iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

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Nate Postlethwait @natepost.bsky.social · 19/02/2025

“I can’t let it go, when I’m responsible to make sure it doesn’t happen again.” -Your nervous system.

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Nate Postlethwait @natepost.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

“But, it made you stronger.” It didn’t though. Our society calls it strength when it’s hypervigilance. There’s deep grief with healing. The loss of what you knew & acceptance that life will be different. “It made you stronger” doesn’t respect the depth of what really happened.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 14/02/2025

Safe relationships are not threatened by honesty, & safe people are not threatened by you working your trauma or addiction recovery. If a connection seems to be threatened by you getting real & working your recovery, get curious about what the hell that's about.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 10/02/2025

If it matters to you, it is not a "waste of time." You don't need anybody's validation to make something a worthy investment of your time & focus-- & you definitely don't need your abusers' or bullies' approval, real or imagined, to make an activity or interest valid.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 06/02/2025

I need you to remember that fear is a reflex. We don't "choose" fear. There is no shame in fear. You're experiencing a conditioned response-- no more, no less. Your "choice" is in how you talk to yourself & support your inner child through this fearful moment. Breathe. Breathe.

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Diane Langberg, PhD @dianelangberg.bsky.social · 05/02/2025

The body of Christ is called to be like Christ as individuals and as a gathered body of those who are one with Him. Anything that does not look like Christ is NOT the church, even if it purports to be.

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Diane Langberg, PhD @dianelangberg.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

The length of the grieving is determined by the griever, not by how long you, as a comforter, can stand to be sad.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 30/01/2025

I find it's useful to think of trauma recovery as a relationship between the "parts" of us that hold trauma feelings & memories, "parts" that hold hopes & dreams, & "parts" that just want a normal, functional life. Every "part" matters, needs care, & needs to be listened to.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 28/01/2025

Hope is terrifying when you’ve learned to expect pain.

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Diane Langberg, PhD @dianelangberg.bsky.social · 27/01/2025

God demonstrates His words in the flesh with full integrity so that what He says and what He lives look the same; they match. His words, His process of carrying them out through actions in relationships, and the end result - they are all identical.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 27/01/2025

We're not doing anyone we care about or who depends on us any favors by denying, ignoring, or "stuffing" our trauma. Ask me how I know. Working our recovery w/ clarity, consistency, & humility is an act of love toward the people, pets, projects, & causes we care about.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 27/01/2025

Trauma and brokenness takes really beautiful things and twists them. Self sacrificial love can twist into people pleasing. Caring well for others can twist into trying to earn our worth. Empathy can twist into “fixing” other people. Part of healing is untwisting the beautiful pieces of who we are.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 24/01/2025

Tonight, I am tired of being strong enough. I am weary of carrying so much of life alone.

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Emily Snook @hoopersnook.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

Stop. Saying. Telling. The. Truth. Doesn’t. Matter. It matters. Saying it doesn’t matter because it won’t change things is just enabling utilitarianism wrapped up in pseudorighteousness. Tell the truth. Scream it into the void. Truth has value in itself. Or it’s not truth.

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Shadows of Control @shadowsofcontrol.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

When you marry someone, you make a commitment, and you promise to stay with that person through good times and bad. But the moment your spouse abuses you, your obligation to them is over. Marriage is not a vow to be abused!

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

I am finding myself struggling with my belief that as Christians we forgive and offer grace and live a life of redemption. I want that to be who I am, who we are as a people, but sometimes things are so damaged it feels impossible. How do we discern what is true repentance while being wise/safe?

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Diane Langberg, PhD @dianelangberg.bsky.social · 23/01/2025

Traumas suggest we are worthless and do not matter. Talking tells the truth and gives dignity because the story matters, as does its impact.

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Diane Langberg, PhD @dianelangberg.bsky.social · 22/01/2025

Repentance is not verbal only. It is always demonstrated consistently in a life over time. And true repentance is a process that requires time and more time to be made evident.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 21/01/2025

This. To do it all the right way and still end up with brokenness and pain is such a hard reality.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 21/01/2025

There is a fine line between dwelling on and drowning in the memories and holding them while you grieve. I don’t want to forget. It is not worth it to erase the beautiful good things just to avoid the pain. I keep the words and look at the pictures and the tears are expressions of love.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 19/01/2025

I write poems too. But just for me (and God too I guess.) Mine also ask a lot of unanswered - maybe unanswerable - questions. These are beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

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Reposted by Sarah Murray

Nate Postlethwait @natepost.bsky.social · 19/01/2025

When you grow up in an abusive home, you don’t become a people pleaser to please people. You become a people pleaser to keep the potential for more abuse away.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 19/01/2025

