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Jason Roeder

@jasonroeder.bsky.social
1.1K followers 374 following 57 posts

Former senior editor, The Onion. jasonroeder.net Out now! "Griefstrike! The Ultimate Guide To Mourning." McSweeney's: shorturl.at/bmqOY Amazon: shorturl.at/fjPS7

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Reposted by Jason Roeder
The Onion @theonion.com · 25/09/2026
Kash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash Patel theonion.com/kash-patel-phished-by-…
Kash Patel Phished By Scammer Posing As Kash Patel
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
FOLKS! InfoWars' HogWater is now REAL. It was created by the master swine sommeliers at Marz Brewing Company in Chicago. It makes your bones feel big and hot! Also, if you sign up for a membership at Riotfest this weekend (or are already a member), you get HogWater for free at The Onion tent!
Ice cold HogWater!
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The Onion @theonion.com · 16/09/2026
Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression theonion.com/trump-says-recession-u…
Trump Says Recession Unfortunate But Necessary Step To Get To Depression
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
I saw it on Wednesday. Absolutely everything I wanted.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 06/09/2026
Journalism's most heroic moment is back in print. Become an Onion member, and get a reissue of our historic 9/11 edition. membership.theonion.com/totepromo/?…
Journalism's most heroic moment is back in print. Become an Onion member, and get a reissue of our historic 9/11 edition.
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Reposted by Jason Roeder
The Wall Street Journal @wsj.com · 04/09/2026
Behind closed doors, John Fetterman dodges constituents, alienates fellow Democrats and shows little interest in the work of a senator.
on.wsj.com
Behind Closed Doors, John Fetterman Shows Little Interest in the Work of a Senator
The first-term senator, poised to be a possible swing vote, churns through staff as he alienates fellow Democrats and defends Israel.
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McSweeney's @mcsweeneys.net · 03/09/2026
"All of our style-forward staterooms offer soft, comfy linens, plenty of closet and drawer space, and personalized vomit basins filled with our proprietary deodorizing coagulant." buff.ly/6an8T6J
mcsweeneys.net
All Aboard Your Disease-Free Late-Summer Cruise
“Get ready to create unforgettable memories in a thoroughly disinfected environment deemed inhospitable to the majority of the world’s most deadly microorgan...
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
You should really book now before summer's all gone...
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
I'm not talented enough to LISTEN to Jolene and I Will Always Love You in the same day.
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mtsw @mtsw.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
i think one of the hidden keys to politics right now is "how can our side make sure that the 'trump is gonna kill a bunch of beautiful wild horses' story gets in front of the millions of otherwise apolitical consumers of social media horse-related content"
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Hakeem Jeffries is not up for the job. They have got to get rid of him in January.
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Leila Brillson @leilza.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
I don't know if people realize that @strle.bsky.social actually produced BANDAGES that you can BUY to keep away DEMONS store.theonion.com/products/dem...
store.theonion.com
Demon Guard
Are demons preventing you from liberty and happiness? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, the wicked often prey on the righteous. Demon Guard is an easy-to-wear patch that secretes holy water and minerals ...
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
The fate of the universe rests in the hands of whoever's available.
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Mayor Zohran Kwame Mamdani @mayor.nyc.gov · 14/07/2026
This morning in Biddeford, Maine, a 26-year-old man said goodbye to his wife and daughter and left for work. Moments later he was dead, shot in the head by ICE agents, the second man ICE has killed in six days. ICE is killing our neighbors. ICE cannot be reformed. Abolish ICE.
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 08/07/2026
Just spoke to Mitch McConnell. He assured me he was dead.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 29/06/2026
White House Mocks Paltry Attendance At Democrats’ Great American State Fair theonion.com/white-house-mocks-palt…
White House Mocks Paltry Attendance At Democrats’ Great American State Fair
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derek guy @dieworkwear.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
Meet Crumb, Button, and Clover. A friend in the Bay Area found them behind a gas station. Unfortunately, she isn't able to keep them, so if she can't find someone to adopt them, they will be going to a shelter. Can you help me find them a home? They are in good health and very tame.
Three kittens in a small cage. Two are orange; one is black. The black cat wearing a blue scarf.The two orange cats in a blanket and wearing blue scarves.The two orange cats laying next to each other while wearing blue scarves.
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
Get a paper so we can keep doing stuff like this: Membership.theonion.com
Truck that says: “if we get to 3 million subscribers, we’ll pay the driver”
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Headquarters @headquartersnews.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Trump appears to be completely passed out asleep during his 3pm Oval Office announcement
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
I don't know what happened, but I saw another ad with the phrase "at the speed of AI" and woke up in a jail cell where the scariest dudes you've ever seen addressed me as "Sir."
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The Onion @theonion.com · 01/06/2026
‘Fuck It, A Gig’s A Gig,’ Says Bruce Springsteen, Agreeing To Headline Freedom 250 Concert theonion.com/fuck-it-a-gigs-a-gig-s…
‘Fuck It, A Gig’s A Gig,’ Says Bruce Springsteen, Agreeing To Headline Freedom 250 Concert
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
Had two ginger beers.
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
You can read this humor piece I wrote with @mikebsacks.bsky.social in the latest edition of The New Yorker, in print or online. Whichever you'd like. I don't control you. www.newyorker.com/magazine/202...
newyorker.com
Realistic High-School-Yearbook Inscriptions
“You will read this once this afternoon and not again until you’re in your fifties, but, by that time, I will have already died, alone in my apartment, totally nude, except for my ankle monitor.”
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Cabel Sasser @cabel.panic.com · 11/05/2026
