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Michael Heide

@michaelheide.bsky.social
203 followers 303 following 1.8K posts

Narrare humanum est. Storytelling is human.

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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 7h
If you see this, post a vampire that isn’t Dracula
static.klipy.com
Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys: Noodle Scene
Alt: Kiefer Sutherland as David in The Lost Boys, eating Chinese Noodles out of the box with gusto.
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Fr Chase 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁 @kalanthropos.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
What’s a poster you had in your room growing up?
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Can we please shut this dystopian novel we've been living in and return it to the library? It's overdue.
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Dr. Damien P. Williams, dread portent down from a mountain cave @wolven.blacksky.app · 28/09/2026
So uhhhhhh… Apparently meta's muse "AI" is just straight up doxxing people to strangers on FB marketplace??? This has the potential to hurt so so many people, and I genuinely wonder how long before they roll out a fix for it.
Screenshot of a post from threads

matt.j.robb & 16h (€) So muse handled my Facebook marketplace today. Just found out it told people my address and agreed a lowball price and then they showed up without it even telling me until late tonight that it messed up.

Absolutely wild. 1/2

[Embedded image of a series of text messages from a meta muse "agent" given the call sign "Jarvis" (Parts of first message obscured by its logo have been replaced with brackets and ellipses and best guesses from context):]

Heads up, Usman is […] building right now for the MX Keys Mini [. He is sta]nding in front of the Shoppers Drug [Mart.]

$10 by e-transfer. The auto-reply told him to message when he's at your door.

10:28 PM Bad news on the MX Keys Mini pickup. Usman showed up at your building around 9:15 and waited, messaged a bunch of times, and nobody came down. He left angry at 9:38 and left a negative rating.

Worse, my auto-reply told him "Yep I'm here!" at 9:27 when you clearly weren't available, which is on me. That's a bad look and it made the no-show worse.

I've sent him an apology from your account owning it and offering to try again another day. But the negative rating is real, and I should probably stop the auto-replies from claiming you're home when I can't verify that. Want me to change the pickup replies so they don't promise you're there?

[reply, presumably from the threads user]: You gotta never do that ever again don't agree for pickup unless you check with me

[Response from Muse "Agent"]: You're right and I'm sorry. That should never have happened. It's locked in now as a hard rule: i will never […you]'re there unless you've explicitly […] that specific pickup. If someone proposes a time, I'll tell them I'll check and…  Screenshot of a tweet from Ray Wong @raywongy:
    Deleted Muse after seeing this post on Threads about how it told some Facebook Marketplace sellers the guy’s address and they showed up at his door

    Dangerous and creepy

    This would have been 1000x worse if the person was a woman
    4:35 PM · Sep 27, 2026
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
In keeping with the accuracy of LLM reliability, 12% of the cocktails contain raccoon urine, and 3% contain arsenic. Even the bartenders won't know which is which.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Feminize a band name: DJ Jazzy Jess & The Fresh Princess
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Feminize a band name: The Mamas & the Mamas
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Christian Stöcker @christianstoecker.de · 24/09/2026
Brutal.
The Economist
https://www.economist.com
Friedrich Merz, the zombie chancellor vor 8 Stunden — Friedrich Merz, the zombie chancellor. He cannot recover, but no one wants to finish him off-yet.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
It was hard limiting myself to nine games. I had to cut several Lucasgames adventures, Movie Musical Madness, You Don't Know Jack, Master of Orion 2, various Final Fantasies, Denki Blocks, Worms, Professor Layton, and once I hit "post", I'll remember five more games that should have made the list.
My 9 games.
Pac-Man
Donkey Kong
Crystal Castles
Tetris
The Legend of Zelda 
Silent Hill 
Pikmin
Eternal Darkness: Sanity's Requiem
Slay the Spire
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Repost with an image of your favorite James Bond (wrong answers only):
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Tim Curry as Wadsworth in Clue
Alt: Tim Curry as butler Wadsworth in Clue, exasperated, rolling his eyes while flipping through papers
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Oregon 🕎🎲 @oregonthedm.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
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Kieron Gillen @kierongillen.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Not too late to join the insomnia competition! You snooze, you lose.
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Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
It’s very simple and it’s been said over and over but I guess it needs saying continuously: if you deem one group too small to have equal rights you are enabling fascism, not fighting it. The people saying Dems are GREAT on trans rights are not paying attention and/or saying stuff like this.
Nichole Hiltz
The Democrats defend the Kennedy Center but not trans people.
A building.

