iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 13h

Andy Burnham: Ok, everyone can see that Brexit is a worse disaster than the Titanic, so we're gradually rejoining Europe. Diehard brexiteers: NO! WE LIKE ICEBERGS! COLD WATER IS GOOD FOR YOU! WE WANT TO LIVE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA WHERE WE'LL BE SAFE FROM IMMIGRANTS!

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 18h

This year, please don't let the cynical commercialisation of Halloween cheapen its deeper spiritual message about zombies eating people's brains.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Before you judge me, take a bath in my shoes. But what kind of idiot wears shoes in the bath? And yet you have the nerve to judge me? Unbelievable.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT THE RAF FAIRFORD INVESTIGATION: Five men have been released on bail. WHAT WE DON'T KNOW: Anything else, including everything that assorted racist fuckwads seem to think they know. WHAT WE MAY NEVER KNOW: What makes Marco Rubio such a creepy, insufferable prick.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Whoever is currently in charge of the weather has clearly fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control underneath them.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

I found a magic lamp, and when I rubbed it an AI genie emerged and offered me three wishes. It repeated my first wish back to me, got it wrong, apologised, got it wrong again, then everything went dark and now I’m inside the lamp and the genie is out there pretending to be me. Send help.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Can't believe they want to ban killer robots. What happened to tolerance? We may disagree with killer robots but banning them forces their robotic homicidal views underground. Engaging them in respectful debate is the answer. NB: this is definitely not written by a killer robot.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Amazing to think that Google is 28 years old today. I wouldn't have had any way of finding that information before Google.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

I love this time of year, just before whatever terrible thing happens next.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

It’s Pavlov’s birthday. Pavlov was famous for making his wife, the ballerina Pavlova, salivate and ring a bell whenever he fed his dog a meringue-based pudding.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

I don’t know who’s idea it was, but I’m very much in favour of the new legislation that requires racist thugs to assemble outside a local police station every evening so the cops can keep an eye on them and the rest of us know where they are. Very useful.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

The two giant pandas that Xi Jinping has gifted to America are a male and a female, but there’s no guarantee they’ll mate. Persuading them to have sex is tricky, and the most difficult part is arranging for them to go out for dinner and a movie.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

It’s not that Kemi Badenoch isn’t reading the room, it’s that the room she’s reading is the dining hall in the workhouse from Oliver Twist, while she and her friends sit in armchairs around a fire, delivering morally improving lectures to the paupers.

Photo of Kemi Bedanoch; headline about punishing benefit claimants.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Trump and Xi Jinping will not be discussing human rights. It would be like two blind men at the movies, wondering what the film is about.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

My train is travelling through a strange parallel universe: an alternative historical timeline in which certain technologies haven’t been invented. It’s the only possible explanation for the cacophony assailing me from the phones of people who have clearly never encountered FUCKING EARPHONES.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Dear fellow pedants, it’s National Punctuation Day and I’m not going to make it. Leave me here with some apostrophes, Oxford commas, and a loaded semicolon; I’ll try to hold them off - save yourselves: run!

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Many people have legitimate concerns about things. The moment you choose to express them by joining a violent mob of vigilantes, there's no longer anything legitimate about you, your concerns, or the unprincipled grifters cynically exploiting them.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

That horrible sinking feeling you get when someone announces: "The children have written a little play for us, and now they’d like to perform it, so can everyone come into the living room please," is exactly what happens when you know Donald Trump is about to address the UN.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Britain is in no position to stand up to Saudi Arabia. We've sold them so many weapons they're now better armed than we are.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

It's difficult to get excited about the Lib Dems holding a conference while there is still paint in the world, and the chance to watch it dry.

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Reposted by Paul Bassett Davies

James Goss @gossjam.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

Tuesday

A display case of Dr who dollies in Affleck's Palace, Manchester. Peter Davison is on his head. The bat people are annoyed

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

In an amazing scientific breakthrough, experts have detected small traces of a spine in the White House Press Pool, an organism previously thought totally invertebrate. The vestigial spine was discovered when reporters stood up to a preposterous orange bully.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 21/09/2026

Keep politics out of music, like in the old days when Tchaikovsky wrote the 1812 Overture about how nice the weather was that year, or Beethoven composed his “Emperor” concerto in honour of his favourite kitten, and Dylan sang A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall, all about the fun of splashing in puddles.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Don’t throw out old pyjamas. Collect as many pairs as you can, and in the middle of the night spread them out on Pete Hegseth’s front lawn so that when he wakes up he’ll think he missed the Rapture.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Let’s just be grateful that Paddington Bear isn’t alive to witness the bitter conflict tearing the royal family apart.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Sir James Ratcliffe has as much right to tell us what's wrong with modern Britain as any other elderly white reactionary billionaire parasite who lives in Monaco.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

