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Oxnard Mantalvo

@oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social
730 followers 872 following 3.4K posts

I don't work in showbiz, but I do see a lot of scripts. Mostly medical puns.

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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 15h
What medicine do monsters use for weight loss? Fear-zepitide
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
What kind of ghost haunts family medicine clinics? Spockters
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I'm gonna start a company that cleans houses with cigarette smoke damage prior to listing for sale. I'm calling it Vareni-clean
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Fascists trying so hard to astroturf a milkshake duck and keep failing
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
My spouse told me the store was out of one of the cheeses I wanted for a house party we were bringing hors d’oeuvres for, but it wasn't a big deal. I told her, "Baby, I don't need Danablu to have fondue night."
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 22/10/2024
We should normalize replacing "placebo-controlled" with "trick or treatment" in October.
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Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg @theradr.bsky.social · 14/03/2024
I want to talk about my move from Substack to Ghost for a second, and what it's been like working with a nonprofit tech company that actually lives its values. Especially if you're a writer still on Subtack, please read. 1/x First of all, about the org: They are a nonprofit, I just met employee +
ghost.org
Ghost: Independent technology for modern publishing
Beautiful, modern publishing with newsletters and premium subscriptions built-in. Used by Sky, 404Media, Lever News, Tangle, The Browser, and thousands more.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Anyone living in Randolph, MA, there's a public meeting regarding the use of ALPRs in the town on Tuesday September 29 at 10pm. So if you can make it to voice your opposition (you can also attend remotely), this is a great opportunity to do so. Agenda linked below:
mccmeetings.blob.core.usgovcloudapi.net
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
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Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Hey so uhhhhh that Boston Globe story about the lesbian bar relaxing its covid rules is an *absolute fucking hit piece* targeting the disabled, chronically ill, and covid-conscious and it would be great if folks sharing and joking about it could recognize that framing.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
What specific food should you avoid if you have epilepsy? Seizure salads
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Dr Noor Bari @njbbari3.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I’ve seen a lot of older people wearing masks in my neighbourhood. I don’t know how the rest of society walks past that clear signal for help. If you see someone in a mask or respirator, you should wear one… at the very least…
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ℳatt @matttomic.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Worth noting, as Macklemore was banned by NFL owners in what will be dubbed "fighting antisemitism", that Kanye, who - sold merch with swastikas - said on Alex Jones that he idolizes Hitler - tweeted he was "going Defcon 3 on Jewish people" is currently on a multi-city tour of NFL stadiums
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Scott Lynch @scottlynch78.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!
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🌶️ Motte! 🌶️🔞 @extra-spicymotte.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
don't hatewatch it. don't pirate it. don't waste your time with it. fuck JKR and her mediocre at best books. it won't kill the sadness in you to dig your claws into this rotten IP
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Explicitly Anti-Vaxx @bellamyj.blacksky.app · 07/09/2026
Nothing about this is shocking at all if you understand how these people think. Supremacists of all varieties love to dabble in the exact things and people they hate. It's about ownership and control not rules, laws, or order. Abuse is a very effective lens to view fascism and fascists through.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
This is also why, when you push people who use 'woke' as an insult hard enough, to them, it just means someone who calls them on their bullshit and they don't like how cognitive dissonance feels. Most of us should have kept that word out of our vocab to begin with, but that ship's sailed.
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swoon ganz @swoonganz.medsky.social · 05/09/2026
When the DKA protocol works:
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Mine just reinforces the fact that my parents used the TV as a babysitter, like, a lot.
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Explicitly Anti-Vaxx @bellamyj.blacksky.app · 03/09/2026
Good, now ban it in high school, then college, then everywhere else possible
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Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 02/09/2026
This is an absolutely catastrophic data breach of an identity verification vendor 150+ million drivers license scans that includes photos, address, license numbers etc. It includes Pete Hegseth, security researchers, and even the deputy director of the FBI. krebsonsecurity.com/2026/09/fbi-...
A screenshot of a search result on a website titled "NEXUS | Identity Document Database" showing a locked Minnesota driver's license record for "PETER HEG******." A driver's license portrait of Peter Hegseth appears on the left, next to mostly redacted information fields, including ID number, birth date (1980), and address, followed by a prompt to purchase the full record for $100.00.
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Ant @agramuglia.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Hey, my editor Dan is in a rough spot right now and needs some tangible, real help.
gofund.me
Donate to My Family Needs Urgent Help, organized by Dan M
My family's living situation is dire, and has been for several years. We've been dragged across th… Dan M needs your support for My Family Needs Urgent Help
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Marisa Kabas @marisakabas.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
we have immigrant concentration camps, diarrhea lettuce, zillion dollar gas, suicidal soldiers, measles resurgence, national park land sold to the highest bidder and teachers crowdfunding school supplies, but the real problems facing our country are a muslim senate candidate and an influencer
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Trying to make some extra money by doing ad reads for an Italian cheese producer. I now realize I've become a shill for Big Parma.
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Cool Zone Media @coolzonemedia.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
New Cool People Who Did Cool Stuff 📹 Margaret tells you the sordid history of Automated License Plate Readers and the people who have stood up against them @margaret.bsky.social @whysophiewhy.bsky.social linktr.ee/coolpeoplepod