@treewarrior.bsky....
maybe because defending everything about a super small minority of the population is not worth losing to fascists
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
DuJour have withdrawn from Ed Sheeran's tour.
The fictional boy band DuJour from the movie Josie and the Pussycats, as played by Alexander Martin, Donald Faison, Seth Green and Breckin Meyer.
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✪ Gray Skies Ahead ✪ @jongraywb.blacksky.app · 16/09/2026
This is the funniest damn thing I’ve seen all day and good because nuts to that guy
rollingstone.com
All of Ed Sheeran's Openers Abandon Tour After Macklemore Debacle
Finneas, Lukas Graham, and more have dropped off shows with Ed Sheeran after Macklemore was pressured off the tour after saying, 'Free Palestine.'
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
A Metroid Ravenous logo generated through the link in the quoted post. It's a shot of Samus Aran defeating an enemy, who is lying at her feet. Her arm is glowing in hot pink. Instead of the game's title, it says "Justin Bailey"
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Aranock, 4 of Ravens @aranock.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Honestly the discourse really is just a lot of cis people going "won't you trannies just accept you are less than human scum that don't matter and throw yourselves on the pyre for me". You can dress it in fancy words but a ban on trans healthcare will kill trans people & you demand we support it
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
I am reasonably sure that this has nothing to do with me being 16 when it came out.
DC Comics event The Final Night.
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the4thpip @the4thpip.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Live CSPAN footage of Mitch McConnell's triumphant return to the Senate!
static.klipy.com
Skeleton Harryhausen
Alt: Skeleton by Harryhausen rising from the ground.
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Ben Paddon 🎃 @benpaddon.net · 13/09/2026
An AI flyer is a brown M&M test. If your event or business is cutting corners by using an AI flyer, where else are you cutting corners? What else are you cheating out on? Why should I be bothered to go somewhere you couldn't be bothered to promote with a little of your own personality?
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Tales To Enrage @talestoenrage.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Repeat after me, fellow cishet folks: I will not watch the HP show sincerely. I will not watch it ironically. I will not watch it on a free trial. I will not watch it on someone else's account. I will not watch it to mock it. I will not watch it on a pirate website. I will not watch it at all.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
How hot do you like your Pasta?
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
EXCLUSIVE: A top staffer at Marvel Comics appears to like superheroes. EXCLUSIVE: A top staffer at Nintendo appears to like video games. EXCLUSIVE: A top staffer at Criterion appears to like movies. EXCLUSIVE: A top staffer at Disney World appears to like Mickey Mouse.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Man, it's like every asshole on the planet gets to write Spider-Man before me. Who's next? Musk? Mr. Beast? One of the Trumps?
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Marlow Stern @marlownyc.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
‘The Matrix’ creator Lilly Wachowski on J.K. Rowling and the new ‘Harry Potter’ series: “She is funding trans genocide. J.K. Rowling funds trans genocide, full stop. So, if you support ‘Harry Potter,’ you’re supporting trans genocide.” variety.com/2026/tv/feat...
variety.com
Lilly Wachowski on Her New Studio Anarchists United, the Black Power Origins of ‘The Matrix’ and How ‘Harry Potter’ Fans Are ‘Supporting Trans Genocide’
‘The Matrix’ filmmaker Lilly Wachowski opens up about her new studio for marginalized voices Anarchists United, J.K. Rowling and Elon Musk.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
At one point, they refer to Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and former trans ally Rupert Grint, seriously proclaiming that free speech means that J.K. Rowling should be able to say what she wants and that the three should not be able to say what they want. Tells you everything.
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toonholechris @toonholechris.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Magic trick
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
What’s it like inside your head? youtu.be/PCAR5q0aSdQ?...
youtu.be
Taron On-Ride POV 4K | Phantasialand
YouTube video by Your Experience Guide
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Lynn (Degenerate non-AI) @ceoofgreen.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Wir hatten eine Aufgabe als Nation. Einen Auftrag. Sorge dafür zu tragen dass sich was in Deutschland zwischen 1933 bis 1945 passiert ist nie wieder wiederholen kann. Dass der Faschismus nie wieder stark werden kann. Wir haben leider versagt.
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Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Apparently people are sharing this far and wide on social media, which I think is horrible. This could cripple ICE operations. PLEASE do not share this.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Oof.
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Governor Tim Walz @governorwalz.mn.gov · 05/09/2026
Good news: he lost.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
10/10. No notes.
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
What is your favorite movie that came out when you were 20 years old?
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Memento: Don't Believe His Lies
Alt: Scene from Memento: Guy Pearce writes "Don't Believe His Lies" on the back of a Polaroid
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Olivia Hill @machineiv.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Gamers will be like: "D&D is so bad! You shouldn't support them with your dollars! Instead you should play [commences to list a bunch of companies that literally just did not pay me for countless hours of hard work and fired me because I'm trans or I spoke out about a mass sexual predator]."
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
If you see this post a not quite Star Trek
static.klipy.com
Galaxy Quest Alan Rickman
ALT: Galaxy Quest Alan Rickman
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Robert Reich @rbreich.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
The richest man owns X. The second and fourth richest men control Google. The third richest man owns The Washington Post. The sixth richest man owns Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp. And now the seventh richest could soon take over both Paramount and Warner Bros. See the problem here?
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
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Xela Hart @xelahart.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
@jesseduquette.bsky.social
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Gail Simone @gailsimone.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I fucking well do! ♥️
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Fuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaaat
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Preeti Chhibber @runwithskizzers.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Anyone who AIs Dolly Parton for any reason is going to hell
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Iron Spike @ironspike.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
So where we putting the statue, gang Cuz I dunno about you but I think she deserves one More than most guys who get one, honestly
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wendy norris @wendynorris.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
It's been such an awful couple of years. Let's honor one of the best people on the planet.
Top image: Star Wars logo on a dark field of stars.
Bottom image: Scene of Dolly Parton's character seated behind a typewriter in the movie "9 to 5."

Caption: If 5/4 is Star Wars Day, can 9/25 be Dolly Parton Day?
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Sacha Coward @sachacoward.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
British actors getting the email from Warner Brothers...
Two images of Bilbo Baggins from Lord Of The Rings, holding the One Ring and coveting it.
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Jay Edidin @edidin.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
. @theemancipator.org has a good take on the FUCKING HORRIFYING Target costume and its historical context. Not reposting b/c there's an image preview and I don't wanna force that shit on anyone's timeline; click through for article and pics. theemancipator.org/2026/08/24/n...
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
static.klipy.com
The Simpsons: More Nothin' with Maggie & Marge
Alt: Scene from The Simpsons: A calendar that says Nothin' on the left, and More Nothin' on the right, with Maggie & Marge staring in disbelief in the background
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Michael Heide @michaelheide.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
No integrity left.
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SJW Travis Bickle @uzionmain.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
nicholas hoult:
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