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Magic Rug

@magicrug.bsky.social
412 followers 191 following 181 posts
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 3h
(CIA agent waterboarding me) Drinking water is so important. This is your daily reminder to drink water
050
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
(Buffalo Bill) Hey yall I’m here for the Clean Skin Club
Target ad for skincare products with the text “Clean Skin Club”
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Serial killer who’s lowkey kind of a nice guy
041
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
They don’t seem to understand that a novel and a portrait are different art forms
010
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
(Outside Trojan Horse) Well it looks like a horse and smells like a horse
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
(Inside Trojan Horse) Who keeps ripping ass. Come on
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Just bought this truck to move and store all my sons
Photo of a truck that says “All My Sons Moving & Storage”
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
Just bought this truck to move and store all my sons
Photo of a truck that says “All My Sons Moving & Storage”
0152
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Me and my buddies are constantly pulling each other's balls and busting each other's legs
040
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
No, not there. Keep going. No, not there either. Just keep going til you can’t see me. If you see the glowing red door of the necromancer, you’ve gone too far
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competentposter @competentposter.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
New recruits think that, because our thieves guild is headquartered in the city sewers, you can just poo anywhere. You can't. Please, go a little ways down the tunnel to poo.
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Quest Abandoner @questabandoner.bsky.social · 23/06/2026
Me: These mountain paths are killing me My dwarf buddy: They're fine. My flowery language buddy, placing one hand on the ground: It is as if the very rock has been turned to stone..
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 22/06/2026
Hmmm. Guess we’re due for an asteroid
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Satchel Charge @satchelcharge.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Bro spotted skipping to he lou 🤣😂
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jonk @jonk.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
Me: hey man watch out!! 😧 My buddy Ethelred The Unwary: Nay,
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 21/06/2026
Wife says she’s tired of the baroque aesthetic in our bedroom and wants more of a rococo vibe. Guess we’re spending the afternoon at the Viscount Furniture Outlet
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Whenever a serial killer is caught, you always hear that he had some sort of sick twisted perversion. I hope one day we'll hear about a serial killer who's just your average joe
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josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Anton chigurh is disturbing because he shows us how sometimes the people who seem the most normal on the outside are the real psychos
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Honestly the most annoying thing is when the guys from the county come around saying you can’t maintain a hot sauce factory on YOUR property, that it’s a “public nuisance” because of alleged clouds of garlic fumes
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
The guy in the cubicle next to mine has a really high Basketball IQ
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 13/06/2026
He isn’t the fastest player, nor the most athletic. He isn’t a great defender, and he certainly isn’t a star on the offensive end. His footwork is mediocre, as is his agility. His body control is far from elite, and his rebounding leaves much to be desired. No one would call him particularly explosi
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
What if this were the last thing you ever read?
Close-up photo of a Reading Truck on the road
050
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
(Meeting gynecologist at party) You know I’m something of an armchair gynecologist myself
050
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 19/05/2026
I’m sick of hearing that I’m mentally ill from one armchair psychologist after another
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Emailing my wife a 2-minute survey on how likely she is to recommend me to friends and family
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
Gerber baby food: now fortified with CBD
050
Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 21/04/2026
I’m a dude who wipes. That’s why I use Dude Wipes
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 21/01/2026
Heating my knife so I can finally cut through this stick of soft butter
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 23/07/2025
Explaining to my pregnant wife why it's actually a good thing that I forgot to buy the food she's craving
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
It's a conspiracy to make you go to the dentist
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 20/06/2025
Do your own research: they're putting microchips in bags of Doritos
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
Tomb of the Unknown Small Business Owner
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Quest Abandoner @questabandoner.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
Suspects basically hate matching a description
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
Tomb of the Unknown Small Business Owner
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balb @balb.bsky.social · 18/04/2025
Iannis Xenakis - Kottos (twee ukelele cover)
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hi their BOO! @mikemay.bsky.social · 09/05/2025
I am unfortunately the voice of a generation
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journeyman folklorist @aniceburrito.bsky.social · 07/05/2025
What if a fire broke out at the conclave? Kind of a boy who cried wolf situation
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Quest Abandoner @questabandoner.bsky.social · 03/02/2025
Pointless toil is about more than just money
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 05/05/2025
You can't put the piss back in the tube
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 04/05/2025
There's only one way to truly delete one's account
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 04/05/2025
Thank you!!! ❤️❤️❤️
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Quest Abandoner @questabandoner.bsky.social · 09/04/2025
"Bless you" to anyone sneezing rn
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 14/11/2024
A doomsday scenario would be devastating for the economy
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 16/03/2025
Congrats on making your wife your wife! 🎉
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 15/03/2025
Caesar should have known better than to trust a guy named "Brutus"
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 12/03/2025
When you see a guy walk out of the grocery store with 36-pack of toilet paper, you know that guy wipes
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 12/03/2025
No idea why it's embarrassing for someone to walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to their shoe. That's someone who you know has wiped
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Magic Rug @magicrug.bsky.social · 28/02/2025
There should be an Arlington National Cemetery for small business owners
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