On Talk Like a Pirate Day please remember to listen like a pirate, too. Pirates have emotional needs. For every Jolly Roger aloft, there's a gloomy Roger below decks with back pain, worrying about his parrot and hoping his ex will let him see the kids on his next shore leave. #TalkLikeAPirateDay

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

There’s a demo outside the Apple Store in London Regent Street against Apple using slave & child labour in DR Congo. People filming the demo on their iPhones. And me, filming those people. On my iPhone.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Elections in Russia begin today. Results will be known last week.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

Then they came for the comedians, And I did not speak out, Because I was on next, And I had a great joke about not speaking out, But now my cellmates are telling me I shouldn’t have opened with it.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

AI seems to be getting pretty good at escaping from whatever is supposedly restraining it and doing scary things. Thank goodness the companies behind it aren’t being run by sociopathic narcissists with the moral values of a feral toddler on a sugar rush, or anything like that.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

The experience of déjà vu occurs when someone in the future who's reading your biography loses concentration and begins again from the top of the page.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Your handy guide to British fascists: Oswald Mosley was a Woolworth’s Mussolini. Nigel Farage is a Poundland Mosley. Tommy Robinson is a charity shop Farage. Danny Tommo is a landfill Robinson.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

FINAL CALL to join my acclaimed (no, really) online comedy writing workshop HOW TO SUCCEED AS A COMEDY WRITER this Friday 18th from 10:30am to 4:00pm. Hurry, while comedy is still funny. www.euroscript.co.uk/how-to-succe...

euroscript.co.uk

HOW TO SUCCEED as a Comedy Writer

Write funny, sell funny.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Tech innovator Victor Frankenstein has told angry villagers to be afraid, be very afraid, while assuring them that he is the best person to control the creature he created, as long as they pay him enough, and if they wish to use pitchforks and blazing torches, he holds exclusive rights to them.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

If I were confronted by an aggressive bear in the wild I would simply debate it in the marketplace of ideas ouch that really hurts get off me please fetch help quickly.

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Reposted by Paul Bassett Davies

mindflakes @mindflakes.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

The difference between a catacomb and a basement is skulls. Catacomb without skulls? Thats a basement. Skulls in your basement? Thats a catacomb. Tired of having to keep saying this

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Who could have predicted that depraved alcoholic nutjob Kash Patel would harbour weird thoughts about sex with animals.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

A small Oxfordshire village like Piddington is not equipped to accommodate large numbers of outsiders with very different cultural values, particularly the journalists currently overrunning it.

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Reposted by Paul Bassett Davies

Alex Andreou @sturdyalex.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

The people of Piddington have spoken. I say, grant them independence. Border controls. Visas to cross into the UK. Tariffs on goods. No GBP. No NHS. No benefits or pensions. Let us know when your little lilywhite enclave has gone all Mad Max and you started eating each other. BUH-BYE!

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I'm out of my comfort zone right now. If anyone wants to use it while I'm away, go ahead. Please leave it as you found it. Don't mind the dog, he's just a big old cuddly doofus. Unless he smells blood. Key is under the mat. Good luck.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I’ve made an AI generated actress, just like whatshername. Realistic, isn’t she? Or maybe he. Anyway, please interview him so he can promote my books.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I’m not going to suddenly start hating Ed Sheeran just because of his stance on a political issue. I’ve always hated Ed Sheeran.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

Today's BBC would report Hitler's invasions of Poland as: "Germany's controversial right-winger adopts bold new foreign policy approach."

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

To catch a hint of autumn in the air you must think like a hint of autumn in the air. Wear brown and fall off a tree.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Everything is terrible. It's the perfect time to write comedy. Join my online workshop HOW TO SUCCEED AS A COMEDY WRITER on Friday 18th September, 10:30 to 16:00 and get the full comedy writing masterclass. FINAL CALL. BOOK NOW. www.euroscript.co.uk/how-to-succe...

euroscript.co.uk

HOW TO SUCCEED as a Comedy Writer

Write funny, sell funny.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Never mind Artificial Intelligence becoming sentient. The real breakthrough will be if tech billionaires ever develop self-awareness.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

Hi, first-year students! If your parents are dropping you off at your new University this weekend, try not to feel too homesick as they wave goodbye. As soon as they get home, they'll open a bottle of wine, shag on the couch, and put your bedroom on Airbnb.

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Paul Bassett Davies @thewritertype.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

You can lead a horse to water but it’s pretty crowded there because of all the men you taught to fish in that other proverb.

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Reposted by Paul Bassett Davies

Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

Hey wait a minute: maybe the quicksand we grew up worrying about turned out to be our phones

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