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When The Internet Grew Up — And Locked Out Its Kids
In December 2025, the world crossed a threshold. For the first time ever, access to the major social media platforms was no longer guaranteed by interest, connection, or curiosity — but by a birth …
![Comic. [Person and second person with ponytail on stage. Person 1 gestures behind at a display of different wavelengths while Person 2 addresses people off-panel.] PERSON 2: We all know the speed of light is constant for all observers. But our experiments show that the speed of sound *changes* based on the observer's motion. Thus, we posit the existence of the *soniferous aether*, a medium that fills the space between us and carries sound waves. [caption] Sometimes physicists forget that air exists and rediscover it from first principles.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreihw3odqgiz2qkryc3oav6r53wwxyod7537cy5qmhdhzqbui4cennq)
![Comic. [Teacher with shoulder-length light hair talking to two students seated at desks.] TEACHER: *Grammar* is one of the most popular ways to structure a language, ahead of rival methods such as *WORDS ORDER WORDS RANDOM WORDS WORDS RANDOM GOOD* and *EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreiekjkgg3wtt3bopzgoke7ek73rk4cmvvik6zbmcgt4zkoyojsnhge)
![Comic. [Sign above four people. A person sits at a desk working on a laptop. A person with ponytail is talking to person with white hat. A person with short hair walks away.] SIGN: It has been [-0.00000000000000044] days since our last floating point error](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreifrf3ayk2vpoka4s35aamdjbub5fcd62ou5zihkzfcj4neth3v27i)
![Comic. [Person running on a giant round toward a pole vaulting crossbar; a long pole bent in an arch from the ground, over the crossbar, to the ground again, with person climbing it upside down over the crossbar; person runs to catch up with a long poll rolled into a circle and tied that is rolling toward the crossbar, jumps to catch it, hanging off as it spins, and then is flung over the crossbar when it approaches.] [caption] Fun fact: There are no limits on the length or diameter of the pole in pole vault.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreigiodbgg6uit2nyaztgy2e3cfss2e4emtlwpawyjxlekqqnhhxlj4)
![Comic. [Two people one one side of a pile of seven apples, next to person with long hair next to five apples.] PERSON: Okay, with my seven apples added to your five, we have… let’s se… twelve apples! PERSON 2 [with hands raised]: Incredible! Perfect agreement with the theory! [caption] Experimental Mathematicians](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreifgv5skm72kzcxgexs4hbpex45met5vxhb6kf2aqshmktmo37nl5a)
![Comic. [Two people, one with ponytail and one with beret, sitting on a boat fishing. Below the water, the person with the beret’s fishing line has caught on a large rock on the bottom.] PERSON with beret: It feels like a big one! At least 10^24 kilograms!](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreihvt4s3jpj4jx6pxz465jsbpm6uet3aa7eaff4int4cvde7htop5e)
![Comic. [Three chess games next to each other. There is a diagonal yellow grid highlight from the pawn in the top left corner of the third chessboard to the bottom of the middle chessboard where there’s a clear path. The player positioned near that bottom section has moved to look at the third chessboard.] [caption] It doesn’t happen often because it requires micrometer precision, but if two chess boards are *perfectly* aligned, it’s actually legal to move pieces between them.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreibsc2od6ic3qzpnfiyukzbflxuqltumikiofxptnhkojaob4uaui4)
![Comic. Doing a task using a company or organization’s website: [flowchart] Go to website, try to log in → Did it work? → Yes → Try to do your task. → Did it work? Yes → Nice! Done! If logging in did not work → Spend hours troubleshooting account / login. If that works, go to Try to do your task. If no → Give up and call customer service. If spending hours troubleshooting doesn’t work, also give up and call customer service. After calling customer service: Hold message: “Did you know you could do all this more quickly and easily on our website? Just go to w-w-w dot…” → Throw phone and laptop into the sea.](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:cz73r7iyiqn26upot4jtjdhk/bafkreiewqnkcrrc4tgla7j5skyz2djf3mrrvre3577c4xcgzurvq33bw4y)