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Elizabeth Jacobs, PhD @elizabethjacobs.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
When that is done in epidemiology, it corrupts all of the data collection processes. The fact that the CDC Director went along with this is as bad as you think it is, if not worse.
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Matthew Cortland (they) @matthewcort.land · 31/08/2026
imagine: you're working the ED at MGH when an MIT grad student walks in and tells triage he synthesized dimethylmercury whdh.com/news/first-o...
whdh.com
FIRST ON 7: Patient brought to MGH for exposure to ‘chemical substance’ prompts large emergency response - Boston News, Weather, Sports | WHDH 7News
BOSTON (WHDH) - A patient brought to Mass General Hospital in Boston after an “exposure to chemical substance” prompted a large emergency response Wednesday night,<a class="excerpt-read-more" href="ht...
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Malaclypse the Middle @malaclypse.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I have had numerous people assure me that European carbs lack both gluten and additives, giving it wonderous health properties, rather than realizing "driving everywhere is bad for me."
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Matthew Cortland (they) @matthewcort.land · 28/08/2026
The FDA approved the 2026-2027 COVID vaccines today. This year, it is again my aim to provide you with actionable guidance, as soon as a clear enough picture emerges for me to be able to do so. Unless it's medically contraindicated, I want you to get this updated vaccine to protect against COVID.
shouldntneedtobealawyer.com
FDA Approves 2026-2027 COVID Vaccines — But There's A Catch | Shouldn't Need to Be a Lawyer by Matthew Cortland
FDA took action on the 2026-2027 COVID vaccines today. I'll recount what they did and then give you my analysis of what this actually means.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Oncologist: *slaps desk* "Whelp, time to make like a biopsy and punch out."
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Kasey Gifford @kaseygifford.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
The wrong 80 year old died.
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Kasey Gifford @kaseygifford.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Tim Curry had been doing poorly ever since he had a major stroke back in 2012. Amazingly, he still did the occasional VA work, voicing Auntie Whispers in 2014. Theres an ethereal frailness to her because of what he went through. He, like Dolly, was an amazing human being.
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JM =^D @jm539581.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Same.
Daniel Huang
Dream Job: Retirement
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Deviant Ollam ツ @deviantollam.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
I cannot properly express how much I want to yeet all AI features like this into the sun. NO, I am NOT interested in your "summary" of anything to do with my personal messages or personal information. 😣
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Malaclypse the Middle @malaclypse.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
This would fix me.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Gould was who people like Dawkins wish they could have been, but you have to care more about science than the money or fame that *might* accompany it. One guy wrote The Spandrels of San Marco and the other mocked religion, glazed a sex trafficker, and yelled at women like a hit dog.
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Joshua Holland @joshuaholland.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
I’d bet good money that none of the signers here gave a single shit about academics being fired for Charlie Kirk tweets or students being rounded up and deported for writing op-eds calling for divestment from Israel.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Painting depicting the god of Christianity with a little speech bubble underneath
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Boo Mario @tomatograndpa.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
The three genders.
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Shecky @shecky.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Kevin passed about an hour ago. The time to find his cats a home IS now, and I'm not one step closer to finding it. Please, friends.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
"Has the passive voice historically functioned to deflect responsibility and consolidate unjust power arrangements? These are all fascinating questions that, sadly, we will never know the answers to."
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
One of the most inconsequential but nonetheless infuriating legacies of the second Bush administration is like half of people younger than 40 pronounce nuclear like they screwed up trying to say "molecular".
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Inflation even hitting some of the tomatoes in my garden
A dime next to a tomato that is smaller than the dime
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
NIMBYs making up jobs to justify not minding their own business.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Regular people: "he stole a sweater from a Macy's" Neurologist: "He had a petit mall seizure"
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
"Eponym" should refer specifically to horse names and nothing else.
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Ernest "Dead" Penfold @penfoldsfiv.eurosky.social · 12/08/2026
the media when the centrist loses by 1% vs the media when the leftist loses by (less than) 1%
bluesky post by Politico saying "Progressives didn't get the big election night they wanted" referring to Abdul el-Sayed defeating Haley Stevens in the MI Senate primary and linking to their story with that headline.bluesky post by Politico with the text "The far left hits a wall" referring to David Crowley defeating Francesca Hong in the WI Governor Primary and linking to their story with that headline
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Amber @risettemd.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Please stop paying for anything Harry Potter. This is where your money is going. At this point, you're not an ally, you're an abuser and we're your victim.
JK Rowling says the lawsuits will keep coming - to prevent trans women from using the right restroom.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Clocking in for the shift I know is gonna finally push my depression above subclinical
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 09/08/2026
Me: [browsing the fancy cheeses at Wegmans getting stuff for the charcuterie we're bringing to a potluck]: "...what's Boffard?" *hear a suppressed grunt and turn around to see the cheesemonger making this face and biting his knuckle*
static.klipy.com
The Amazing World Of Gumball Trying Not To Laugh
Alt: Gumball (the blue cat from The Amazing World Of Gumball) painfully contorting his face to suppress laughter
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