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doc_rootbeer

@rootbeer666.bsky.social
74 followers 39 following 1K posts

I may not be strong, intelligent, or cool, but rest assured, I’m also not funny, charismatic, attractive, or remotely likable; a septuple non-threat Ni dieu, ni maître

PostsRepliesMedia
doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
oh, right, father's day
media.tenor.com
a man with glasses and a mustache is covering his face with his hands in a dark room .
Alt: Gendo Ikari, #1 Dad for like 14 consecutive years, in that pose he does
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Matt Oswalt @mattoswaltva.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
Obama should sit courtside for Game 4. No bulletproof glass, no napping. He'd get a 10 minute standing ovation. Players from each team would hug him. It'd send Trump into such a violent rage he'd choke to death on a Filet 'O Fish
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
@jordanjessego.bsky.social I still listen to your podcast
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caffeine anxiety ego death @mxdshipwreck.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
if you read this and want to take me to task for the technical inaccuracy of my cheap shot just know that 1) I am a certified LLM hater and 2) I don't care
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Comfortably Boo @numb.comfortab.ly · 31/03/2026
In retrospect this is very funny
Bluesky tweet on Nov 20, 2025: every time a software tool adds an Al feature nobody asked for, a human logs off
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 10/03/2026
Bluesky is prob. going to be buried by bloodsucking venture capitalists in due time. Honestly? I'm fine with that, been actually thinking about leaving soon anyway. Where? 🤷‍♂️ Mastodon? Ehh... Prob. just going to make a geocities-ass oldskool website for nobody but me. Who cares. It all just sucks.
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
AI? more like yay-i!!!!! 👏👏👏 [immediately crumples under the weight of hundreds of cinder blocks being lobbed at body] [savage booing intensifies into earsplitting cacophony that vaporizes every building in an 80-km radius]
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
why all of washington isn't completely razed and irradiated, with a vast, empty salt flat in its place, is beyond me
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 28/01/2026
we need to scour all the holy clerics' libraries worldwide to find whatever flesh-bound grimoire has the incantation to send Stephen Miller back to the unnamed secret circle of Hell from whence he came
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 11/01/2026
yeah, well, your mom shoulda wrapped it up for this one
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
Question: What is the biggest band out there to be, while adequately popular, nobody's absolute favorite? That is to say, a huge group of people like them well enough, but none of them will say anything more than, "yeah, they're great or whatever, but have you heard [preferred band]?"
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
Ruin two bands blah blah blah Green Blue October Day I don't think I ruined either, as one already sucks and the other is meh-to-bleh Seriously, this is half-assed at best, why are we doing this [back to non-posting coma state]
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Nichole @nicholemariez.bsky.social · 19/12/2025
Mary and Joseph get separated and Mary miscarries in an overcrowded detention center
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 20/12/2025
My wife, to the cats about food: "You're not getting any tonight!" Me, to the cats, not about food: "Yeah, sucks, don'it?"
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Dave Weigel @daveweigel.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
If you're a leftist this is the best day since... when
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Hot Blooded Tough Guy Rusty Shackles @rustyshackles.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
Rapture day more like "Rap? Sure!" day *beatboxes*
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 12/09/2025
At incel meetings, is the “my turn to talk” object a shakeweight?
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 10/09/2025
Thoughts and prayrrrrzzzz for chrrl… [trails off]
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
Let’s be real: if it’s not from the culinary district of Cheeseburg, it’s just a flatbeef sandwich with a slice of thickmilk
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 19/08/2025
I ain’t gonna nag ain’t about to push and I’m runnin’ up dat hill like my name’s Kate Bush
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 30/07/2025
*Maurice White voice* Ba-dee-yah Say, do you remember Ba-dee-yah Racin’ with SEBULBA [dives head-first into open rock quarry, saving crowd from effort of throwing stones]
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 24/07/2025
Hulk Hogan, in Hell’s waiting room:
a twitter post from 2023-01-25 by the once living hulk hogan that reads, “I ran out of toilet paper brother,help!!!!!!!!” [poor typing and punctuation not mine]
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 10/07/2025
“Musk said he hopes to allow Grok to interact with the world via humanoid robots.” —“Musk makes grand promises about Grok 4 […]”; Hayden Field, The Verge, 2025-07-10 The likely robots in question:
Mecha-Hitler, from Wolfenstein 3D, Episode 3, “Die, Führer, Die!” Which does not actually mean “the führer, the”.
Grok actually referred to itself as MechaHitler, so here we are. Good job, techbros.
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 08/07/2025
I don’t really believe in an afterlife but I get the feeling that, for a lot of “christians“, it’s gonna be a lot like that scene in Goodfellas when Tommy thought he was going to become a made man “…oh noooo”
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 06/07/2025
Sierra Mist is a stripper from South Bend
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Elise Wang @elisewang.bsky.social · 03/07/2025
He proposes releasing some ICE prisoners to labor on farms where the employers will “own them” and be responsible for them. Historians have spent decades meticulously proving the straight line between slavery and modern capitalism’s concept of the laborer—or we could just let them say it.
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 04/07/2025
I genuinely appreciate the candor; I was all, “what the fuck” when I got a “deleted” error upon tapping the post.
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T Kennedy @kennedytkennedy.bsky.social · 02/07/2025
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 02/07/2025
Today, we become closer to the year 2050 than we are to 2000. Have fun with that.
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 25/06/2025
[scoffs, points at self] “pfft, this guy”
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
Pic of robert cop captioned, “remember in the Robocop movies when corporate America aids criminals & helps incite riots so they can lower property values & buy up the city while privatizing that city’s police force haha science fiction is crazy”
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 21/06/2025
#regicide
Indiana Jones preparing to launch a rocket at a group of Nazi soldiers, captioned with the text, “‘How to debate the far-right on the market-place of ideas’ A presentation by Dr Henry Walton Jones Junior, PhD of Archaeology at the Marshall College, Beford, Connecticut:”
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 19/06/2025
“I hope this email finds you after a protracted nationwide manhunt, before you become engaged in a standoff in a dilapidated shack in the woods outside a small town in Idaho”
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 09/06/2025
Sometimes I’d just like to do a swan dive down an open elevator shaft. You might gasp and say “you shouldn’t say things like that!” I’d say you’re right. I wouldn’t do that I’m not that graceful. It’d be more of a half-assed cannonball, turning wildly into a belly flop, down an open elevator shaft
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 14/05/2025
honestly? I’m okay with this
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
Vancouver Pope is next
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doc_rootbeer @rootbeer666.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
If you sneeze, I’ll say “bless you.” H*ck, sneeze again, I’ll say it a second time. But if you sneeze a third time, I’m going to ask you to subscribe to Bless+™️ With Bless+™️, you’ll get three additional “bless yous” per day, for just $1.99* a month!
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