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Jennifer K.

@pdxjenni.bsky.social
557 followers 184 following 5.2K posts

Walks "like a 50s housewife on a mission to kill g-d." SATAN HAS ENOUGH ATTORNEYS, CHAD. She/her. Squad Mom/Aunt Aoife. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. You may know me from elsewhere as GonzoPants.

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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Said this to a friend, re: her boss, today, and thought some of y'all may also benefit from hearing it -- Stop letting a man who drives a cybertruck make you doubt your own expertise; I love you, but that's embarrassing for us both.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
For the non-attorneys, please know that if a judge ever says something even HALF as harsh as this to your lawyer, FIRE THEM IMMEDIATELY. I have second-hand embarrassment & bubble guts just THINKING about being in the room when this was read.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
I need to make sure @cleolinda.bsky.social knows about this.
IKEA Palla's cat plush. I never knew a stuffed toy could look so angry, and yet here we are.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I'm gonna need my clients who run their own businesses to get their goddamn shit together because what do you MEAN you're doing THAT MUCH in revenue every year & you aren't keeping invoices, your "employees" are 1099, and you paid contractors IN CASH to do renovation work AND DIDN'T GET RECEIPTS???
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Welp. Those blue & reds are gonna be outside my house for a while, it seems, after a lady decided to drive drunk down my street, hit a parked car, flip her own, and got taken away in an ambulance after getting ejected from her vehicle because no seat belt is the icing on that shit decision cake.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
OH MY GAWD. FIRE UP THE O R B MEME CANNON. AGAIN. This is a very strange two-nickels situation...
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Reposted by Jennifer K.
eric shamow @botmatrix.myatproto.social · 16/09/2026
I am getting very tired of explaining to people that while Macklemore is correct on Palestine that doesn’t mean he’s a good guy, or correct for good reasons We can protect the speech without defending the guy who did this
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Coworker just referred to duallies as "trucks with birthing hips" and I have died. Good night.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
AI www.theguardian.com/technology/2... Is not www.msba.org/site/site/co... coming www.reuters.com/legal/govern... for www.nytimes.com/2026/06/09/u... my www.abajournal.com/news/article... fucking www.npr.org/2026/04/03/n... job www.sixthcircuitappellateblog.com/recent-cases... you unfrosted poptart
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
My roommate in college got her back window busted and "fuck you bitch" written on her "not my president" bumper sticker. You want "never forget," how about we "never forget" the fucking HATE CRIMES against Muslims, or people mistaken for Muslims (esp. Sikhs). PEPPERIDGE FARMS HAS NOT FORGOTTEN.
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Barred and Boujee aka Madiba Dennie @audrelawdamercy.blacksky.app · 10/09/2026
so the thing about going on a strike is you have to withhold something people *want* from you
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Today I parked behind 106 LAR, which is not as many @lartist.bsky.social as last time, but still quite a few!
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
An otherwise stellar narrator absolutely ruined a book for me recently by using the character's voice during narration when the focus shifted to that character for a chapter, instead of a consistent "narrator" throughout. Made it really hard to determine when dialogue stopped & exposition started!
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Just finished INKPOT GODS, the fourth & penultimate in @seananmcguire.bsky.social’s Alchemical Journeys series. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO WAIT TWO YEARS FOR THE LAST ONE??????????????? What am I to do with my HANDS until then????????????
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
It's "WASH-yer-SIS-ter," and I will hear no arguments otherwise.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
An incomplete list of not-bomb things I have flown with that the TSA machines have thought were bombs: * Hardcover books * A Dyson hair tool * gü energy gels * The kind of toys you never want your kids to find * The calcified knot of fascia that has lived under my left shoulder blade since 1996
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
🎶happy birthday to me, it’s the Calamities, first in @chuckwendig.bsky.social‘s new series, for us August babies! 🎶 (And that’s my plane reading sorted, on our way to Toronto hella early tomorrow morning)
Cover of the Calamities by Chuck Wendig
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Waves one arm broadly at my paternal grandfather (1923-1993), builder of ships in bottles, organizing dozens of pinochle decks by color & the other at my maternal grandfather (1907-1978), collector of model trains.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
It’s to encourage people to shop online so they don’t have to pay as many employees to stand in the store. The shoplifting reasoning is pure pretext.
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Reposted by Jennifer K.
Lauren Thoman @laurenthomanwrites.com · 15/08/2026
I’m so tired of genAI apologists telling me I only hate it because I don’t understand it. I hate it *because* I understand it, you absolute toenail.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Hi, I am my own internal organs. Multiple times!
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Ugh whyyyy? I'm going to one of these, despite being a pretty anti-sports person, for the sake of cohesion with my coworkers & you're telling me @portlandfire.bsky.social not only is trash on communicating re: accommodations (which I might need, depending on the day), but I can't occupy my hands?
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Reposted by Jennifer K.
Scarleteen @scarleteen.com · 28/07/2026
Seen people talking about “sex addiction” and “porn addiction"? These are not real medical diagnoses. Dr. Amy Marsh explains, with information for people who are concerned about the role of sex and porn in their lives. www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-s...
Text: "Want the fact on porn and sex 'addiction'? Dr. Amy Marsh sets the record straight on a misunderstood term. Read it on Scarleteen," alongside a person squinting one eye into a magnifying glass they're holding up to their face.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 09/07/2026
Still can't get over the ER doctor challenging me on my request to add benadryl to the IV drip cocktail I was on, to help with the nausea/vomiting, since zofran alone was insufficient. "What makes you think benadryl is any good for nausea?" OH AND GUESS WHAT FINALLY MADE ME STOP PUKING INTRACTIBLY?
