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NotMe

@princessjemmy.bsky.social
366 followers 114 following 7K posts

Hello. I'm an adult human. Left to my own devices, I would be a borderline cat hoarder. Was not homeschooled by a pigeon. Offers of Pumpkin Spice Latte will be met with shotgun fire.

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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
It’s unconscionable that this could be allowed to happen, including companies like this being able to participate in a Farm Labor Visa Program in the first place.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Me, while taking my new meds while eating bao for breakfast: “But triglycerides taste so good!!! … I regret nothing.”
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Y’all… stop it with amplifying the whole “AI is out of control and intelligent and will kill us all in 10 years.” For one, I bet the whole deal is a scheme so that the investors don’t get out the pitchforks when fourth quarter revenues are spectacularly in the red.
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I Don't Want to Wear Pants @xehtfodrol.northsky.social · 27/09/2026
Nothing is more inherently untrustworthy than every time people talk about regulations, we immediately go to the people who have a financial stake in what's about to be regulated and ask them how they want it to work.
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Jason Kincade @jasonkincade.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
A bunch of dudes that *definitely* don't want their browser histories checked.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Me on why horror movies don’t work for me lately: “The older I get, the more movie monsters are no big deal. Actual people scare me more nowadays.”
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Me updating my family about flight delays out of Rome:
A picture of a text. It says “ + 20 minutes to demise [should be departure, but autocorrect likes to always overcorrect my bullshit medsafed], because it finally rained and the airport workers have forgotten how to operate during a thunderstorm? [shrug emoji]”

Man, I have never had a suckier overseas trip than this one. Thanks, El Trumpo!

(EU has ghettoized U.S. passport holders with Israeli ones, and now makes you go through customs during both arrival and departure. I… don’t think it’s a coincidence…)
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Feeling this.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Right? It’s probably the one out of millions who actually got caught.
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KingsleyVanityPress @jvanitypress.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Johnny Depp is the Elon Musk of Jack Nicholsons.
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Iron Spike @ironspike.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Refusing to discuss food contamination, screwflies, and vaccination rates do not put you beyond their reach.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
It’s almost… almost like… they shoot on sight, innit? 🙄
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Blue Heron Farm @blueheronfarm.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
We are never going to make a dent in these abuses if we never impose consequences. And that's why conservatives invented qualified immunity. The abuses are the goal.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Arachnophobia, a short story. Kid and I are observing a 🕷️ in the tub. Me: “I tried drowning it, but it crawled back from the drain” Son: “I know what to do” *Leaves room, comes back with one of his dad’s hiking boots.* *Pummels spider*
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Daily Caturday @dailycaturday.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Return of the anxious baby, Caturday Edition.
This is Angie. Angie has decided to treat the other cats in the house with suspicion. To save on injuries going around, she is separated by a door from them. This has heightened her people separation anxiety (it pre-dated the current situation with the other cats).

This is her, post yowling because no humans were on her house floor, and how could we do this to her like monsters. My penance was, very clearly, to sit there while she napped, while thinking about what I did. This is Angie. Angie has separation anxiety when it comes to humans. 

In order to calm her tiny brain, Angie requested a 40 minute emergency nap on my elbow. 

Elbow nap achievement unlocked.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
It’s true: teenagers are toddlers with a better vocabulary. My youngest is back to growing upwards of an inch overnight. He has about 3 1/2 inches on me. He was still as tall as me as late as March.
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Peter Smith @peterfsmith.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
I see that ICE is continuing to rip off the "It's coming right for us" defense from South Park.
youtu.be
South Park - It's coming right for us
YouTube video by South Park
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
It’s that time off the year folks. The fireworks people started at 2 AM. As did I freely and openly offering curses to the effect of “Yeah, I hope your fingers fall off on a trip to the ER.” Spouse said it was too harsh. Me: “Look, they’re asking for it at 2 AM”
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
He is so right, and it’s extremely sad.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
Not surprising. Anglo-Saxon philosophers laid the foundation for Zionism. It didn’t come out of a vacuum in the 19th century.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Reaching the food porn phase of illness: looking through digital recipes collections at food that could currently kill me.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
Week 2 of mystery illness: getting tested for everything under the sun that could cause chills and zero fever. Including mono. That last one had me laugh out loud. Now back in the safety of inside my blanket, in 90 F. Whatever this is, it has made me impervious to heat waves.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Scribbled while watching Furious at the local movie theater: This basically reinforces my theory that there’s no difference b/w martian arts and ballet.
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Wintersong @wintersong.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
How could they have known? There's no precedent for influenza having a devastating impact on the U.S. military! Well... there *was* that one time in 1918 that didn't go so great. Turns out those who remember history really are doomed to watch helplessly as those who don't go about repeating it.
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the Mountain Goats @themountaingoats.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
folks when we find a guy who's saying a bunch of dumbass shit can we get back to blocking them instead of screenshotting them and talking about their dumbass shit? these losers are not worth our time & when we let them waste it we insult the revolution
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
Day #1 of summer break, and I’m already in hiding from my teens. It’s going to be a rough 11 weeks, only slightly mitigated by July summer school and/or camps.
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Cranthemius Gilderthorpe (he/him/his) @gilderthorpe.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Condescending Wonka meme:

