/2026
About confusion, grief, and power dynamics of famous people. I would call it TRANSOM RAIDERS
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 23/09/2026
@maureenjohnsonbooks.com you ever write a joke tweet so fast and so good that you’re like “damn I would fuck with writing that for real”?
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 23/09/2026
When the book comes out and you and your friend have one copy
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 23/09/2026
Dreamt @maureenjohnsonbooks.com wrote a 500 page novel about three teens who discover that a famous local public broadcasting TV chef is in fact a serial killer and a cannibal. They spend Junior year trying to figure out what to do about this while members of their community continue to go missing.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 23/09/2026
Like Jesus Christ and the McRib, I will be back.
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Yashar Ali 🐘 @yasharali.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
So what did Dolly Parton name the entity she established to oversee her estate, publishing interests, and legacy after her death? “She’s Alive LLC.” Absolutely perfect.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 23/09/2026
We’re all going to lose but we can win for a day
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 22/09/2026
Goodbye Madness
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 22/09/2026
Dreamt @maureenjohnsonbooks.com told me to find her a lawyer so I brought her this guy and she looked me straight in the eyes and said “this is why I turn to you”
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 21/09/2026
Nobody means to start a podcast.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 21/09/2026
dreamt I screen printed a flowy floral shirt with the words “it’s glam rock to read” and @maureenjohnsonbooks.com bought one to wear on her world tour from Ohio to St. Louis. The reviews came in strong: people fucked with it. The New York Times fucked with it. The Pope fucked with it. Reading fucks.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 21/09/2026
I know Trump will be firm!
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 21/09/2026
I often feel like the premise of this second term is that America hired a strange former employee to stage traumatic events to teach itself harsh life lessons.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20/09/2026
getting bored and putting an abstract painting in my dns records
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20/09/2026
Someone would say localhost even, but those people have Androids without shit autocomplete that I pay a premium for
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20/09/2026
This is whatever, it’s fine, but I think they should take risks and put Mickey Mouse on the Cloudflare landing page and have him explaining to Goofy what the fuck a localist is.
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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Christening a baby is nothing like christening a ship. I know that now. Once again I can only apologise.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20/09/2026
Morny, the Batman IP from the original comics goes public domain soon and I’m going to publish a version of Batman where a YA novelist of urban fantasy fiction prowls Pennsylvania at night avenging the Right to Read
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 20/09/2026
This is my favorite that I wear.
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BlobStarrrr @blobstar.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
"Take me to Mexico with you!" I yell out as the monarchs fly by me. They keep flying without answering.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 25/07/2026
Here’s to fucking around against the current, and never finding out how our pool parties end.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 27/07/2026
like and subscribe, hit that smash button for more juicy ass content like my musings on the essentialism of community and stoking the dignity of others
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 27/07/2026
The McConnell thing is totally going to be the “somehow, Palpetine returned” of 2026, isn’t it
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 19/09/2026
I hear you loud and clear and you can all go fuck yourselves.
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 19/09/2026
Dreamt I awoke to @maureenjohnsonbooks.com muttering “They don’t understand me. I’m the George Lucas of YA,” to herself in the corner of the office. “What?” I said, rolling over and half awake on the couch. “HarperCollins won’t let me spend three hundred million on production of my new book.”
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SnorklefishToblerone @tunafi.sh · 18/09/2026
You can basically be a known serial killer and publishing houses won’t drop you from their paid marketing at bookstores, so there’s that.
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