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Oxnard Mantalvo

@oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social
731 followers 872 following 3.5K posts

I don't work in showbiz, but I do see a lot of scripts. Mostly medical puns.

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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 4h
At first, I thought the spine was a 3d printed prosthetic that sat on top of the vest, not fabric woven into it. That looks like a crazy level of work.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 16h
Patient: How's my heart doing, doc? Cryptkeeper: *removing stethoscope* "Well, no mummies, wraiths, or goblins." Patient: *exasperated sigh*
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
What did Dracula take for anxiety? Bativan
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
MY BOY
A cute black bat decoration with orange eyes, looks like a cute spirit creature that'd show up in  ghibli film
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
What's an endocrinologist's favorite Halloween treat? Candy-gliflozin
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
This can be distilled down to just "bottoms are gay"
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Which SGLT2i is the best-looking? Dappergliflozin
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toilet bones @toiletbones.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Found the email I sent when I got accidentally added to the faculty listserv of an orthopedic surgery clinic and nobody would remove me so I sent this email to all faculty/staff/med students and they removed me almost immediately
Hello Bone Colleagues, 
I have invented a new type of ankle and I'm very excited to show it to you. Early raccoon trials suggest a 60% increase in scurrying speed and dramatic increases in fine motor banditry. I know we are not supposed to create super raccoons, but I think you'll change your mind and professional ethics when you see how cute they are. I believe we are on the cusp of a new era in advanced human scurrying because if medical science has taught me anything, it's that improvements in raccoons correspond 1:1 to improvements in humans. 

--
[My name]
Chief Bone Inventor
Chair, Department of Foot and Leg Innovation
Lord Mayor, Musculoskeletal Medicine 
Hartford HealthCare,
The Bone & Joint Institute at Hartford Hospital.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
"psst...hey buddy...trade you my exit row seat for your refreshments cart trap aisle seat"
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Storage containers are the adult stage of Tupperware lids after they emerge from their silicone pupae.
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Ryan Consell @stealingfromwizards.com · 05/10/2026
Sometimes we do our best work for extremely silly reasons. I helped produce some of these images, and I think the first might be the least distressing.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
Did you find an E-1 willing to tell you?
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
What medicine do monsters use for weight loss? Fear-zepitide
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
What kind of ghost haunts family medicine clinics? Spockters
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I'm gonna start a company that cleans houses with cigarette smoke damage prior to listing for sale. I'm calling it Vareni-clean
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I gave a paperback to my kiddo's classmate as a bday gift and he's really gotten into the first book. Might be at least 3 more book purchases from his parents in the near future.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
Fascists trying so hard to astroturf a milkshake duck and keep failing
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
My spouse told me the store was out of one of the cheeses I wanted for a house party we were bringing hors d’oeuvres for, but it wasn't a big deal. I told her, "Baby, I don't need Danablu to have fondue night."
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 22/10/2024
We should normalize replacing "placebo-controlled" with "trick or treatment" in October.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Prompt: "Make a character who's double-jointed"
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Fozzie is a perfect example of how far you can get in life if you're good at witty bantler.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Gotta get the people who still think they have money to spend it before they realize they don't have disposable income come November.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
I wish Tony Jay was alive to voice this character.
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Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg @theradr.bsky.social · 14/03/2024
I want to talk about my move from Substack to Ghost for a second, and what it's been like working with a nonprofit tech company that actually lives its values. Especially if you're a writer still on Subtack, please read. 1/x First of all, about the org: They are a nonprofit, I just met employee +
ghost.org
Ghost: Independent technology for modern publishing
Beautiful, modern publishing with newsletters and premium subscriptions built-in. Used by Sky, 404Media, Lever News, Tangle, The Browser, and thousands more.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
The equally upsetting part is that, while donations increased, there's nothing n the article of increased community measures to protect them from being assaulted in the article. We'll get new laws killing rights when people protest genocide, but they barely enforce existing assault laws on chuds.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Anyone living in Randolph, MA, there's a public meeting regarding the use of ALPRs in the town on Tuesday September 29 at 10pm. So if you can make it to voice your opposition (you can also attend remotely), this is a great opportunity to do so. Agenda linked below:
mccmeetings.blob.core.usgovcloudapi.net
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
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Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Hey so uhhhhh that Boston Globe story about the lesbian bar relaxing its covid rules is an *absolute fucking hit piece* targeting the disabled, chronically ill, and covid-conscious and it would be great if folks sharing and joking about it could recognize that framing.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
What specific food should you avoid if you have epilepsy? Seizure salads
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Dr Noor Bari @njbbari3.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
I’ve seen a lot of older people wearing masks in my neighbourhood. I don’t know how the rest of society walks past that clear signal for help. If you see someone in a mask or respirator, you should wear one… at the very least…
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Imagine being a dipshit capitalism fanboy and being mad about a company trying to expand its market share.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
This is the same shit he posted while he was detained in Europe on human trafficking charges. I think he's full of shit and he's just catastrophizing an imprisonment he never thought he'd have to experience.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Weird how he says his conditions keep getting worse yet they haven't taken away his Twitter access.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
If I may offer up an incentive to watch it beyond Michael Caine's performance as Scrooge:
Tumblr post from user vigilant sycamore