Top text = “Come with me. And you’ll be”

Bottom text = “In a world of Flag Code violations.”
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
www.bbc.com/news/live/cr... Unsurprising who is behind this unrest. EM and DT are definitely going to Christian hell.
bbc.com
Family of Belfast knife victim say 'unrest is not welcome' as extra police brought onto streets - follow live
The family of Stephen Ogilvy say "peaceful protest is the only way forward". Public transport is closing early in Belfast today after violence last night.
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 09/06/2026
"Yes, that’s me slathered in butter because I was trying to become so frictionless that I could slide on my belly all the way from my Harvard University laboratory to Yale. It was quite painful, and the butter ended up attracting fire ants, which stung me mercilessly."
buff.ly
Yes, That’s Me On the Cover of Scientific Experimental Disasters That Could Have Been Prevented Magazine
“Yes, that’s me slathered in butter because I was trying to become so frictionless that I could slide on my belly all the way from my Harvard University labo...
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Daily Caturday @dailycaturday.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
“The only creature that was stirring is the mice” Edition.
I stole space from Nick who considers our giant sized bean bag his cat bed. So of course he decided to pivot and use Ashley as his emergency pillow. 🤣
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Jim Henley Music @jimhenleymusic.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
This thread shows zero awareness of the economic history of poetry since the Second World War. The collapse of poetry as a viable piecework business, and the shift to reliance on academic postings and prize money for income, predate the dreaded Internet by decades.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Yup.
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Mara Wilson @marawilson.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
I was trying to think of a way to describe the straight men who have hit on me throughout my life and basically all I could come up with is it’s the type of guy who would say something like “Actually, it’s SIR Terry Pratchett”
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 05/06/2026
A game of NO EXIT, anyone? Or how about a round of BEING & TIMER?
buff.ly
“Descartes Against Humanity” and Other Games Designed by Famous Philosophers
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Chaucer Doth Tweet @levostregc.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
Koboldes on their hilltoppes Dragons yn their laires -- My catte ys a litel goblin Runninge up and doun the staires
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
… No one will ever convince me he’s not a fucking ghoul wearing human skin. It explains the lack of shame quite neatly. Zuckerberg's superyacht lands in Seattle as Meta announces big local layoff www.seattletimes.com/business/zuc...
seattletimes.com
Zuckerberg's superyacht lands in Seattle the same day Meta announces it's laying off 1,400 local employees
Mark Zuckerberg superyacht arrived in Seattle on Tuesday as Meta announced 1,400 layoffs in King County.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
Sitting around waiting for my dad’s viewing to end, so we can bury him. Kinda wish it was closer in experience to Starter Villain. In fact, I think that’s how I want to remember the whole thing afterward, to be honest.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
Yeah, I see a lot of confusion on this, AND: - it isn’t run by the same agency as Link Light Rail (They have their own agency, the SMS) - You can’t “transfer” to/from it. It’s a new fee once you switch to/from the light rail. - No “Roundtrip” fare.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
Could have just titled this “Businessman cries real tears”. Starbucks has done nothing but shut down local branches whose baristas want to unionize, for years. They deserve local scorn. Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz calls Seattle 'hostile' to business www.seattletimes.com/business/sta...
seattletimes.com
Howard Schultz takes a jab at Seattle after moving to Miami
Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz criticized the city and its mayor in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece.
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Canadian Dude @danielsand.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
OMG. That is so freaking bad the Asylum would take one look at it and reject him for not being up to their standards. The dude should be happy we are calling it rightfully AI slop. Because otherwise it means he is one of the worst filmmakers alive.
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Daily Caturday @dailycaturday.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
Give me all the drugs, Tuesday edition.
A grey and white tabby sits on a bed. She is looking back at her owner, probably confused. 

Feline WW3 erupted in our household last week. Angie (pictured) started growling and screaming at our other two cats non-stop. Like, literally acted like she hated them on sight. 

Soon, litter box guarding ensued. The other cats started having accidents (I had to clean a few ) and long story short, Angie had to be separated (again!) from our other cats. 

We took her to the vet, they gave her tests, and she’s as healthy as a cat good he, physically. So it’s behavioral, possibly due to anxiety. The vet put her on gabapentin to give her a break from her fear of being aggressive upon (and ok, Nick isn’t the gentlest cat, but she basically won’t let him get nearer than 3 feet without trying to attack him, or viceversa). 

