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Alexis Bates

@thisishuman.bsky.social
134 followers 82 following 870 posts

existential essayist

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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 26/03/2026
back at it again with the attempt to make world peace real and accessible to the masses :)))
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
the scapegoat mechanism is employed to reinforce assimilation when it is threatened by a realer truth
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
2026 has taught me that I cannot teach Human Rights 211 to people who have not taken Human Rights 100 or passed the equally important Life Experiences at the 200-300 level with a passing grade of 87% or higher. And I have GOT to *checks notes* stop trying!
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
and they're looking at me getting too sick to keep going and they're like hey buddy you gonna get back up ;))))
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 21/02/2026
the bad news is I've been surrounded by the most complicit and fragile egos I've ever met but now it's been over a year and I want to rip the stars to shreds but they've fully caught me in a system that keeps people working indentured servitude level wages
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illumi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 15/02/2026
“love is in the air” wrong, pepper spray
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 19/09/2024
ikwim
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 22/10/2023
it's a fun time in history to join a cult
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 19/09/2024
great news im back to chokin on that dick
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Betty Bullshark @seasickseasick.bsky.social · 09/04/2024
What a little baby bitch
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 20/10/2023
not dead inside just not feeling the vibes here and conserving my energy like a real vibemaster
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scary pøppïns @poppinswtf.bsky.social · 04/01/2024
Liv: wow, baby. everyone wants to fuck you. Me: i just announced that im a pleasure domme, that sound you hear is the roar of dolls stampeding at me.
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 04/01/2024
hey bots I love and miss you and would love your approval and assistance w new writing opps
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Stephanie King @stephstephking.bsky.social · 02/01/2024
Okay January 1 was, like, a test run
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Stephanie King @stephstephking.bsky.social · 13/12/2023
Stop calling it "vegan leather" and call it pleather, as god intended
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 03/01/2024
You want to start a book club
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illumi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 03/01/2024
this is the energy I’m bringing to 2024
Text: no one fucking likes you 

Response: word I’ll drink to that
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illumi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 03/01/2024
fuck. I mean… yes.
Lego man: hey doc I can’t shake this cough

Lego doctor: do you smoke?

Lego man: smoke what?

Lego doctor: *stares annoyed*
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 01/01/2024
had the best sex of my life in 2024
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Betty Bullshark @seasickseasick.bsky.social · 27/12/2023
My mind is emitting a horrific signal
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Betty Bullshark @seasickseasick.bsky.social · 27/12/2023
In need of torture
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illumi @yallchemist.bsky.social · 25/12/2023
Santa deniers be like “nuh uh that was my parents depicted on Coca Cola bottles in the 1930s”
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Betty Bullshark @seasickseasick.bsky.social · 23/12/2023
🌸
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
im v much an eye for an eye kind of person and ykw??? good for me if i am strong enough to take their eye with only one eye then i deserve my revenge !
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
oh yeah? cause I'd like to raise your children as my own even tho your wife lives in your attic (planning to set her free and toss you in the basement)
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
queen come back and talk to me
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
about me :(
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
who tf was this about?????????????
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
they werent tryin to get hit back
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 12/10/2023
humans aren't naturally good or evil we are naturally idiots and that's precious
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
i can't believe this was the wrong answer :((
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
My actual patron deities: UMMMMMMMM???????
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 18/12/2023
Many have not recovered.
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 26/10/2023
who wants to lick palms and give thanks to each other's salted bodies?
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erin morgenstern @erinmorgenstern.bsky.social · 14/12/2023
I have been reminded that I don't post about my tarot deck enough and it does in fact make a lovely gift for the tarot-inclined. Over a decade ago I painted a black-and-white tarot deck, it was published last year and you can find it where decks & books are sold 🖤 bookshop.org/p/books/the-...
The box for the Phantomwise Tarot, with metallic silver filigree and a black-and-white striped hot air balloon (the Chariot), sitting on a messy spread of the cards and there are glimpses of swords and bunnies and pirates and off to the side Anubis is weighing a heart against a feather.
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Betty Bullshark @seasickseasick.bsky.social · 14/12/2023
I'd like to go home please
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
yearning from my bathtub
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
only if I get to eat what I find 😘
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
oh thank God. I've been thru Queens multiple times this year and am constantly mad I didn't know about you when I was road tripping 😭😭
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
lmao sorry that was kinda unhinged of me
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
I will literally cry and kiss you pls
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
yea girl the second Im in NYC relaunching my pub career I'm gonna be at ur doorstep begging for attention
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
don't know what to do**
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
You're literally insanely hot. Like the one girl I'm unironically panting over.
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
Ur coworkers have got to be getting to the point where they're realizing you're like super hot and do what to do with that, right????
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Alexis Bates @thisishuman.bsky.social · 11/12/2023
u still at ur job bb??
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