There is something so uniquely painful about grieving the loss of dreams, of a future you wanted, of hope you had. And it is not a grief limited to death. There are broken relationships that change the course of your life and that is no less painful.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 17/01/2025

I am not interested in arguing with you. I was just proposing something to think about.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 17/01/2025

I didn’t say it was. I am suggesting we have glorified individualism and independence and made the idea of codependency so awful that we miss out on nuance and interdependent/intertwined community and relationship. I’d much rather risk being slightly codependent than be isolated.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 15/01/2025

It's not "childish" or "weak" to feel resentful that we have to cope w/ & process the pain we have to cope w/ & process, or to be jealous of those who don't have to-- and but also, we can't let that resentment or jealousy keep us from working our recovery today.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 16/01/2025

Related: I wonder if American individualism has vilified the idea of codependency beyond what it should be. We are created to be relational and I wonder if the church would be better off if we were more dependent on one another.

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Nate Postlethwait @natepost.bsky.social · 14/01/2025

Abuse survivors are heavily triggered by dishonest people. When you’ve sacrificed your time and security in order to figure out the truth, people who lack truth will feel like they’re pulling you back to your darkest days.

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 07/01/2025

It takes practice to hold back apologizing for things you owe no one any apologies or explanations for. Not apologizing is a skill. You're not gonna be great at it for a long minute-- and that's okay. Work on it. Remind yourself that this, & you, are a work n progress.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 29/12/2024

I sometimes wonder if it is a conditioned into us a way of softening what is actually happening because we are afraid to use the words, abuse and conflict and lies and slander and all the more specific things that actually name the sin and brokenness

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Nate Postlethwait @natepost.bsky.social · 27/12/2024

Enablers will convince a hurt person to be silent about what was done to them, while the perpetrator goes on and does it to others. They call it “being the bigger person.”

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Jessica Kantrowitz @jfkantrowitz.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

“If loneliness is a universal human experience, then, ironically, it is that which connects us to each other. I, in my loneliness, see you in yours. Let’s keep each other company there. Let’s hold each other in the special sadness of Christmas Day” open.substack.com/pub/jessicak...

open.substack.com

The loneliest day of the year (repost)

A Christmas benediction

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 26/12/2024

I also had a meltdown last night. Single parent plus recent brokenness from the people who were the closest thing I had to real family. And the holidays magnify it all. Solidarity. It does make it easier to long for better and recognize this isn’t how we are meant to live. ❤️

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

This. It’s so hard to celebrate when you don’t have the family or community. When you are unwanted.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

Us too! Less fancy than yours but I wasn’t cooking a big meal for just my kids and I and they think this is so special.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

I like it too. Merry Christmas!

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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle @drdoylesays.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

Hey. It's just a day. Breathe for me.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 25/12/2024

I am never not going to be able to see her as Bombadil ever again!

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 24/12/2024

Beautiful! I just decorated our tree with my kids like 2 hours ago. It’s been up and bare for two weeks. 🤷‍♀️

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Steve Bryce (he/him) @stephenbryce.bsky.social · 22/12/2024

Intent matters. And impact matters. And interpretation matters too. The stories you tell and the stories you believe and the stories you hold onto will shape so much of who you are and what you do and where you go.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 23/12/2024

Begging for light… it’s a perfect picture. I know what that feels like to be all consumed by the darkness and desperate for a glimpse of light.

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David French @davidfrenchjag.bsky.social · 22/12/2024

"Give a man a sword and tell him he’s defending the cross, and there’s no end to the damage he can do." www.nytimes.com/2024/12/22/o...

nytimes.com

Opinion | Why Are So Many Christians So Cruel?

It’s a simple question with a complicated answer.

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Shadows of Control @shadowsofcontrol.bsky.social · 22/12/2024

When it's real love you feel secure and valued, not constantly on edge. #HealthyRelationships #EmotionalAbuse

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 22/12/2024

Not enough songs grieve the loss/abandonment of close friends and family. So many about death and romantic heartbreak but so few give words to losing other kinds of love. Maybe that speaks to how disconnected we are in our individualistic culture.

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George Takei @georgetakei.bsky.social · 22/12/2024

This sums it up, yes.

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Sarah Murray @smmurray.bsky.social · 21/12/2024

I am jealous of your snow and your skiing. It’ll be almost 60 degrees and sunny here tomorrow. My kids were outside barefoot for a few minutes this afternoon. We would be perfect ski partners. I often chickened out on some of the downhill sections too!

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