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Matthew Highton

@matthighton.bsky.social
8.3K followers 262 following 2.4K posts

Comedian and maker of nonsense. Lost on the Road tickets: genesiscinema.co.uk/event/113852

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Reposted by Matthew Highton
Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 7h
Just popping in to let everyone know we're about 2/3 sold for the premiere of our film this Saturday, which is very exciting! So, if you're on the fence, it might be time to get off the fence and grab a ticket. Or stay on the fence and get one online. Regardless, cannot wait to show you all this!
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Shelly/Whoobs (they/she) @whoblue.bsky.social · 6h
I'm so glad other goblins are going to see this cos it looks amazing!
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 7h
Just popping in to let everyone know we're about 2/3 sold for the premiere of our film this Saturday, which is very exciting! So, if you're on the fence, it might be time to get off the fence and grab a ticket. Or stay on the fence and get one online. Regardless, cannot wait to show you all this!
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 21h
Still scrolling past midnight like:
Jin Carrey getting all the thoughts as the Riddler in his big chair.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Hi, we’re just popping in to let you know our companies AI looks like it could be wildly dangerous to humanity, possibly even an extinction threat and we are honestly shocked by what’s it’s doing if its own volition. So you’re turning it off then? … You’re turning it off? Can have money plz?
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Give a man a fish and he’ll feed his family for a day. But give a fish a man he will find the man who was given his fish father and take revenge. Warn both the man and the fish they are about to be given away and they can team up and go against the company behind this sick game and bond for life.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The EXACT plot and script of Point Break but the dead Presidents are Vampires. I shall not be taking questions at this time.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
I stand by this picture I managed to get of a hummingbird is one of the best I have ever taken. Occasionally it crops up on my phone and makes me smile.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Toddler just came scuttling at me backwards at speed on all fours, pooey arse raised and I tell you, you’ve seen milder stuff in Silent Hill games.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
Think I’ll just get some Beechams and ride it out tbh.
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Alasdair Beckett-King @misterabk.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
It used to be that comedians did cocaine and the audience laughed and clapped. Now the audience is on cocaine and the comedians are backstage drinking camomile tea and crying.
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Will Sebag-Montefiore @wsebag.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
The Captain of Danny Tommo's boat
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Tech bros. All I want is one of these with a decent camera and whatsapp. Thats it. You would get so many sales if you did this.
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Acyn @acyn.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Room empties out at the UN as Netanyahu begins his speech.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Come on everyone don’t fuck up the planet before I can be reincarnated as one of those monkeys that sits in the hot water all day.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
The image they’ve used for this looks like the flash back in a sick as fuck GOTG style spin off about a Red Panda out for revenge.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
If you earned £10,000 a day it would take you 273.8 years to reach a billion. 273.8 YEARS! With no days off and no outgoings. But sure, yeah, let’s not ask the super rich for anymore and keep that cost of living going up to prop this entire shitshow up.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Put me in cryo and wake me up when it’s here 😃
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
New Evil Dead film idea: AI chump acquires Necronomicon from some “old guys” trailer and tries to load it in LLM. Shit gets weird. Many die. Evil Dead franchise becomes goofy again. Groovy.
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Brainmage.itch.io @brainmage.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
What a fucking world where I find myself writing letters like this to my MP.
Letter to my MP:

Dear Fleur Anderson,

I am writing regarding the shocking scenes of masked far-right thugs blocking ports in Dover and, somehow more shockingly, forcing a Portsmouth RNLI station to close.

These scenes are horrific. Equally horrific is the rhetoric from some MPs and the press that these people have "reasonable concerns".

Just Stop Oil protestors have been swiftly stopped and arrested. The crux of their campaign is to ensure that the planet remains in a condition that is livable for humans. The existential threat of climate change is one of the most reasonable concerns one can imagine. Yet they were arrested and decried in the press.

Protestors opposing the genocide in Gaza have been equally swiftly arrested, with some even being proscribed as terrorist organisations. For opposing an ongoing genocide that has killed over 69,000 people - including 17,000 children - according to The British Red Cross. Stopping this appalling violence is another incredibly reasonable concern. Yet they are arrested and decried in the press, while others are proscribed as terrorists.

Preventing saving the lives of desperate people fleeing unsafe conditions is in no way a reasonable concern, yet MPs and the press talk about these masked thugs, preventing lives from being saved and swarming areas of key infrastructure, as having reasonable concerns. This is a shocking stain on this country.

Continued in next imageLetter continues: Migration is a net good for the country, even before you take into account the ageing workforce. The anti-migrant rhetoric comes from dangerous and violent men, and is spurred on by a press that thrives on outrage.

All human lives have equal value. Anyone preventing a lifeboat station - a lifeboat station! - from operating and saving human lives should be arrested and charged far more quickly than an elderly vicar sitting quietly and holding a sign.

I urge you to use your power as an MP to speak out on this. To call these balaclava-wearing men what they are: violent, masked thugs who speak only for a tiny, hateful minority. These are not reasonable concerns of patriots. These are the words and deeds of vicious people who want to fracture this country.

By way of reply, please confirm that you will raise this issue in parliament, and use your power to speak out against this disturbing rise of fascist violence.