this graduation speech moment is notable, and her amazed shock at having failed to read the room feels instructive. when you're inside the bubble, you think everybody else is. but everybody isn't.
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Jon Cooper @joncooper-us.bsky.social · 24/04/2026
This photo should be on the front page of every single newspaper in America today.
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 23/04/2026
After haranguing our merch guy, looks like the trucker hats are back in stock. We'll see how long this lasts.
store.theonion.com
Onion.InfoWear: Limited Edition Trucker Hat
You don't have to be a trucker to wear this hat, but would it kill you to haul 50 tons of timber from Oregon to Chicago?-Foam Front Mesh Back Trucker Cap -Snap adjustable back closure
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Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 23/04/2026
Trump is about to hit REM on camera during an Oval Office event. It's just incredible.
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Mara Wilson @marawilson.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
Good news! We found the cats a home! But they still need a foster home for the next month! Please help us spread the word so we can find a good foster home for them!
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The Onion @theonion.com · 21/04/2026
‘Michael’ Criticized For Depicting Neverland Ranch With Cooler Rides Than It Actually Had theonion.com/michael-crit...
‘Michael’ Criticized For Depicting Neverland Ranch With Cooler Rides Than It Actually Had
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Erin Fitzgerald @erinfitzbadass.com · 15/04/2026
We still haven’t found a home for these two adorable four-year-old kitty cats in Los Angeles If anybody is open to receiving all of this love, please contact Nico ASAP. Their owner has passed away and they need a new forever home.
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Mara Wilson @marawilson.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
LA! These kitties’ human passed away, and they need a new home! Please help them find one! Spread the word!
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Folks, good news: The Onion is a hundred or so subs away from reaching the long-awaited number of 69,420 paid print subscribers. If you’re that one magic subscriber, we’ll send you a mystery gift box as a thanks. Sign up or regret it forever. We’re on sale for a week. Make sexweed number history.
membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 24/03/2026
For god's sake, sign up for The Onion during our Recession Sale! $75 for a year's worth of papers delivered to your door! It's a crazy steal at this price. membership.theonion.com
membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
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Indivisible ❌👑 @indivisible.org · 24/03/2026
“If there is not a No Kings protest within 30 minutes or so of where you live, you should probably be organizing your own — both to make the point on March 28, but also to start organizing your own community for what comes next.” - Ezra Join us on Saturday: www.nokings.org?SQF_SOURCE=i... #NoKings
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 22/03/2026
Charlie polling at 100% among Manson girls.
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 01/03/2026
What's his plan for Iran? What was Sandy's plan for New Jersey?
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
I can't fucking believe we're doing this again.
This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
We are a few thousand subscribers away from being a bigger print newspaper than the Washington Post. We are a mere flurry away from humiliating one of the two Big Space Perverts. Ask not how a Space Pervert can dominate you. Ask how you can dominate a Space Pervert. Subscribe below.
membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 23/02/2026
Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House
Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House
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Ben Collins @bencollins.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
*putting on CEO hat* uhhh prove us even more right! Subscribe to The Onion, get a real-life newspaper in your real-life mail. Feel good about yourself. Give yourself big compliments about being morally right. membership.theonion.com
membership.theonion.com
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
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Karl Bode @karlbode.com · 11/02/2026
Likely-historic photo by NBC News of all the Epstein victims asked to raise their hands if they've not yet been asked to meet with the DOJ as Bondi testifies in foreground
photo of Pam Bondi testifying in the foreground as a group of 7 women and 1 men raise their hands
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 08/02/2026
About 3.5 hours away from the sonic boom of 10 million people cancelling their Peacock subscriptions at once.
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Jim Acosta @jimacosta.bsky.social · 08/02/2026
BREAKING: The Epstein survivors are releasing this ad on this Super Bowl Sunday to send the message that they will not “move on” from the largest sex trafficking scandal in the world. #standwithsurvivors
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The Onion @theonion.com · 05/02/2026
The chronicle of civilization’s collapse now comes in monthly print editions. Become A Member. Get The Paper. membership.theonion.com/?campaign=7…
The Onion

Democracy Dies Only When The Onion Says It Does.

Become A Member Today.
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 26/01/2026
Net proceeds from every "Sinister Minnesotans" t-shirt, hoodie, or onesie go directly to community groups helping out in Minnesota. Visit The Onion store now. Wow! Do it. OK bye. store.theonion.com/collections/...
store.theonion.com
The Sinister Minnesotans Collection
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE  Show your solidarity with the Sinister Minnesotans refusing to back down from the ICE agents currently polluting their great state with brutality, lawl...
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Jason Roeder @jasonroeder.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
Wish I knew more MAGA people to cut all ties with.
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Aaron Stewart-Ahn @badideas.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
A video of Alex Pretti reading out the final salute of an unnamed veteran he cared for until the end of his life in the ICU, posted to Facebook by his son.
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CJ Fogler @cjzero.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
The whole interview is worth it
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The Onion @theonion.com · 24/01/2026
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE store.theonion.com/products/siniste…
Stand With The Sinister Minnesotans Against ICE

Net proceeds will be donated to local organizations in Minnesota
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