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Super great to be staying on the med-surg floor of a hospital where the staffing ratio has been AT BEST 1:8, but mostly 1:10, only to learn that is literally DOUBLE what the law allows.
wsna.org
New Oregon law establishes safe staffing ratios
The new law makes Oregon the second state in the nation to adopt mandatory nurse staffing ratios and the first state to put ratios into statute.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
I need someone to ELI5 how room sharing like this isn't a HIPAA violation, because the nurse was like "I'm here to give you your gabapentin" and I'm like "I don't take gabapentin, that's for next door." I should not know what medications & what doses Kelly [full name, date of birth] fucking takes
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 05/07/2026
SWEATERGAHD IF MY ROOMMATE DOES NOT STOP TRYING TO GET OUT OF BED ON HER OWN & SETTING OFF THE GODDAMN ALARM
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
My appendix is a little bitch who’s getting evicted in the morning. Have been at the ER since 4:00 this afternoon. Toradol, my one true painkilling love.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Legit, it’s fucking hard, but I joined a strength gym in May & the crew I lift with three mornings a week? Every one of them make getting up that early absolutely worthwhile. Knit nights have led to some of the tightest friendships I have (and a few professional referrals). Get out the house!
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
When I saw the joke posts about Culver's shrimp, particularly one post with the TMNT font maker, I demanded more context. A monkey's paw curled its finger in. The context is *so* much more stupid than I could have ever imagined.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Overheard in the gym: just a little light choking first thing in the morning. Who doesn’t love that?
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
All the perimenopausal leftists sayyy
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
Long shot but do any of you beautiful people have any connections with anyone at OnlyFans who would be the person to get in touch with if someone’s images/videos were being posted without their consent & the person wants the posts taken down? I’ve told her to call the DA, she wants them down ASAP
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
THE CACKLE THAT JUST CAME OUT OF ME
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Congratulations for having a worse take than literal mobster Al Capone.
drloihjournal.blogspot.com
Al Capone and his Brother Ralph are responsible for milk expiration dating.
Al Capone and his Brother Ralph are responsible for milk expiration dating.
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Reposted by Jennifer K.
David Avallone @davallone.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
There will be three other choices on the ballot. Three. Costello, Mills (who suspended campaigning, but is still on the ballot) and you can write in LaFlamme. Three alternatives. Not zero. Not Collins. Three. You do not actually have to "take your chances" with the Nazi.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
So you know the "sometimes you just need to eat a whole cucumber" thing? Pro tip: mix up one of those bad boys (cucumbers, salt, brown sugar, rice vinegar, soy sauce, sriracha, cream cheese) & put it over chili crisp rice. Add smoked salmon if you, unlike me, have some on hand. You're welcome.
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EIL @emipsaloquitur.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
Nobody's allowed to talk about the merits of Patagonia/Pattie Gonia until you show me, at minimum, your law school transcript showing you took a basic IP law course.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
Once again begging my body to cooperate so I don't have facial numbness everywhere EXCEPT where the dentist needs it to be, leading me to once again give up & lie & white-knuckle my way through a filling replacement.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
I had to fact-check this. It is real. Move over, Florida man, Jimmy John McDaniel of Texas is on the scene.
fox4news.com
WATCH: Man arrested after driving Tesla Cybertruck into Grapevine Lake to test 'Wade Mode'
A man was arrested after police say he intentionally drove a Tesla Cybertruck into Grapevine Lake to test its
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
The ghost of Robin Leach MySpace Tom Abigail Disney The kid I went to high school with who's *technically* heir to the Kesey fortune but only if like, 7 other people die first Miss Cleo (she's necessary to talk to the ghost of Robin Leach, of course)
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Donations to schools are tax deductible & if your employer matches? Bonus. www.davinciptsa.org/donate
davinciptsa.org
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Found out tonight $10,000 is all that stands between my niece’s performing arts middle school & functioning stage equipment. Come on. We can do that. @gregdoucette.bsky.social wanna put up the bat signal for Da Vinci MS in Portland? I’m seeding this with $1,000 + a match from husband’s employer
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
My only concern is not the animation (gorgeous) or the soundtrack (flawless) or the cast (TOM WAITS & MAHERSHALA ALI‽‽‽) or even the story (an excellent YA coming of age piece), but how are they going to condense a 500+ page novel without sacrificing the story, esp. as it's the 1st in a trilogy.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
So what I hear you saying is @scalzi.com was close to right when writing Starter Villain, and we need to keep a closer eye on our cats, just in case?
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 30/04/2026
When viewed under blacklight, a platypus appears teal. Which was not known at the time that Perry the Platypus was created.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 25/04/2026
Back in my hometown for a bridal shower & some girl in a Chevy trailblazer yelled I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT as she drove past me, so I’m gonna ride that high for a while. Dress: Nordstrom Rack. Shoes: fuchsia Air Force 1s Bag: salmon mini backpack, Kate Spade Outlet
nordstromrack.com
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
This man's legs look like hot dogs. Hot dog ass lookin pants.
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Jennifer K. @pdxjenni.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
I watched a video about this study this morning and it's actually really cool science! The cocaine fish & the control fish swam about the same distances (cocaine fish: faster). BUT! The fish that were given the metabolite that is created when humans do cocaine (that we then piss out)? FARTHER SWIMS!
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Reposted by Jennifer K.
Simon and Gargamel @kellylink.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
This Is Just To Say I have turned off the AI features that were in the update and which you were probably hoping to monetize Fuck you they were stupid so unnecessary and so annoying
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