Yours sincerely,

Guy Kelly
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Said something was the tits and it confused an American friend so sent the UK definitions as: If something is “the tits” it’s good. If you say “tits” that’s usually an “oh no” situation. Something going “tits up” means it’s gone wrong. And sometimes you just take the word at face value.
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Joel Morris @gralefrit.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
New course! Starts October 18th. Sign up at: www.gralefrit.co.uk
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
This Owen Wilson film is pretty fucked up.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Professor Oak: and you catch them in this Pokeball where they’ll be stored inside. Me: And this would also work on humans? PO: … erm, in theory, I suppose. I throw my Pokeball at Professor Oak, his scream warps as I watch it pull him inside. Me whispering: Not so smart now, professor.
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Olaf Falafel @ofalafel.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Working as a conductor on the ghost train was all tickety boo.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Thought this was a reply to the post at first 🤪
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Why do I feel like this toilet is about to say “feed me, Seymour”.
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Lady Emily ☄️ @ladyemily.nebula.tv · 17/09/2026
Trying to go see the new Resident Evil movie but apparently before I can enter the auditorium I have to have the spade key to unlock the door? And I only have the hearts key, which unlocks the route to the concession stand. Anyone know where to go next? A bit stuck
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Michael Fry @bigdirtyfry.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Your Grandad Cyclops talks about his school days
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Mitch McConnell looks like he’s poking his head out of a burrow to determine if we have a harsh winter or not.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Just asked if I could borrow a charger off Sauron but apparently he doesn’t share power with anyone. Rude.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Had a lovely chat with the @britishcomedy.bsky.social about the film. Have a read if you want to find out some more details: www.comedy.co.uk/film/news/88...
comedy.co.uk
Rufus Hound and Nick Helm cast in comedy quest film Lost On The Road - British Comedy Guide
Rufus Hound stars in a new film about a stag-do on a Lord Of The Rings-style quest, with Nick Helm and a host of British comedy talent. Plotted by...
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Look, I’m gonna bang on about this until October, but it really is the most proud I’ve ever been of a project. You can have the sneakiest of peeps at some shots of the film we made below. Grab tickets and come along if you’re in London on the 3rd October. genesiscinema.co.uk/event/113852
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Had a lovely chat with the @britishcomedy.bsky.social about the film. Have a read if you want to find out some more details: www.comedy.co.uk/film/news/88...
comedy.co.uk
Rufus Hound and Nick Helm cast in comedy quest film Lost On The Road - British Comedy Guide
Rufus Hound stars in a new film about a stag-do on a Lord Of The Rings-style quest, with Nick Helm and a host of British comedy talent. Plotted by...
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Trying to post silly stuff and get on with normal life whilst it feels like about nineteen different apocalypses might hit at any time.
static.klipy.com
Pretend Pretending
ALT: Pretend Pretending
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Shelly/Whoobs (they/she) @whoblue.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Go see this! Seriously, go see this! I am very annoyed that the hotels and trains are against me otherwise I would have bought tickets already.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Look, I’m gonna bang on about this until October, but it really is the most proud I’ve ever been of a project. You can have the sneakiest of peeps at some shots of the film we made below. Grab tickets and come along if you’re in London on the 3rd October. genesiscinema.co.uk/event/113852
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
Tell us elder, what do the gods show you…
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Tickets are now on sale for our world premiere of our film. It feels so cool to write that! www.genesiscinema.co.uk/event/113852
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Bethany Black @bethanyblack.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Who called them marine biologists and not aquademics
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Stuart Laws @stuartlawscomedy.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
If you're into that Stuart Laws guy, he got a new special out now: www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RwI...
youtube.com
Where would you least like a horse to be? | Stuart Laws FULL stand up comedy special
YouTube video by Stuart Laws
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Tickets are now on sale for our world premiere of our film. It feels so cool to write that! www.genesiscinema.co.uk/event/113852
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Donald Trump: great ship the Titanic. GREAT ship. Real sad what happened to it. I was on it you know. Leonardo Di Caprio threw me in the water and lifted me onto a door himself and that’s not easy, I’m a big guy. He drew me nude you know. Talented artist…
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Mike Drucker @mikedrucker.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
You’ve gotta use AI because it’s the future. But also it’ll take your job. But also it’ll create a paradise on earth and solve most of our problems. But also it’ll end humanity soon. But also you’ll get left behind if you don’t use it right now.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
Donald Trump: great ship the Titanic. GREAT ship. Real sad what happened to it. I was on it you know. Leonardo Di Caprio threw me in the water and lifted me onto a door himself and that’s not easy, I’m a big guy. He drew me nude you know. Talented artist…
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Joel Morris @gralefrit.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
NEW WRITERS' ROOM COURSE Starting October 18th 5 weeks, online, Sunday afternoon Zooms... www.gralefrit.co.uk/writers-room...
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Never seen a happier dessert in my life.
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Those uniforms, aye...
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Des @desdelboy.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Monday
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Matthew Highton @matthighton.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Just heard the first thing a Reform government would do is resurrect a Winston Churchill for every school, who would feed children toad in the hole every lunch whilst singing “My Old Man’s a Dustman” and if your child didn’t say thank you, they would be trapped in a painting by Suella Braverman.
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