Ebenezer Scrooge: Goes outside
500 Muppets: There goes Mr Asshole!  There Goes Mr Bitch!
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Still waiting on the $10 billion Foxconn promised to invest in Wisconsin.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Also the examples of companies just reneging on contracts/commitments and making it more expensive for the community to litigate are myriad.
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ℳatt @matttomic.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Worth noting, as Macklemore was banned by NFL owners in what will be dubbed "fighting antisemitism", that Kanye, who - sold merch with swastikas - said on Alex Jones that he idolizes Hitler - tweeted he was "going Defcon 3 on Jewish people" is currently on a multi-city tour of NFL stadiums
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
I had a parent suggest it as a theme for one of our haunted house rooms for elementary school kids and I'm very glad I'm the one making the haunts and she's the one coordinating the volunteers.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
What's your ideal mask (in terms of construction; I like the rigid ones that tie behind my head) and what kind of designs appeal to you?
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
youtu.be/TgO_CTtEC8w
youtu.be
MCCONNELL: Beyond Death | Aamon Animations
YouTube video by Aamon Animations
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
My first introduction to this was in an AMV Hell video where the audio was played over that scene in Jojo where Polpo gets killed.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Ostrich of the woods...
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Scott Lynch @scottlynch78.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
moby-dick, his eyes enormous: from hell's heart you STAB at moby? for hate's sake you spit your last BREATH at moby? oh! oh! the great shroud of the sea for ahab! the great shroud of the sea rolling on as it rolled five thousand years ago!!!!
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
In a weird way, this demonstrates how AI can never really surpass human ingenuity. No one other than the most sad sack human manchild could conjure cope this cringe.
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🌶️ Motte! 🌶️🔞 @extra-spicymotte.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
don't hatewatch it. don't pirate it. don't waste your time with it. fuck JKR and her mediocre at best books. it won't kill the sadness in you to dig your claws into this rotten IP
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Teeball above the waist, cricket tot below.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
James Patterson doing crossover slop isn't anything new yet somehow this still feels debasing to him. Like if Thomas Kinkade started selling prints of wojack memes.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Jimmy Stewart's last role was Wylie Burp in "An American Tail 2: Fievel goes West"
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Explicitly Anti-Vaxx @bellamyj.blacksky.app · 07/09/2026
Nothing about this is shocking at all if you understand how these people think. Supremacists of all varieties love to dabble in the exact things and people they hate. It's about ownership and control not rules, laws, or order. Abuse is a very effective lens to view fascism and fascists through.
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Oxnard Mantalvo @oxnardmantalvo.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
you gotta put all that together yourself or that's just the breakout of all the components?
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