Today was day 1, and was also the first day she’s legitimately been ok with sharing space with me. Other than my husband, she hasn’t let anyone come near her and confort her, and she stopped sitting near me at night while I fell asleep, instead staring at me from a chair across the room. 

Hopefully, much like people, once she stops being on edge all the time, she’ll come to realize we all still love her bunches (yes, even the pestiferous formerly tiny grey 🐈‍⬛ ). But for now, I’ll take her no longer hating me.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 28/04/2026
I’m gonna be a duck grandma, y’all!!! (Was gonna do a skeet, but these screenshots do the job better)
A screenshot of a text conversation. 

First text: [picture of a duck standing near a set of steps leading inside a yard] “Mom went back to her nest.”

Second text: “Why did you turn her into a bird?”

Third text: “Please go in [through] the basement, we’ll give more info when you’re here.”Fourth text: “Not me, ma’am. Dad is talking about our new adopted duck daughter, who’s gonna be a mom as soon as her eggs hatch. 

Finally, I get to be a grandma.”

Fifth text” Ohhhhh. Okay.”

(The “I want to be a grandma” thing is an ongoing joke between myself and kids)Sixth Text: “Yup. That’s why dad said don’t go through the front door. The duck built a nest under the dead maple tree, which we found out when the tree removal people started working this afternoon. We can’t/didn’t touch the nest, and we’re crossing fingers the mama duck didn’t get so spooked she wouldn’t come back.”

Seventh Text: “So we’re glad she’s back, and we’re gonna give her a little space to calm down today, I don’t want her to abandon her eggs!”

Note: wild ducks are a federally protected species, at least on paper. That means that mama and babies have a right to be here (not that I would have had a problem otherwise). 

Had I had any idea she was in our yard, I would not have scheduled any tree removal, even though the maple in question had to come down (a heatwave in 2022 kinda destroyed its health, and while we tried to baby it in hopes of recovery, it basically gave up up the ghost late last summer - I picked out a new sapling of the same variety of tree to go in the space, but the little guy can wait until the fall to go in). She had done a really great job of camouflaging her nest, and her presence came as a complete shock. 😳
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
Chef’s 💋. 10/10, no notes.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 27/04/2026
I miss so many things about the internet of yore. One of the things I find myself missing most though is entire social media sites that just let you make your own listicles. I miss being able to release things like “stupid domain names I’d actually get into a bidding war over” into the world.
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Daily Caturday @dailycaturday.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
Don’t You Dare, Caturday Edition
The spouse (torso pictured) is laying under a comforter, from which a cat’s head peaks. The cat, a brown ticked tabby, is looking somewhat annoyed. 

We have a favorite comforter. It’s not our only comforter, but it’s by far the easiest to care for, given it doesn’t weigh 3 metric tons, and doesn’t require the removal of a cover. As such, sometimes we opt to just remove it it from the bed, wash it, and return it back in the bed by nighttime. 

Except that I was having a time finding enough breathing room to keep drying it (most comforters reliably take 2 hours to dry in our dryer, which none of the presets actually cover, so I kinda run a heavy duty cycle, followed by a quick drying short one). By the time I had the thing dry, the spouse had gone to sleep. I found  him asleep on his back, with a cat (pictured) lying under his crotch. 

He’s her human, she has claimed him, and I’m allowed to remain his wife under her benevolence. But it has limits. 

Such as, in the case of my trying to drape a comforter over her head. Hence this moment of her glaring at me while I repeatedly attempted to drape the comforter to reach my side of the bed. 

If you guessed that yours truly just ended up sleeping, without covers, like a peasant, while HRH Ashley sat herself pretty in this position half the night? You guessed correctly.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Normal people hallucinate things like normal people while sick. Me? I had a dream where my spouse went on and on about gabapentin. Being unfamiliar with what gabapentin is or does, I looked it up. Oh Brian (My brain’s government name)! The things you get up to when I’m not in control!!!
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Daily Caturday @dailycaturday.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
King of the hill, Tuesday Edition.
A grey tabby sits atop of the platform part of a 5 foot cat tree. He surveils all that is around him. 

I don’t know what kind of beef Nick and Angie have been having since Christmas, but he appears to have suddenly and dramatically gained the upper hand as of late. This is totally Nick bragging about it.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Hello from the distant reaches of Purgatory. I have been beleaguered with some sort of dysentery courtesy of the husband. If this message posts, at least I’ll know there’s still time to portal out to the land of the living again.
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NotMe @princessjemmy.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Finally made it to Artbox in Vancouver. My findings: doesn’t sell art supplies. Isn’t a box. Cute merch, though.
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Joe Frollo @joefrollo.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Odds are strong once he gets his skim, it gets half finished and abandoned. Like his wall and ballroom and …
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